Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I got married 2 years before ,love marriage without my parents permission .I took a big step and got married , hIs family supported our marriage.Then we came to US ,now we want to start a family , i started looking about all the things to become mother and got excited , but now i feel like there is communication gap between me & my husband , as i am planning for preganency he is asking his parents to come here now on that we had a fight as i want my first pregnancy to be happy and not like where i have to work in kitchen for whole day , as if Inlaws come then i have to really work hard as my MIL will not do anything in kitchen and my FIL wants variety of food like hotel everyday also here in US we have to clean all the things by ourself , so i started thinking seriously and came to conclusion that if my husband wants to invite his parents to US this year then i am not interested in getting preganent ,as i can imagin what life will become only work and work ,,, In India i used to work in MNC(IT) but now it feels like i don' t have anthing ,, In my home i never cooked food and never even made cup of tea for my mother and now after marriage i think i only cook and cook.
So my HUIsband is mad at me and he feels like there is not any problem if both happens at the same time means my Inlaws come here and i get preganent.
But i am not ready for that , i am so depressed and sometimes feel like going back to India and working and living alone wihtout any relation ..
I am so confused and don' t know which is the right thing to do ..
It' s like what i plan never happens in that way ,,when after almost 1.5 year we went back to India fro 1 month and i went to my Home frist time after marriage and i got only 5 days to stay at my home in 30 days ,, why it is alwas like we have to think about husbands parents ,,,girls also have hearts , i so desperately wanted to spend more time with my Mom but couldn' t help it ,,why girls have to sacrifice all the thing after marriage and
husbands don' t even think about it that what we are going through ..
now i feel like i am not at all interested in getting pregnant and let him do whatever he wants to do i will not say anything
Can anybody pleasae help me ,,,
I feel like running away from all the things somewhere far ..
hope2help replied. Have you considered making up a weekly menu to assist with grocery shopping? Very simply what isnt on the menu does not get cooked which will hopefully prevent fil from demanding you cook at his whim. As for mil, asking her advice and help in cooking certain meals can work in your favour assuming you seemingly ask with the desire to learn from her wealth is experience. Admittedly this won' t help you with the cleaning side of things but it is better than no help at all. Help replied. Hi All,

Thanks alot for your advise .. It will be really helpful to me.
Thanks Alot ..
friend replied. Hi Dear
I Can Understand How you feel coz My husband was doing the same thing when i was planning for baby. What you can do is tell your husband that getting pregnant is not always easy, sometime it take time and people get frustrated, what we can do is wait for some time let' s conceive first and at time of dilivery we will call parents so that they can have good time with Grand child or they will miss the birth. and that time you will get some help from them so it is good for you too, not necessary in cooking but they can watch baby and you can cook and it is always good to have some elders during that time, coz we don' t many thing that they know. Try explaining this thing to him I hope he will understand.

I know we don' t get much time to spend with our parents I went to india for 3 month Got to spend 10 days at my mom place. so I think everyone is same in that. Ritika replied. Just one question - did yr husband invite his parents to come and stay with you guys for a few months without discussing it with you?

That' s strange considering its a love match and you' ve been married only 2 yrs...

Anyways, if you are not comfortable being pregnant at this time, then you are not. You will be the one having the harmonal changes, morning sickness, swollen feet, headaches etc..so I think its fine for you to wait awhile to get pregnant.

Its not like yr in laws are going to come and stay with you for ever..so max they' ll stay is 6 mths (I' m assuming they' re coming on tourist visa)...

Just talk nicely to yr husband and tell him that 6 mths is not that long a time..why fight over it so much...you dont feel comfortable not knowing how bad or good yr pregnancy is going to be...say that you want to focus only on his parents for this visit..you want to make sure that they have a pleasant visit and praise you after they are gone...etc etc...Pregnancy ideally should be happy and tension free for it affects the baby...so if the mother is not happy, the baby might suffer..

Just a note - start taking folic acid (pre natal)tablets if you are planning to conceive...dont stress yourself out too much..

Abt yr India visits - I fail to understand why you visited yr own parents for only 5 days out of 30!! You dont have to fight and shout but dear, you can always firmly say that you are going to visit for so many days yr family...tell yr husband before the visit itself how long you want to stay with yr parents etc so later on there is no fight between the 2 of you...