Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi to everyone,
Can anyone suggest an idea for my problem. My only daughter who is 9 yrs old, is very good in her studies, but she is little stubborn nowadays (which is seen often only at near present time), refuses to listen to me in studies as well as in behaviour. Then I keep explain to her that what she has done is not good, later she says sorry and gets ok. This disturbance is often done. Iam a working woman, I get emotionally scared when she refuses to listen to me. anjali replied. hi! your daughter is showing the first signs of independence. its natural for her to show her own will and desires from about this age, so dont get upset or shocked at her displaying her independence. listen and consider if she is right in her views. if yes then appreciate it. if not then explain in arational way if u can. otherwise ask some friend or family member u trust and she likes to explain to her your view point. dont show anger and react by scolding or de moralizing her. Nirupama replied. I have similar problems with my 6 year old.[I'm a working woman ,too].First we spoil our only kids, and when they start believing that they can get their way at all times, we start over-disciplining them.Could having another kid be the solution, to take the attention and stress off the only child? Teri replied. Hello Arp,
I just wanted to reassure you that your daughter's behaviour sounds normal to me. I know 9 is young, but she may be starting to test you on getting some independence from you.

Don't let her wear you down. It's always best to set the rules upfront and let her know the consequences of her action, before the misbehaviour takes place.

For example, my 14 yr old son has gotten into the habit of saying things that embarrass me in front of other people. Nothing too bad, he just brings up things that should not be discussed in front of other people. After many discussions with him, I finally grounded him from snow-boarding for 2 days. (this is his favorite sport). I told him whenever he embarrasses me I will ground him from snow-boarding, and each time it happens I will add another day to the grounding.
Low and behold this behaviour completely stopped and he now thinks before he speaks when we are with other people.

So not only did he learn that there are consequences for his actions, but he also learned to stop and think before blurting something out.

At 9 my son was just as challenging and I had to enforce the rules early and diligently with him.

By the way, with the exception of last year, I worked full-time for the last 10 years. This did not harm my children in anyway, as long as I was consistent and kept a good routine at home, they were fine. My husband was home with them after school and they had their own routine until I got home from work.

So please don't feel guilty about working. I believe it's how you set up your families routines, habits and rules that determine how your child will behave and do in school and life in general, not whether you work or not.

Good luck,
Teri Jasbir Chopra replied. Hi friends,
My son is 8 yrs old, who is very intelligent, emotional and caring too. But when it comes to study he is very slow writer, he takes his own gala time to complete his home work. So is the complaint i receive from his school too, he is intelligent but does not have time sense. He cannot fix his priorities. Will take his own time to get ready without bothering that he may miss his school bus. I am really worried. chandra replied. hi,
most of the mothers face the same problems. may be ur daughter needs more attention from you. try to spend most of the time at least on the weekends and during nights. make an habit of reading stories or singing to her during bedtime. hopefully some thing will work for you.