Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

My 9 year old daughter is a daydreamer. She is good in her studies. She is a confident and happy child. However, she has to be given instructions for daily tasks everyday. Simple things like flush the toilet, wash your hands, brush your teeth, wash your face, do your inhaler, switch on the light when you read, don't sit so close to the t.v. It's exasperating for me! She would do nothing if didn't ask her it seems. My 4 year old daughter just needs to be told once. How can I make her understand that all these things need to be done everyday? I shout and scream and the message gets across for a few minutes and then it's back to square one. If anyone can give a few pointers as to how I can get through to her it would help immensely. Teri replied. Aparna Puri,
I had the same problem with my sons that you have with your daughter. I could not get them to make their bed in the morning before school. I had to remind them many times, threaten to take a priveledge away etc...

I finally realized that they were not going to make their beds until there were consistent consequences that seemed very painful to them. (not physically painful of course, but painful none the less).

I told them that I would no longer remind them to make their beds. They were expected to make their beds each day, and if their beds were not made they would have to go to bed 1/2 hour early that night. If the next day their bed was not made they would got to bed 1 hour early the next night.

Each child had to go to bed 1/2 hour early the first night, only one of my boys had to go to bed 1 hour early the next night. They all got the message in only one day! Now there is no discussions about making the beds, they each do it as a habit.

You're daughter expects you to tell her more than once because it has become a habit for both of you. Sit down with her and tell her what consequences will happen if she does not do these things everyday, or if she does not respond to a request from you the first time. Then don't remind her of the consequence, simply carry it out at the end of the day. She will be upset with the consequence but I'm sure she'll learn very quickly that if her behaviour does not change she will continue to lose a priveledge (or whatever consequence you've come up with).

The most important thing is to be consistent. Never remind her of the consequence, simply carry it out-consistently. She will be happier with herself and you since she will know exactly what is expected of her. And you will be happier because you will not be stressed out from continually reminding her to do daily tasks.

Teri Minnie replied. I do agree with Asha that yr daughter is not a day dreamer. Probably whats happening is that you are paying more attention to your younger child and youhave trust on ypur ypunger child so while talking to her you talk calmly. While While you have a mental block about yr elder daughter that she wouldn't so the job, you keep on reminding her loudly. That's what makes your elder daughter behave like this.

My suggestion is, remove your mental block about her.Have confidence in her. And tell her only once that too, in your normal tone.If she doesn't react,don't loose your temper.Still remind her normally.but do not remind her more than twice.Initially, she may not react.But gradully she would change. Spare some time with her and Talk more with her on general topics of her interests.

Wish you all the best. asha replied. your child is probably not a daydreamer just forgetful. Yelling and shouting at her will not get the point to her. Instead offer reward for good behaviour when she remembers to do her duties on her own instead of having you to tell her many times. then she will strive to remember herself
good luck