Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Pls understand that your case is a little different one. As you have mentioned you love your hubby and want to be with him - to be able to do so - let me tell you that you will have to be strong and very very patient. You would need to take planned steps and not expect multiple results same time. It also calls for some sacrifice and adjustment from your side.

If all this sounds as difficult and ' big words' to you then let me tell you that you its not that difficult, and you have already been doing some of it. Just be confident.

When there are multiple issues and we are not able to think or decide what to do, it might help if u actually list down your problems in a diary, prioritize them, write down your best possible solutions infront of each, and then hit them accordingly.

I feel - the temporary separation between hubby and you is the issue we should be addressing first. This is giving rise to many unwanted issues like misunderstandings between two of you, going too far to make spouse come back to you and thus spoiling the relationship, you guys are lising confidence in each other - overall its just impacting your relationship.

When a lady moves out of house, it really hurts the man. Moving out is a big step for a man. And when women do that, men feel bad and get driven back into their shells. They dont understand why women take such big steps for petty matters. Moreover, men have too much more ego than we usually have.
Dont expect him to openly talk out his heart to you, or tell you how he sufferred when you were away, or how he missed you. Dont feel he doesnt want u back. He DEFINTELY wants you back but what he is thinking probably is \" she has gone out so she should come back herself\" , or may be his ego is stopping him.

Secondly, the way you said your ILs have reacted, i dont feel too good about them. A mature/sensible elder would have reacted neutrally and taken the path of cool discussion after reading your email. But they have overreacted, got angry at you. And I dont think when they come back, they are going to take positive steps.

So go back to your home. One, because its your home. Two, running away from problems, going to mom' s place is not a right solution. Never do that, unless extremes. Stay there and face it. Three, if you are away from hubby and home, u r giving them opportunities. Four, if you are there you can talk to him and sort your problems. Five, as anotherdil and Ritika have said, you have enough time to sort out things till inlaws are away.

You dont need to say sorry to husband when u go back. But yes, u need to control your ego and initiate conversation - casual and normal - nothing about the issue.

Once u 2 are back to normal life, then u can talk to him coolly about the problems. No nagging, no shouting, no arguing, but open and cool discussion. Make sure u dont hurt his ego.

Why i say your case is different because, you are expected to handle your hubby' s psychological condition too. I guess he must be sufferring from complexes as he earns less and has fertility problems. And now that u have communicated that to his parents, it has hurt really his ego. You are expected to be positive with him, never ever raise topics related to salary or kids, and TELL him that you love him as he is, you accept him as he is, and you want to be with him all life. Dont show you are obliging him, show that u need him.

Give him love, care. He needs it generally, and u need it to win his heart. Balance it to not show him that u r begging.

Once you are settled with hubby, let us know and depending on the situation then, we can discuss what to do about other problems when inlaws come back.

One more thing. I have come across a few men who accor to me are simply useless as husbands or fathers. After their marriages, somehow these people have lost jobs or havent been able to earn, and their wives have done better than them and also supported families. Such men develop complxes, do nothing rest of life, fight in the house, love care and couselors fail, and such hubbies are nothing but a burden. I wouldnt like to spend my life with a man like that.

Good luck. oppressed replied. Thanks saheli for sharing such wonderful thoughts. It ws very supportive of u. One thing I would like to say is at the moment I cannot go back .
What happend was I fought with y hubby and went out to a mall nearby to run away from the thoughts. when it ws late and he calld me up...I said uv ditched me very well and given me false promises always and I wont go to my moms place also but will go away elsewhere. I was really hurt and depressed.
Then he calls my mom n asks her to take me home as Im very angry and tensed.He promised he' ll cm bk the weekend n take me when Im colled down.
After that the scene chaged totally. is parents asked him not to take me n let me be theer till they cm back. When my folks ask him as to why he said he' ll cm n take me, he said your daughter was threatening that she' ll run away smwhere so I asked u to take her. she is the one who stepped out and no way she can come till my parents ask her to .
Im sure he' ll push me out even if he dosnt want to coz hez very scared of his folks. Moreover they have termed me as arrogant, no respect fr elders etc....now if I go against their wishes...this will support their allegations against me right? My fols have no intention of sending me until they have a dicussion with his parents in july