Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hey guys, any of you have kids but want to minimize their contact with inlaws? sometimes i feel angry at my inlaws so i keep him away from them..after all they have treated me so badly, how can they love MY child? any thoughts? SG replied. I can understand ur feelings..When u dont like someone(Inlaws in ur case), some who has given u so much pain& tensions for whole life, u dont want ur lovedones(like hubby & kids) to talk to them. Its a very normal reaction.
Hubby u cant stop..so only kids r left whom u want to get close to them.But u shud never do it directly. It will be bad impact on child' s emotions.If they r keeping ur kids nicely so better to digest ur tensions or else u will also endup like Inlaws who cant see Son & DIL together.

Kids hv their own life & let them live their childhood.Kids grow better if they hv nice grandparents around them.

But make sure that u r able to develop ur kid in ur own way, keep taking their advise also. gg replied. i totally agree with saheli ...
u must hv read about my prob wiht mil...but tell me how much to fight with her...acc to me atleast its with me i cant be like my mil fighting n cooking up stories all the time even i hv my personal life...after my daughter was born my mil was totally attached with her..infact she was very upset that i got daughter she wanted son...today she is mad about her...things changed after my daughter was born ...her attention was totally diverted to her..this reduced tension between up ..which i am happy i can now concentrate on other things n mentally i am happy now..it has broght soem peace in my life...dont get ur problems btwn grandparents n grandchil...this is not fair...if this is getting some peace in ur life than there is nothing wrong in it... Saheli replied. Its natural to get irritated and angry at the unjustified behavior of inlaws towards the DIL. Considering the relationship a mother shares with her child, it is not surprising the way you are feeling.

One thing we DILs forget at these times is -- the child is a different entity. Child is not anymore a part of this mother/parents and has his own world, desires, likings, preferences and fate. for our responsibilities, duties and rights towards the child .. we do not have right to deprive the child of the love that he would get from grandparents. Dont let your hatred come into the way of love betn grandparents and the child. Infact, let that relationship proper as much as possible, never teach the child against his grandparents. This is a relationship the child will cherish for ever.

Fight your own battle. You might get hurt if I use words like ' you are using something else to win the battle' . but dear, you are just reacting out of anger and helplessness. Step back and think with patience and you will realise what a blunder you wer about to do.

Infact, try this out. Keep your battle with you and when it comes to kids, be even more \" bonding\" . Send the kids more often to the ILs, praise ILs to kids especially so that ILs hear it .. or the kids go and tell to ILs. Let ILs take up small responsibilities of the children - they feel more honored when they see that the DIL trusts them when it comes to her children. Praise ILs to other people (esp who u know will report back to ILs) .. praise how well they take care of kids.

And above all .. do this for our ethics and values. What we teach our children is what the generation will learn ... and do in future. They note and learn from every little thing, and you cant hide it from them. If we have this love and respect inside us, it will get transmitted to the next generation unknowingly.

Dont feel guilty. We all have been through this feeling and its natural. Look at the positive. You somewhere felt you were not quite right and put up a Q on thiss board and you are getting your answers. so your heart is pure. All you need is a vent to drain out the IL issues. So find out other ways for that! And dont forget, we are always here for you !!

Good luck.