We have given a lot to ILs in past five years. last year I gave them a good lecture out of frustration, now they bought a car worth 8 lakhs and didnt told us abt it, now I m afarid when my hubby comes they will ask for money..I dont want to give them a penny. we odnt have a car, we live in a rented smalllll place...and they have bought a big house wih our money and its on BILs name..they have this partial attitude they dont love my hubby much, but he dont agree with that, everyone else can see, they pressurize him a lot for money..on bdays my hubby sends 50K to each one of them.
I had lot of talks/fights with hubby over this, but no solution yet.
And they dont give us anything, on my bday they visited us and said that we dont have money, that was 10 months back and now they have 8 lakhs o buy the car.
Can I do anything about it? Anyone else has same issue?
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We have given a lot to ILs in past five years. last year I gave them a good lecture out of frustration, now they bought a car worth 8 lakhs and didnt told us abt it, now I m afarid when my hubby comes they will ask for money..I dont want to give them a penny. we odnt have a car, we live in a rented smalllll place...and they have bought a big house wih our money and its on BILs name..they have this partial attitude they dont love my hubby much, but he dont agree with that, everyone else can see, they pressurize him a lot for money..on bdays my hubby sends 50K to each one of them.
I had lot of talks/fights with hubby over this, but no solution yet.
And they dont give us anything, on my bday they visited us and said that we dont have money, that was 10 months back and now they have 8 lakhs o buy the car.
Can I do anything about it? Anyone else has same issue?
ana replied. this is for both - kalpana and di-bh.
1. for some days, do some homework on this : DO THIS WITHOUT HUSBAND'S KNOWLEDGE
sit and understand total financial earnings of your family (you, your hubby, etc not inlaws). Plan for financial investments for long time future, what u want to be when u are 60?
Ur house, atleast a car, medical insurance coverage for both of you, enough pension and other earnings for living, money/jewelry/land for child's education/marriage, etc, also better to insure your own house for fire/earthquake etc. Also consider any EMIs you are giving for current car/house loan and future investment on the same.
You can talk to a financial consultant for guidance.
Thus, you will know how much money you need to spend and how.
Remember, private jobs are without pension.
After you are done with all this homework, share it with your hubby.
Thus as a family, you know what u need to ivest and how u can spend his salary.
When u meet the financial consultant and discuss these, u will be shocked - on how much money u r wasting.
Then share with hubby, i am sure he will be glad and understand. Then 2 of u plan the life's investment.
Dont speak anything about inlaws etc in all this.
By the time u plan and invest, there will be little money left to spend on others!
2. at the end of day, sarees, jewelry etc is all maya - dont think too much about materialistic things. Even if u have lot of money after investments, its ok giving some to parents.
Who gave you what, thin and thick gold chains - everything has to be left here when you die.
If there is so much trouble from others, have courage to repeat these words of mine to them :)
all the best
di bh replied. hey i am in same situation.I live in US. when i first went to India my in laws asked me 101 times what did ur parents give u ?my family gave me a jewellery set.So for that my MIL said is this all they gave u . But when it came to them imagine they gave me a chain of very very less weight ( cant imagine)and 1 pendant so light that a kid can twist it..for that my ils asked me come shopping for 1 week. I got sick and complained to my husband. he didnt tell anything but he felt bad.Also my ils gave me an engagement saree of 1100 rs . imagine for an engagement in our custom the saree shud be much costlier as much as atleast 4000 rs.But i blasted them everywhere after my marriage and coming here.
See there is no point telling them anything.they will do as they wish.teh day my mil gave me that thin chain she was asking my fil did u bring that jewellery set from the goldsmith.Hey dont worry u will be much happier buying stuff by yourself. Only thing u need to do is slowly try convincing your hubby to put some money regularly say for a car and a house like that.
i know it will drive us nuts when in laws do such things but we cant do anything about it.But one thing is for sure sooner or later your husband will realise only thing u need to do is try to divert his mind towards u and slowly have your own luxuries.
2006-10-11
#1
Name: ana Subject: sub maya hai
this is for both - kalpana and di-bh.
1. for some days, do some homework on this : DO THIS WITHOUT HUSBAND'S KNOWLEDGE
sit and understand total financial earnings of your family (you, your hubby, etc not inlaws). Plan for financial investments for long time future, what u want to be when u are 60?
Ur house, atleast a car, medical insurance coverage for both of you, enough pension and other earnings for living, money/jewelry/land for child's education/marriage, etc, also better to insure your own house for fire/earthquake etc. Also consider any EMIs you are giving for current car/house loan and future investment on the same.
You can talk to a financial consultant for guidance.
Thus, you will know how much money you need to spend and how.
Remember, private jobs are without pension.
After you are done with all this homework, share it with your hubby.
Thus as a family, you know what u need to ivest and how u can spend his salary.
When u meet the financial consultant and discuss these, u will be shocked - on how much money u r wasting.
Then share with hubby, i am sure he will be glad and understand. Then 2 of u plan the life's investment.
Dont speak anything about inlaws etc in all this.
By the time u plan and invest, there will be little money left to spend on others!
2. at the end of day, sarees, jewelry etc is all maya - dont think too much about materialistic things. Even if u have lot of money after investments, its ok giving some to parents.
Who gave you what, thin and thick gold chains - everything has to be left here when you die.
If there is so much trouble from others, have courage to repeat these words of mine to them :)
all the best
2006-10-11
#2
Name: lj Subject: Excellent
Well said. Good thoughts.
2006-10-11
#3
Name: hj Subject: well said
hey ana
two thumbs up for what you said yaar
2006-10-11
#4
Name: di bh Subject: Dont bother
hey i am in same situation.I live in US. when i first went to India my in laws asked me 101 times what did ur parents give u ?my family gave me a jewellery set.So for that my MIL said is this all they gave u . But when it came to them imagine they gave me a chain of very very less weight ( cant imagine)and 1 pendant so light that a kid can twist it..for that my ils asked me come shopping for 1 week. I got sick and complained to my husband. he didnt tell anything but he felt bad.Also my ils gave me an engagement saree of 1100 rs . imagine for an engagement in our custom the saree shud be much costlier as much as atleast 4000 rs.But i blasted them everywhere after my marriage and coming here.
See there is no point telling them anything.they will do as they wish.teh day my mil gave me that thin chain she was asking my fil did u bring that jewellery set from the goldsmith.Hey dont worry u will be much happier buying stuff by yourself. Only thing u need to do is slowly try convincing your hubby to put some money regularly say for a car and a house like that.
i know it will drive us nuts when in laws do such things but we cant do anything about it.But one thing is for sure sooner or later your husband will realise only thing u need to do is try to divert his mind towards u and slowly have your own luxuries.
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