Havent posted for a long time as things in my life were pretty standard and i have learnt to accept things the way there are and move on but i guess we all get moments when certain people ie MIL really upset us...
If u guys remember my mil leave seperatly but has caused alot of problems for me after my son was born and now i hardly talk to them as i had a confrontation with them about all the things they have done ie not telling me what is going on in the family, talking behind my back about me and my family and basically they denied everything and lied....my dh does not like confrontation so does not say anything but i always beleive in saying things to the face...
Anyay i raised an issue with my mil about telling me when there are functions in the family and involving me but she still refuses to do so....Over christmas we went over to visit them and my dh aunts daughter is 7 months pregnant (i am 5 and half months pregnant with my second baby) and she is having a ceremony done...so my mil tells my dh about this infront of his auntie and sisters so my dh tells her to tell me as there were people sitting there she mentioned it to me...Now in the 5 and half months i have been pregnant my mil has not asked me once how i am or anything about how the baby is doing so i got upset that she is excited about this lady who is 7 montsh pregnant but not bothered once about me...
Anyway i said its to much to go there as it 9 o' clock in the moring and my son is 18 months and he will not sit in the puja for 3 hours and also i dont take him when i go to pujas on my families side and also my dh never comes to pujas aswell..
so my mil has discussed with her 3 daughters about gonig there and then my dh calls my mil yesterday and she said to him to come there so now my dh says to go.....i am so upset at the fact that my mil leaves me out constantly and that she expects me to tag along with my dh and infront of everyone she will play a game....
Just dont know what to do to be honest.....
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hi friends.....
Havent posted for a long time as things in my life were pretty standard and i have learnt to accept things the way there are and move on but i guess we all get moments when certain people ie MIL really upset us...
If u guys remember my mil leave seperatly but has caused alot of problems for me after my son was born and now i hardly talk to them as i had a confrontation with them about all the things they have done ie not telling me what is going on in the family, talking behind my back about me and my family and basically they denied everything and lied....my dh does not like confrontation so does not say anything but i always beleive in saying things to the face...
Anyay i raised an issue with my mil about telling me when there are functions in the family and involving me but she still refuses to do so....Over christmas we went over to visit them and my dh aunts daughter is 7 months pregnant (i am 5 and half months pregnant with my second baby) and she is having a ceremony done...so my mil tells my dh about this infront of his auntie and sisters so my dh tells her to tell me as there were people sitting there she mentioned it to me...Now in the 5 and half months i have been pregnant my mil has not asked me once how i am or anything about how the baby is doing so i got upset that she is excited about this lady who is 7 montsh pregnant but not bothered once about me...
Anyway i said its to much to go there as it 9 o' clock in the moring and my son is 18 months and he will not sit in the puja for 3 hours and also i dont take him when i go to pujas on my families side and also my dh never comes to pujas aswell..
so my mil has discussed with her 3 daughters about gonig there and then my dh calls my mil yesterday and she said to him to come there so now my dh says to go.....i am so upset at the fact that my mil leaves me out constantly and that she expects me to tag along with my dh and infront of everyone she will play a game....
Just dont know what to do to be honest.....
sonu1 replied. Hi Swapna...
Thanks alot for ur advise..yes u are right....sleepless nights....lol not looking forward to that......will defo need energy for that...Ur right my inlaws not worth it but sometimes it gets the better of me no matter how hard i try...but most days i am ok and ignore certain things....
well i am off on holidays tommorrow to mumbai for 2 weeks with my son...really looking forward to it befroe the baby comes along thought i would go as it will be difficult once the 2nd one comes.
I shall speak to you i an few weeks...u all take care love sonu x
sonu1 replied. Hi Girls
Thank you all for ur replies...made me feel much better.
Well in the end we didnt go to the ceremony as my dh called his dad and he said to him that we have to come from saturday....no point comnig on sunday so my husband said no we wont be coming....he knows i will not stay the night at his parents house...
Namita about the child naming ceremony personally i dont beleive in doing one and no one in my family ever has had one done either...but i did do one for my son as my inlaws wanted it and all i got was a kick...
We have to do it on the 6th day of the child being born and cannot delay it. I wouldnt have mind doing it if my mil bothered about the baby now but she just wants to be there when she has to do the traditions her way otherwise she dont want to know....
My fil called yest and i picked up the fone and he made a point to me to tell me that they went to there ceremony and everyone was asking about my dh....and he said that as i am pregnant i cant travel...he goes what else can i say....otherwise they never tell me anythign but he just wanted to make a piont to say well u didn' t come....now i dont feel any pity for them as they put me thru enough and i always believe that what goes around comes around...
Oh well we shall see when the baby arrives what will happen...will keep u girls posted...
