Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

i would first like to thank one all for ur valuable suggestion.
As i have already mentioned in my previous post that my DH' s cousin brother is staying with us.I have already mentioned that he is doing his MBA here.He is nice but very fussy about food. As i am working i have too cook in a hurry or
cook after reaching home late at 10:30. I will be so tired then.
Under such circumstances the food that i cook sometimes is not very tasty.
So BIL grumbles about it.
3/4 times he has complained that the roti is not good but my dh said that it was good.
day before y' day he said that the roti u prepare is not good.I will prepare my roti.
I felt bad but i kept quiet and he prepared his roti though it was worth not eating what he prepared.Y' day also same thing happenned. While BIL was preparing his roti my dh kept on
shouting at me that how can i make his brother work.I just replied that when BIL says that the roti i prepare is not good then how can i force him to eat what i make. After few days he will realise and then give up making.
My dh did not understand my explanation and is still angry with me.
As it is i am tired after returning back and listen to all this tantrums is really irritating.
I slept y' day without having my dinner as i was feeling very bad.I have initiated the talk between us but still dh is not normal with me.

After both of them slept i cooked ( at 2:00 a.m) for today as i thought i could win my dh' s heart by this but of no use.

Please suggest what should i do. I am wrong in anyways.
sss replied. hi pooja,
nice to hear that you are alright.see,your issue is not a major one.it can make temporary uneasiness,but never let it bring a gap b/w you and your hubby.and for that you will have to try hard.

my husband is like your husband.he want my in-laws to love me as their own daughter and he says i have to earn that place with love.on a first look,there is nothing wrong in that.but the problem is i have to be very sweet with all of them and if anything goes bad(i mean in future),he will blame me only saying you couldnt be their daughter and couldnt fulfill my dream.so it will be my failure.so i have to be very careful.
where as i dont have such expectations from my hubby.he is a good son-in-law,no doubt.but there is no burden on him to prove that he is good.but i have.
this is a realty.
all the best to you. pooja replied. Hi ritika ,gg

Thanks a lot for your advice. I really feel nice to see ur response.
I was feeling really bad after that incident.This weekend i prepared varieties of dishes and all of my bil' s choice just to make up for all that happened and also that my husband will understand me.
My husband is now nice with me and so also my bil.
On weekends generally i cook a little elaborate way , varieties but its really tough to make simple ones on weekdays and it hurts very badly when bil complains about it.
Sometimes my dh also helps me in the kitchen.

My dh is very caring but when somebody from my in-laws family is around then he is a little different person.
Dh expects that i should do everything perfectly for my in-laws family how much ever wrong they are.I ready to go to any extent for my fil and mil but doing for others is becoming a little tough. He will not support me if somebody from my in-laws family tells or comments me when i am not at fault.

My bil has been pampared by my mil and mil' s co-sis( bil' s mother). Though bil is 22 yrs but my dh still feels that he is too young and so he also pampers him but to some extent.
All his friends are staying either is hostels or in a flat in groups.As i have already mentioned in my previous post that initially when he came to stay with us he kept on saying that he will move to stay with friends after a month. But its been 6 months he is with is and is not going to move as he is getting all the comforts here with us.

I also understand that all adults should learn to stay on their own. But i cannot tell to my dh. He will take it a different way and get furious on hearing this from me.

I agree with you both. I will try not go beyond and try not to be sweet when its actually hurting me.
I will also not let him do any cooking.

Thanks again for all ur support and advice.
gg replied. cooking at 2am jsut to impress billl. as i hv always said i dont mind keeping my fil n mil on my head...but other realtion no no for me...no matter what ...that too i hv tuff time handling my mil..
honestly speaking i hv only 3 people imp for me in life...that is fil..mil n dh...other i try to maintain soem destance that isy get along ..or u can say there is no prob in our raltion...
hats off to u..
i agree to ritika to whtever she said...
i wud suggest dont answe r him back..dont let him cook..ur hubsna is right ...u do ur chaptis this is ur house n ur kitchen ...ok...n pls dont care if he eats or not...ur duty is to serve him..this is the best u can do...
if he oesnt eat pick his food n put it in fridge n go to sleep no nee d to bother what he does ...if some1 says soemthing jsut say he doesnt like food what can i do ? ver sweetly...just staright out from hum aapke hain kaun dil' s tone...
Ritika replied. Your BIL is behaving like a spoilt brat and your husband is enabling his behavior.

The BIL is acting as if he is entitled to something...if he doesn' t like the rotis, then let him prepare for himself. What is the big deal if he has to cook for himself??

I really don' t understand all this rigid gender roles on cooking etc. Men and often women insist of women doing all the cooking at home (even when they are working outside similar to men), but when it comes to paying jobs in cooking like hotel chefs etc, all of them are taken up by men. Have you thought about that??

In your house since all of you are either working or studying full time, household chores should be divided between all.

Why are you cooking at 2 am?? And your BIL and husband sleeping like nawabs!

How are the other classmates of your BIL staying? In a hostel or in a flat in groups? Tell your husband that your BIL should learn to stay by himself..I think staying alone should be a rite of passage for all adults...they learn more about life and themselves when they have to stay alone and do things by themselves. An MBA will just teach him about academics, but living alone will be helpful to him in future life also.

The next time your BIL behaves like this, tell him with a smile that \" aapko jitne nakhre karne hain, apne bhaiyya bhabhi ke saath kar lo..apni biwi ke saath mat karna...usko achcha nahi lagega\" .

take care,
Ritika