Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have a very rare case of issue. My dh is not abusing me, does'nt have illicit relationships with other men or women, he loves my children and me. He is a devoted family man. I do not like my in-laws very much but I definetely cannot blame my dh for that. The problem is my husband is almost 40 and I am in my early 30s. He wants to seek GOD and is doing meditation and all sorts of stuff that does not interest me at all. Instead of feeling happy that he is doing something that is giving him peace I feel dejected. IMO, the 2 things that we both did together usually were having intimacy and watching tv. That is now taken away because he is not interested in the former one and his meditation training course does not recommend the latter. I did tell him earlier that our act of making love was not romantic at all and it was rather an inconvenience for me so he is taking that up as his defense now. AWs, I do not feel that I should force him to do it, if he does not want to, because for me, it is more emotional than physical. I am feeling dejected and as though I have lost a very close friend. I am left to do things by myself, like enjoy our time with children and feeling happy in their accomplishments. I feel lonely and my social status does not help me to do things by myself. For example, I do have feelings of going away with a friend for a few days or going back to India to my family leaving him alone with his GOD. My friends are all married and they have children and no one will go away with me. What will I do with my children? I am absolutely depressed. What shoudl I do? He tried to get me into meditation and stuff but I am not at all interested. (btw, lurkers please do not feel that I am looking to have another man for a relationship. That thought actually disgusts me.) saheli replied. You seem to be a mature and sensible person.
What do you want to do now? You want your hubby to come back to normal life ... or .. you are ok with his new craze bjust want him to be romantic etc ...?

I hv some ideas in case you want him to come back to normal life, not sure if they really help u. But remember, this will be a very slow process and you will have to take it patiently, never hurting hubby, always appreciating him, not nagging him.

Are u aware why your hubby has turned to those things? or What made him do that? if you dont know, try and analyse what has made him do that. Once you know the root cause, you can think of taking an action based on that. What i mean to say is, for example, he got influenced by some friend who is into it, or, he came across this meditation-thing somewhere and got impressed ..?

Thus, say if it is a friend, then u can take help from your third close common/family friend/couple and slowly work with them to get back to normal life ... or if he got influenced thru something else .. may be u create situations that he becomes so busy in daily life tht he gets less and less time to spend in meditation etc ... and during those days you take actions that simultaneously he is forgetting that life.
(Sometimes u need to take big actions to save ur married life.)

As An exaggerated example, if i am not praying everyday and only seeing X rated films .. you know what impact it will have on my mind!

Thirdly, u can also seek help from some counsellor (even from India, on phone, that will be cheaper too). Ask someone from your close relative in india to find out a counsellor who can guide u on phone.

One of our relatives (lady!) is also into this swami-baba thing, she is just in 30s and has a kid too. I dont think sex is forbidden for her, but she has made lot of other changes in life and i see her young hubby sufferring. She eats only home cooked food without onion garlic, avoids family functions, no close relatives/visitors, home has just basic things, she has lots of rules in house, does all housework by herself. Her hubby and son has no issues since hubby gets what he wants, and she also takes good care of kid.
Thus - since it is not impacting anybody as such.. the family has accepted her craze and no one objects her.

hope this helps SG replied. hello,
Why dont u join some hobby course or do some part time job which can be done during the time ur kids r off to school.Join a library.I hope u must hv already discussed with ur H tht too much of everything is wrong.Meditation is not bad,even u can do once a day,but leaving u unstatisfied is not fair..tell him if u'll also join him to this extent what will happen to the family.do u live in joint family, if not then u can call or go to ur friends home for refreshment.I know its not possible to go out for few days with ur frnd but u can go to go to India if u hv not gone from along time. I hope my sugestions help u in some way.