Sonu nice to met u....and yes u are right i just have been be a rock...lol..sometimes a bit hard as sometimes things get to u even if u dont want them too and i guess last week was one of those days...
sonu replied. Hi Sonu1,
I' m surprised to find another sonu! As u mentioned ' Over christmas we went over to visit them ...' ,I definitely expected friends might have confused u with me !! And wondered they could have wished me for ' happy pregnancy' keeping me in mind!! :) !
So Namita, U were there while surprising on my happy /Vs/ sonu1' s upset vacation!
ok sonu1, anyway I wish things will settle for u very soon.
One suggetsion...Ignore her how much u can...So that u' ll never feel hurt for being ignored ! Then u never feel bad because she didnt bother to ask about ur well being in pregnancy...
They are made of rock!u just turn to be same,dear!
Namita replied. y to miss ur childs naming ceremony for wht they have done or wht they vl do .... this is such a special moment ... if you are Hindu, then we hve to have naming ceremony
may b not immediately, may be after a month or so ... if u can take help of ur parents and do it at their or ur plae not at IL' s place
y shud ur child miss his precious moment at the very begining of his birth ... think abt. ur, ur husbands and childs happiness
Ritika replied. Hi Sonu1,
First of all congrats on your pregnancy!! Gosh! How are you coping with an active toddler and being pregnant at the same time!You go girl!!:)
Secondly, try not to let your MIL' s interaction (or non-interaction) with you dictate your relationships with others in your husband' s family.
Forget about your MIL for a moment and think about whether you want to go to this lady' s baby shower (or pooja) or not. If you are on friendly terms with her or if it is possible for you to go, then I would suggest that you go to the pooja.
However, if you really don' t want to go then just talk to your husband that it will be very difficult for you to go as it is morning etc. Tell him that you would have liked to go but because you are not feeling well these days and you do not want to get sick during the ceremony, you have decided that its better to stay at home and wish the lady from there only.
If you decide to do the latter, I would strongly urge you to call the other lady up and congratulate her and wish her. Exchange notes with her on your pregnancy and let her know how sorry you are for missing this important event in her life.
Also if possible, ask your husband to ask his mother if she is planning a ceremony for you also? And if not, then can she plan one because you would also like your baby to be acknowledged and prayed for. Spin it in a non-confrontational way. Say that since MIL is elder and knows the perfect way to go about it, it would be good if she can do it etc etc...
It would be assuming for me to see how she gets out of that one.. :)
take care and don' t think about it too much...you have so much to be happy about - loving husband, cute baby..and another on the way...:)
Its a new year..and decide that you are not going to be upset for more than 30 min over your MIL. She does not deserve more of your time...:)
take care,
Ritika
Namita replied. sorry, then this is a big prob... how do we know which sonu are u? .. whn ddi u post last, so that v can refer to ur story
Namita replied. i think just yesterday u posted in Womens Issue section that u are happy n spend ur vacation good .... wht is this now?
2008-01-09
#1
Name: sonu1 Subject: hey
Hi Swapna...
Thanks alot for ur advise..yes u are right....sleepless nights....lol not looking forward to that......will defo need energy for that...Ur right my inlaws not worth it but sometimes it gets the better of me no matter how hard i try...but most days i am ok and ignore certain things....
well i am off on holidays tommorrow to mumbai for 2 weeks with my son...really looking forward to it befroe the baby comes along thought i would go as it will be difficult once the 2nd one comes.
I shall speak to you i an few weeks...u all take care love sonu x
2008-01-07
#2
Name: sonu1 Subject: Thank
Hi Girls
Thank you all for ur replies...made me feel much better.
Well in the end we didnt go to the ceremony as my dh called his dad and he said to him that we have to come from saturday....no point comnig on sunday so my husband said no we wont be coming....he knows i will not stay the night at his parents house...
Namita about the child naming ceremony personally i dont beleive in doing one and no one in my family ever has had one done either...but i did do one for my son as my inlaws wanted it and all i got was a kick...
We have to do it on the 6th day of the child being born and cannot delay it. I wouldnt have mind doing it if my mil bothered about the baby now but she just wants to be there when she has to do the traditions her way otherwise she dont want to know....
My fil called yest and i picked up the fone and he made a point to me to tell me that they went to there ceremony and everyone was asking about my dh....and he said that as i am pregnant i cant travel...he goes what else can i say....otherwise they never tell me anythign but he just wanted to make a piont to say well u didn' t come....now i dont feel any pity for them as they put me thru enough and i always believe that what goes around comes around...
Oh well we shall see when the baby arrives what will happen...will keep u girls posted...
Sonu nice to met u....and yes u are right i just have been be a rock...lol..sometimes a bit hard as sometimes things get to u even if u dont want them too and i guess last week was one of those days...
2008-01-09
#3
Name: Swapna Subject: Hi sonu
Nice to see you after a long time. Me no posting of late ,either ,blame it on sickness in this darn weather.
