Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi gg,

I can see by your reply to SG' s post u r admiting u need to do something about it now but u r really confused.
Even i have very good relationship with all my mil' s relatives. My mil is also from same town & her parents, 2 brothers & sister leave withing 2 km radius. they also r very much comfortable with me. sometimes even more than my sil bcs she is tempramental.
I know it can happen only if your dh agrees. it was good in mine & my friend' s case that they agreed & decision to go seprate was finally taken by themselves. It will take u some time. i never thought of going separate seriously, but guess there was no lternative to get peace. In my case it took 9 years bcs my dh is very much attached to his parents & brother. he even feels for her sis but can' t tolerate her anymore. We r also anticipating that they will come and stay with us in future & we r ready for that. but bcs it will be in our house, we will have some more say in things then.
Don' t say directly u want to go seprate, but slowly make him realise.
See if possible send your mil to some place i.e. holiday or to some realtive' s place for few days on some pretext very tactfully. then do things u wouldn' t get chance to do in her presense. your dh will like that freedom. and slowly do this evry 3-6 months. so he himself will strat thinking. Don' t talk aboput it openly.
we r not telling about the problems we had. but we r enjoying our freedom & peace.
Things will improve for u if u make effort.

Keep in touch.
love
Dd
Namita replied. gg, u r really gr8 .... i told u i was in a dual mind about seperation ... i hve seen 1 or 2 girls like u who have sacrifised and still sacrifise so much and bcoz of that at times i feel, Am i over reacting? U please give me the ans. ... i cant understnd y u people suffer so much, y u take so much from IL' s ... or i m becoming too choosy or over reacting on their behaviour .. i dnt understnd u pls. clarify my doubt ... i appreciate ur ans. and help for others ... waiting for ur reply Namita replied. gg, u try to move out ... i dnt know ur prob. may b ur DH is not agreeing bt u had enough ... even earlier i was in dual mind whtr to stay with IL' s facing all the prob. or to stay seperately ... bt now i hve made my mind to search for new place, i m lucky enough bcoz my DH has also agreed on it, he also gets irritated by their behavior .... after all v are also humanbeings, we are not door mat to take blames .... recently my MIL have started new drama, she dnt eat anything i cook neither she allows are serves it to others ... my SIL prefers to eat rice and roti with tomato ketchup rather than eating with sabji and dal i made .... my MIL will ask me to give the food i made to begger bcoz no one eats that .... i m really hurt with all this .... so i feel this is the right time to move out, i cant bear this people anymore ... God is there to teach them lesson .... now i have strated neglecting to help her in kitchen, bcoz if she dnt like me cooking then y shud i help her .. I HATE ............... gg replied. my mil is actually scared to leave her house coz her mentality is that if we buy a new house that house will be on my name n that tomorrow if i kick her out then? basically she is very insecure ...i ignore her as much as possible..but initally she harassed me alot..n that time i ddnt discuss anything on hti board..i think i started vsiting this site 1 n a half back..
i think we deserve a better life..but she is not erady for this change she is so possessive about everything whether its her son..or even utensils...even gas tove if she sees dirty she will almost cry ...saying i never left my kitchen this way ..my sil does taht..she loses her temper..but doesnt tell her anything ...but if i wud hv done that she wud hv made my life msierable..i had very very tough time with my mil..but now i hv learnt how to live with her..i can stay with her ..but soemtimes i just gv up ..after all i am a human being..i too hv emotions...heart...she is very emotional, insecure n high ego prob gg replied. i am not very young i am 30 gg replied. i hv done everything posssible to buy ahouse that too together with entire family but my mil is not sopprting us..i think if we hv better house there will be less interaction between my mil n me ..n that will reduce fights..but no comments where i live is good enough of space to accomodate us but not comfi..n no privacy..we need better house atleast 3bhk..i hv given up al hopes right now my sil is doing her best to buy a house ...my huband n i laugh at htme ..coz i know what will happen in the end...i only pray for myself hope everything fall in its right place at right time..
my mil will never let us go seperate nor she will let us do soemthing good for our family.. Dd replied. hi gg,
i guess u do not agree with me on this bcs u have chose not to comment on this massage. sorry if i heart u. but i really felt for u. Even though u r very young to me(i am 33) we have lot in common. i believe it more now after reading your reply to sonu today. we think alike a lot on varied issues.

even i never wanted to leave my inlaws. since 2- yrs we were looking for a place to buy but couldn' t bcs we wanted to buy 3bhk for all of us to be able to leave together comfertably. we could have easily found & bought 2 bhk with our budget. but were straching it & trying to find biger place. we nevr thought it not to be our house when we were leaving with them. but the house was small. & my mil & sil has the habit to stroe lot of old things so it was very conjusted also but we coudn' t change their mind about it so were searching for big place to accomodate them. when my dh & sil had a fight that day they told him this is not your house that hurt him a lot. bcs he is very imotinally attched to whole family. i told my mil after wards over the phone that so what if house was financed partially by her & bil was paying installments for the house since 6 yrs. we were providing for house hold expanses & for alll their whims & couldn' t save anything for ourself but never regretted it bcs we thought these is our family. fil is retired & bil is not giving maney on regular base, only now & then for some festivle shoping or for some trips only. but we nevre thought about it bcs we thought we were one family.
now my dh has realised but still he wants to give them money for montly basis & i don' t object to that. becuse although money is important it is not everything in life. we will get our dues as per our karma. may be it is result of our some karmas in past that we have to go thru all these things.

sorry i got carried away with my story.
but what i wanted to say to u is that i don' t want u to suffer that long. it took us long time. but now we r thinking of ourself first. so think about yourself.