Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

My inlaws r visiting us in the US- very interfering/confrontational. They always visit in summer and my MIL has started visiting every 6 months since she now has a greencard.
We have been married 2.5 years. No kids yet.
But as usual Mil would ask me abt kids over the phone. So last nite, at the dinner table my Fil asked me directly about family planning. I didn't like it but was calm and told him to ask my husband abt it since we were all the table. He said I want an answer from u to which I responded 'Its too personal and I don't want to discuss it'. Touchwood - my husband didn't say anything.He also offered to pay for a new car once our lease expires early next year. Now, I feel that they r finding ways to control us since they have the money but never like to give it to the son and always compete with what my parents give. I'd like to give some background on how mil is and an incident that ocurred last month. My Mil is typical - makes son spend all the money on her every visit and even buy her a ticket within US to visit my SIL. She does get jewellery for me - jitna lati hai utna nikalwati bhi hai. She even asked me for karvachauth money when my husband wasn't around. Last month, she was here alone (b4 she went to Sil's place)and asked for the money to which I said ok - sure. Then, I brought up the topic of my wedding jewllery she has and I had talked to my husband about it earlier and he said 'if u think it has been hoarded by my mom - then thats wrong'. I didnt talk to MIL abt it b4 she arrived in the US- I just decided to drop the topic. But, I thot I had the right to ask abt my jewelerry(since my husband and I had kind of talked abt it already). So, when I asked she said your mom has it and I got so mad and said to her that people give jewelerry for karvachauth/lohri and diwali(we r punjabis). She said buy i dont wear in the US. And then she brought up the topic abt how my mother gave her saris that were out of fashion at the time of my wedding. I told her that I can ask for stuff if she's not happy and she shut up. This was all when my husband wasn't around. I told my husband abt karvachath gift (it was his fault cos I had mentioned it b4 to him that we need to give mil something for karvachauth) and also abt one jewellery set and the saris MIL didnt like. So I basically forewarned him. Then, MIL just found a topic to fight with me infront of my husband and told me 'i didn't like the way u asked me for the set. I am not going to take it away. I have 3 lockers full of jewellery etc etc. She said something abt my family and I told her not to bring them into this at all.' I was lucky that I had warned my husband earlier so he didn't say anything much to me except for i too need to control myself. He did tell MIL that there is nothing wrong in me asking for the set. So, it was ok. So i am really surpried that Fil is actually helping us with the car payments. WHat do u guys think? I did tell my husband not to take the money cos I said 'I married u cos u r independent and i don't want a dime from my family or yours.' 'We don't have to get a new car once the lease for the current car expires if we cant afford it.' We have 2 cars. My inlaws are well off since they live in the middle east.
They r abnormally close to their son and daughter. They almost stalk us by asking my husband everything that goes on in our house- very controlling.
They are really weird. Please advise if I did the right thing and how to handle such interfering people.
SR replied. Hi

Just ask for your jewellery politely that your friends etc wedding is coming up and you'd like to wear the jewellery...and say you were going to buy a few sets but then remembered that you already had some so there was no need to waste money unnecessarily.

You're saying your inlaws are rich???? But look at them.. they are soooo greedy and hungry...
I must admit my MIL can be horrible but not when it comes to jewellery .. she is looking after my jewellery and has asked me several times to separate it but I trust her in that aspect.. she is very content and has not shown greediness. We share our jewellery.. she borrows mine sometimes and I wear hers. She likes trendy stuff in jewellery.

Just say you want to wear your stuff..as thats why your mum gave it to you. Not to keep in locker. jyoti replied. don't take anything from the, since money/propery is something they like and keep track of. just have what you can afford. give what you can, but don't take anything from anyone. good thing your husband is not against you.