Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi ,
I feel very sorry that my MIL has health problems such as diabetes & arthritis. She keeps complaining all the time abt her health issues day in & day out. My dh almost cries everyday when his mom goes on & on abt her health. Her whining never stops even for a min. She emotionally blackmails everyone that she is going to die if we don't care for her by serving her all the time. She has this hold on him becoz of her health issues. She yells at me almost for everything. Nothing that i do makes her happy. For ex, once she was whining of her leg ache, i just told her to lie in a bathtub & take her medicines, she barked so much at me for no fault of mine. I went to press her legs one day & she started yelling for that also saying that it aggrevates her pain(as if i knew!!). I just don't know what to say to her when she keeps complaining of her pains. I secretly hope (i hate to say this) that she dies soon.
bye chaitra replied. hi all,
I wud like to share a funny incident...well, atleast I consider it funny!!
My MIL told my hubby that she has arthritis just becoz she breastfed him & that he ate all her calcium...How sick of her!!! roopa replied. This happened when my husband was in US and I was in India. I had abortion and was at my mom's place. Whenever my hubby called mil, she would say that she is having severe pain in the leg and is unable to get up from the sofa, bed etc. And my husband would keep asking me to run and see her and take care. The days after abortion is painful, you get severe pains which are unbearable. If it was so serious my sil and bil who stay with her would have told us, but they didn't bother to talk at all. Dont know if she was doing naatak to avoid seeing me or to show she too needs attention. lata replied. oh..i got it now....why my fil made so much of natak when he was here...he has this backpain problem and one day he kept complaing he has chest pain...it was nothing but acidity...
my hsuband was gone to different state. i was worried here ...thinking what it could be. fil called astrologer in india..and suddenly from next day he was feeling better, started going oout for wwalk.
can u belkieve this and when my husband returned on weekend. he was crying loudly. complaining about illness.
i can say that they are doing all this to get control on their son. nothing else. Anu replied. I have the same issue. When my MIL was here visiting and would see that her son was too busy for few days and did not pay much attention to her, her drama started.
Comparing her with my mom(My mom is 8 yrs younger to my MIL) but my mom looks and feels old and has more aches and pain. As she constantly is popping pain killers as she has pain. BUT my MIL even taking a aspirin or tylenol is a big no no, will never take any medicine.
(THat is a big clue if they are really hurting:-) next time ask your MIL to take some pain killer and then see her reaction. She will never take it as she is faking
My MIL's drama was such that I could not stop laughing and told my husband that she is nautanki, I mean she says I feel like I have less blood in my body I feel weak, and when you see her eating habits it is much better than mine. Everyday she will drink milk, Juice with Lunch, and on and on...
I think these people are insecure and are only looking for a way to hold on to their sons.
She even made a such a big story about how she had a Paraletic attack when they were alone in India. I don;t believe it as she looks very fine, is very active and takes good care of herself but she wins her sons sympathy and he frankly worries about her at that moment.
I just laugh it off..... and tell my husband that I don't believe her and now my husbad knows that his mom exaggerates things...

reenu replied. Yeah, I've faced this from a lady who is not my mil. We were staying with them as paying guests. She had a daughter who was working. Since we were staying temporary just for a month, I was not working. So this lady would tell all aches and that she had breast cancer and ask me to help her with her chores, while her daughter slept without any worries. Grrr. Beware of such people. padhu replied. Hi,
Me too facing the same problem.when we were in Abroad,and when ever we call them ,my in-laws will lower their tone and speak and when my hubby asks what is the reason they come up with a big list of aches(my FIL is an diabetic and Heart patient) so my hubby used to worry a lot..
When they came to stay with us this was continuing and my FIL is Facinated towards getting Hi-tech medical treatments.sudennly one day he wont get up from the bed and say that his chest is paining a lot and he feels dizzy and all sort of complaints which makes us very tensed cause they had the visitors insurance and if we had to go in Emergency you all know what will be the expense..
This habbit made him feel guilty that he had left his parents alone there(he is the only son)with out taking care of them..to tell you the fact my MIL is more healthier than me..All this made my husband to settle in INDIA and still the problem continues..They do this kind of drama to get his attention and remind him each and everytime not to leave them and go anywhere.
very much frustrated!!!!!!!! Shoba replied. I too had the same problem with inlaws when they came to visit us in US. Day and night my mil kept complaining she had this ache that ache it was so irritating i feel they do it to get their sons attention and to keep him under their control. And worst case what my mil does u know tells my husband my fil couldnt sleep yesterday night he had chest problems this scares my husband and u know what u lost ur husband who forgets u forgets everything and there mi mil wins.I think she doesnt know what a real chest problem is this reminds me about the shepherd and wolf story. I too dont know what to do. Now they are in india and everytime u call them they tell some story or the other about their. But u must see my mil and fil they are so fit i dont know why all this drama. Its me who is loosing peace of mind. Jyoti replied. Hi Pari,

I have a mil and fil that complain about every little sniffle, let alone aches. Most of the time, what i do and what i think you should do is let them complain, let them say whatever they want. every now and then maybe say something like, 'that sounds bad. is there anything i can do? would you like me to give you a massage? would you like to go to the doctor? It sounds bad, let just go see a doctor, before it get worse.' when it will come to showing to doctor, they may stop whinning, because they know the doctor will tell it as is. and even if they go to the doctor, they wouldn't want to be humiliated too many times in front of the doc. the more the docs words gets in on thier aches and pains, two things will happen.

1. they may realize that its humiliating when the doc just says, you are fine, continue to take your med. and if they know, you'll take them to doc each time they complain, they' won't do it as much.

2. your husband will realize how bad their health really is. so next time she is complaining about her ache, he may just tell her, do what the doc said, take your med. more importantly, he won't feel as helpless as he does now, and want to cry.

right now, it is their word agaist no ones. once you have a thrid party involved, you'll husband will start realizing what is true and what is just whinning. also, if their complains are real you won't have ignored them, so they'll have a solution to their problem. from my exprience it is more psychological than anything. just sympathize with them, although it gets on your nerves. the key is more the doc and son says something, they'll stop complaining. you shouldn't say much, because anything you say or do, they will yell at you, because you are hte outsider and you're the only person they they pick on.

good luck,
Jyoti