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Role of in-laws:major problem
2007-08-23
Name: chandigarh



In laws have made me and my husband stay away for 6 months and made my life miserable.
After my delivery, my MIL, FIL, SILs are all biased and cursed me for things I have never thought of. My husband is blind follower of them and believes in whatever they say to him and so he is no different to me.He behaves differently in front of them and behind them.
Now I came back to my husband on condition that I will not allow any of my ILs in my house. He Agreed silently but now, After 3-4 months I feel pity for him as he is the only son and he wants to stay with them. So, I asked him to bring his parents.
Now I am very much thretened as I know that my husband will again get into there influence and my life is going to be hell again. I want suggestions to how to tackle with them now.
what I have thought is to move in a bigger house so that interference is least and not to talk to them and also don' t want to cook food for them. Please help me. And they are really really bad people, but just for the happiness of my husband I allowed them to come back. I have a 1 year old baby and I am working also.

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2007-08-27
#1
Anonymous Name: JS
Subject:  dont do that mistake!!!!!!!!



hi,
Dont Dont Dont even do that blunder....Dont pity for ur hubby!did he support u or had pity for u when his parents were torturing you???????atlast u have come separately and livng a life after so much has taken place...and further dont worry that your hubby is the only son so their parents are missing their sons love!!!Are we not missing our parents?did' nt we adjust ourself to live with the persons whom we know to the max of 6 mts or so? I dont understand this..The parents of the boy show more love to their son only after his marriage???? by crying,blackmailing etc...
If u want, bring them for few days..and you both can vist them everyweekend or fortnightly,if it is nearer.(You cannot straighten the DOGS tail)same applies here too...At first to come to their son they will pretend as if they have changed over night,,,,but slowly they will start everthing....(I HAVE UNDERGONE EVERYTHING AND STILL UNDER THE SAME ROOF)So just to please your hubby and gain his love dont invite the problem voluntarily...and strugling with it for the life time..
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2007-08-23
#2
Anonymous Name: sonu
Subject:  agree



Hi

I agree with what everyone has said.
Yes u are inviting trouble for urself as these all biddies never change but they always expect for us to change and adapt and once u start doing that they start taking advantage and torturing more.
I made that mistake by agreeing to have a naming ceremony for my son when i didnt want one in the first place but being their first grandson (my husband had 3 sisters which all have children, so already my inlaws have 8 granchildren)as my husband is only son and thats where the problems started.i look back and should have never agreed.
i agree with gg inlaws are capable of operating from anywhere and everywhere no matter how far or near they are. mine live 3 hours away and sil and mil still manage to cause problems.
I have now stopped going there apart from functions and they go on about my son not giong there(13 months) but i really dont care...they were never there for me in my pregnancy or after and just cause he will carry the family name all of a sudden they want to spend time with him. I am not against sending him there and when he is older he will go with his dad, but until then tough luck for them. i never stop my husband from going there and yes it bothers them that i dont go there because people ask questions as why ur dil dont come anymore and they have to answer but u can only lie for so long...but i dont care about that either...they have mentally tortured me during and after my pregnancy which no women can forget so now god has looked down on me and let them get their payback.
I have no interest in going there now except for functions and i go there and sit like a guest....lol and i dont even feel guilty. as i have 3 sil u can imagine how hard it is to keep a straight face and be nice when i know what they are like behind my back but to a degree i have to play their own game when i am there and the rest of the time i do what i want.
If u have agreed to call them over now let it be but lay ur laws and do it the way u want not what they want...be strong...ur husband will never speak up and stick up for u so u have to do it for urself. Anways u are bad whether u do good or bad so why not just be the way u are.
My mil always says u are my daughter...i question one thing would she treat her daughter the way she treats me...NO NO NO.
So why should we treat our mil they way we treat or mums...we shouldnt as they dont deserve it. I hope well no i will never be a mil from hell....
good luck and all the best and keep us informed as to what is happening.

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2007-08-23
#3
Anonymous Name: SG
Subject:  Be prepared



How many times did u think abt calling them? Just 4 mnths hv past,hv u forgotton ur torture so soon ..maybe it wasnt enuf so u invited more problems.
Is u & ur hubby relationship has become strong enuf to face problems.U shud hv waited for some more time before taking such decision.Its not that u shudnt call them but give smtime to ur relation.
U cud hv visited them for few days & this way u cud hv seen chg in their nature.
Now if the decision has been taken..pls for ur own sake try to make it short visit for 2 mnths or so.In that period be nice to them & dont allow them to tk hold of ur kitchen or family matters.Just let them enjoy their children company.Sometime they start old issues again but just avoid them.U can tell ur husband to observe & then react to anything but with exp i can say no benefit of such discussions. When time comes he will surely keep quiet or tk his parent' s side.
So be prep for all kind of tensions...All the best.
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2007-08-23
#4
Anonymous Name: gg
Subject:  hi



let me tell u one thing ...
never think bigger house will solve ur prob..my mother' s mil that is my dadi..my mom left her in laws house n came to bombay from her villge ..coz she was fed up with her mil' s torture n her 4 sil' s torture...but they wud operate from there too...
moral of the story u cant get rid of this torture ..no girl is safe from this..even thoes pretending to be happy...
husband 4get it...30 days he will listen to u...but on 31st day he will definately rmbr his mother' s love....so plssssssssss 4 get him....
now since u hv done so much for ur husband then learn to do all house work...u may hv baby...office ..bla..bla all that is ur headache..ther eis a solution u can hv maid..but if they r bad then dont worry they will get rid of maid soon so that u do work...
possible ur fil will all of a sudden get a liking for ur food...so they will ask for u to cook..or ur mil will hv acidity prob ...so again they will ask u to cook...
there are many many things about joint family to tackle...which u hv to learn to gv them back...

the best advise i can gv u is...if u cant fight with them join them....since u hv decided to stay with them then u hv to learn to tackle them n snatch ur peace n happiness frm them ....n u hv to learn this on ur own...no one can teach u...this process involves lots of kicks on ur back...u will learn hard way...
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2007-08-23
#5
Anonymous Name: Ritika
Subject:  Re:



Hmmm...Let me get this straight!

Your in-laws made your life hell.

Your husband gets unduly influenced by them and behaves badly to you.

They made your husband and you stay way from each other for 6 months.

They curse you whenever they want to.

Somehow you resolved everything with yr husband and got together.

Now after 3-4 months you are inviting them back in your life and home!!!!!

For what???

Some people are toxic..and you shd stay away from them. In your case you are willingly taking in the poison.

If you think suffering is a virtue..go ahead. But if I were you, I would never do that. I would have gone and visited them for a few days maybe..but never allowed them to come and stay with us forever again.
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2007-08-23
#6
Anonymous Name: Ritika
Subject:  Re:



And if you say " I feel pity for him as he is the only son and he wants to stay with them" , I think I´ ll bang my head against the wall.

:) just kidding.

puhleaze...your husband is a grown man (but emotionally he is still behaving like a child). Everybody misses their parents...you both can go visit them sometimes..as often as you visit yr own parents... or doesn´ t he feel any pity for you? for being away from yr parents?
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2007-08-23
#7
Anonymous Name: Namita
Subject:  in-laws big prob.



inform ur husband that u are allowing them at ur home just becoz u love him and want his happiness, tell him clearly u wont tolerate any of their influence on him give him some eg of past ... tell him u vl react if u see any non-sense, and if he agrees to it let them come otherwise call up and tell them in a tactful way tht they are invited for a month or so to get along ... if they come to stay with u always b firm with ur in-laws, dont adjust to any of their dam thing.
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