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very tough to handle when by 21/2yr son cries
my son is starts crying for little things and is very stubborn. he get so angry for little things and would not stop crying for more than 2 hrs. and so. he does the same in the night. all of a sudden he wakes up from sleep and starts crying. i'm finding a few things very very strange. he loves to play in water and take bath but would not let me clean his nose and when iclean his nose. he starts crying and says put it back in my nose. when i go to toilet. he refuses to get down from me and does not let me go away from him for even few seconds. when i forcibly leave him and go to toilet, he says go back to the toilet and dont come out. i dont want u and keeps crying for really long. he hits and bites when he is in such mood. becoz he's misbehaving a lot i hit him very badly, since i'm just not able to control him. i always try talking very politely and try to distract his mood and finally give up and hit him really hard. is it becoz of this kind of behaviour of mine, is he also getting into violet behaviour. i'm really upset and dont know how to handle my son. even in the night all of a sudden he'll wake up from his sleep and starts cryng and will not listen to what we are trying to talk to him. he just doesnt listen and keeps crying. from past 3 weeks he;s not been eating properly and sleeping properly becoz he had a viral fever 2 weeks back. he's like eating only one apple and 2 sapotas and 1/2 upof milk for one full day which is really less and his food intake is really less inspite of giving him diff. kind of foold-what he likes and he's not sleeping properly. yesterday again when he refused to eat and i got really wild and threw him on the bed and even before i could react he says you hit me how much ever u want but i wont eat. i'm very loving and very very playful and extremely affectiionate to him but hit him hard and scream badly at him when he misbehaves-is it wrong. is it becoz of me my son has become very violent. earlier he used to behave properly when my husband raises his voice once but now he's not scared of him either. nothing works when he's in the crying mood. my husband says that my son is getting abnormal and we need to check with a physcologist. but i cant accept with what he says. what i feel is that my son is very stubborn but not abnormal. what should i do. pls pls............advise,.soon
Rashmi replied. Hi,

As a parent we struggle to do what is right for our kids. I am touched by your story.

My child when he was 2 used to throw TERRIBLE tantrums as well. Like your child, he too used to get up in the middle of the night and cry uncontrollably.

Now he is a wonderful 5 yr old. He is very well behaved and very sweet.

So take heart. Your child is only 2 1/2. He has a lot of time to grow up.

Some suggestions I would like to give:
- When your child misbehaves, remind yourself that he is only 2 1/2. You as an adult find it difficult to control your anger and you shout, scream and even hit. HOW can you expect a 2 1/2 year old to display perfect behaviour?

- He will learn to control his behaviour better as he grows, but he will learn only if you show him. Good behaviour has to be learnt. If you keep behaving badly, your child will also learn to only behave badly.

- When you get angry, try some techniques like deep breathing, etc to control your anger. Try to teach these techniques to your child as well

- Also when your child wakes up in the night, hold him and console him. There is no reason for this night time crying. My son also used to have terrible nights. There is nothing you can do about this. Just hold him and love him. This stage will pass after some time.

- When a child starts throwing a tantrum, he needs a lot of consoling and love. He may not be able to calm down by himself. But NEVER give into his tantrums. For example if he starts crying because you took his toy away, you try to console him, but dont give him the toy just because he is crying.

- Children love to explore their surroundings. They explore by seeing, touching and tasting as well. It is perfectly natural and healthy. You should not punish your child for this. If he puts something dirty in his mouth, try to remove it and just take him away to a different place. Try to keep things away from him.

- Also your husband's suggestion of meeting a doctor is a good one. Going to a counsellor does not mean that something is \";abnormal\"; with you or your child. Your child is perfectly normal for his age. That is how most kids would behave at 2 1/2. But a doctor can give you professional advice. Isnt that better than getting advice from just discussion forums?

All, the best. This is a stage and it will pass. Just be patient. Always show love no matter how difficult. Suzie replied. Give soupy food or Porridge if teething and give variety mix 2 diff color vegie, Yoghurt, Rice Soup , Spinach Soup Chicken soup etc and Jsut be angry for 1 Minute only maximum and than hug and kiss him they love hugging and kiss try for 15 days atleast MANALI replied. Its good to know that u r going to control ur anger. Tell me whether he has completed with his teething, i.e. all of his teeth have ruptured or not. In case teeth are still rupturing then it causes angish in children due to which they become wild and wayward. Its the art of parents to handle them. Give him homeopathic medicine SBL- 21, available on all leading chemist stores. This will give him ease. That could be another reason why he puts all dirty things in mouth, because it may be very irritating when gums ruptured. Try and apply honey on gums to give relief. And do not force him to eat. You eat in front of him, whatever he likes. This would attracts him and he may come to eat from your plate. manali replied. Its a sorry state of affirs. But to a large extent you are responsible for his behaviour. Its you who has forced him to behave like this. Stop being harsh to him, even if he misbehaves. DO NOT HIT HIM at any cost. You have to become more tolerant. Its just b'coz you have been hitting him time & again, he has become hard. He loves you a lot, but is not receiving the equal quantum from your side. Do not punish him or slap him. There is still some hope left that he changes his behaviour. BUt for this you have to work hard. Try to give all your attention and love. Go out for a walk, play around in parks. Be always polite and listen to what he wants. If he does not want you to do something at one time don't do it. Do it later on. Give mhim ample time. Shower all your love and make him understand his fault with love. Tell him taht you are never going to hit him ever. Tell me if any improvement occurs after 15-20 days.