I haven´ t read all the replies ,but just one small crisp advice - ignore your Ils for all that´ s worth. I got nothing from Ils and total nuisance and taunts for being a sati savithri. You have an active toddler and a healthy nice baby bean ,so cherish your pg and give into all your cravings and have a blast. Once #2 shows ,you´ ll have a whole set of sleepless nights and other things to deal with. So reserve your energy for all that and don´ t give a da*n to your ILs.
Happy new year
2008-01-07
#4
Name: sonu Subject: I´ m sonu!!
Hi Sonu1,
I' m surprised to find another sonu! As u mentioned ' Over christmas we went over to visit them ...' ,I definitely expected friends might have confused u with me !! And wondered they could have wished me for ' happy pregnancy' keeping me in mind!! :) !
So Namita, U were there while surprising on my happy /Vs/ sonu1' s upset vacation!
ok sonu1, anyway I wish things will settle for u very soon.
One suggetsion...Ignore her how much u can...So that u' ll never feel hurt for being ignored ! Then u never feel bad because she didnt bother to ask about ur well being in pregnancy...
They are made of rock!u just turn to be same,dear!
2008-01-05
#5
Name: Namita Subject: congrats
y to miss ur childs naming ceremony for wht they have done or wht they vl do .... this is such a special moment ... if you are Hindu, then we hve to have naming ceremony
may b not immediately, may be after a month or so ... if u can take help of ur parents and do it at their or ur plae not at IL' s place
y shud ur child miss his precious moment at the very begining of his birth ... think abt. ur, ur husbands and childs happiness
2008-01-04
#6
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
Hi Sonu1,
First of all congrats on your pregnancy!! Gosh! How are you coping with an active toddler and being pregnant at the same time!You go girl!!:)
Secondly, try not to let your MIL' s interaction (or non-interaction) with you dictate your relationships with others in your husband' s family.
Forget about your MIL for a moment and think about whether you want to go to this lady' s baby shower (or pooja) or not. If you are on friendly terms with her or if it is possible for you to go, then I would suggest that you go to the pooja.
However, if you really don' t want to go then just talk to your husband that it will be very difficult for you to go as it is morning etc. Tell him that you would have liked to go but because you are not feeling well these days and you do not want to get sick during the ceremony, you have decided that its better to stay at home and wish the lady from there only.
If you decide to do the latter, I would strongly urge you to call the other lady up and congratulate her and wish her. Exchange notes with her on your pregnancy and let her know how sorry you are for missing this important event in her life.
Also if possible, ask your husband to ask his mother if she is planning a ceremony for you also? And if not, then can she plan one because you would also like your baby to be acknowledged and prayed for. Spin it in a non-confrontational way. Say that since MIL is elder and knows the perfect way to go about it, it would be good if she can do it etc etc...
It would be assuming for me to see how she gets out of that one.. :)
take care and don' t think about it too much...you have so much to be happy about - loving husband, cute baby..and another on the way...:)
Its a new year..and decide that you are not going to be upset for more than 30 min over your MIL. She does not deserve more of your time...:)
take care,
Ritika
2008-01-04
#7
Name: sonu1 Subject: thank
Thank Ritikia
You are right i was upset for the first 30 mins then i thought she is not worth it...
Its a bit hard with 18 month old plus i work full time mon-fri but better like this as if i sit at home then i will think things and become depressed, i am alot better now that i have started work since last May.
My mil cannot do a puja for me as in ours u can only do it for the first baby and no the second pregnancy (strange if u ask me)
And alos if i could do it i wouldnt as for my sons naming ceremony she made so many problems for me after when i was then one that convinced my dh to do it as he didnt want one and i told him thats its ur parents first grandchild they would like to do it and all i got in return was them stabbing me in the back and that is something i will never forget what the put me thru after my son was born.
So this time round i have decided not to have a naming ceremony as i dont want a repeat performance and plus i have my toddler and a baby to look after so its not that easy to entertain 50 people on top of having c-section which they dont understand.
So they can goahead and make the most of that ladies ceremony and enjoy themseleves there.
The lady called to invite us and she told my husband but my husband said speak to my wife.....they all strange in their family....
anyway thanks for ur advice....i will post u if i go or dont.
2008-01-04
#8
Name: Namita Subject: ohhh
sorry, then this is a big prob... how do we know which sonu are u? .. whn ddi u post last, so that v can refer to ur story
2008-01-04
#9
Name: sonu 1 Subject: hi
ok from now on i wll call myself sonu 1....
i posted on the 29th oct, heading is Turmoil
2008-01-04
#10
Name: Namita Subject: r u the same
i think just yesterday u posted in Womens Issue section that u are happy n spend ur vacation good .... wht is this now?
2008-01-04
#11
Name: sonu Subject: hi
no i havent posted anything on womens issues.....i think there is another sonu aswell.....i am from uk....
i havent posted on the site for a long time
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hey
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Name: Swapna
Hi sonu
I´ m sonu!!
ohhh
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