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Role of in-laws:Sad and Lonely

2006-08-23

Name: teenabluebell Hi all,

Just like everyone i have mil and husband problem. We were married 2 years back(totally arranged marriage). Everything was fine in the begining. Mil always had problem about our marriage and dowry and everything and my parents did the best. Even then only complaints. Had a husband who never back answered his parents(no complaints i understand he loves them and doesnt want to hurt them) so had to deal with everything all by myself but thought one thing my husband loved me and will always be there for me. One year back we bought a house(just wish we hadnt done this) and mil and fil came to US to stay with us. Everything started then. Fil never liked me. Keeps scolding me for something or the other and unnecessarily kept talking something about my parents(I was sacred to back answer why the hell am i so scared). God i tired so hard to please him(so many sacrifices to make him happy but all in vain).Mil was so possessive about my husband. Cant see him talking happily to me. Slowly my husband stopped talking to me infront of them to make them happy and started getting angry at me infront of them. Mil and fil were very happy.They never wanted me to be a part of their family. We bought so many gifts for them i wanted them to be happy.My mil always used to talk to my husband something very secret i too did not know so i thought she was telling him something about their family and friends and i dont know anyone but the moment i go in she used to stop it silence. Now my inlaws have gone back to india (a month back) now the problem is my husband doesnt allow me to talk to my parents. He is just angry with them why is he angry they havent done anything. Even during our marriage he just spent one or 2 days with them thats it.
So whats wrong. We are planning to go back to India this december. I want to buy gifts for my parents and his family. I am going back for the first time after coming to US but my husband said he wont get me anything for my family why is he doing this. I am feeling really bad. I tried to talk to him he raises his hand on me. Have already been slapped and beaten by chappal by my husband when we had an argument about my inlaws. I am scared to talk to him.What should i do? I dont think he loves me he is his mama's boy. He has been totally brainwashed. What was i doing when all this happened i trusted my husband. Slowly i have stared loosing my trust in him.What should i do.At times i think i dont love him at all.I am a working woman. I give him all the money. I dont know what he does with it. if i try to ask him he gets angry thinks i dont trust him. What am i suppsoed to do. I am really worried and depressed. I dont have anyone to talk to. I dont want to discuss family problems with friends. Advice please.

Note: I have a sil just near me. So that even worsens the problems. Like it or not I have to call her and keep her updated of all our activities else my husband gets a picture i am bad. He thinks his sister only calls me i dont call her.I work. I come back at 6.45 in the evening. I have to cook and clean my dishes.my sil is a stay home mom.He keeps telling me his mother, father and sister are more important than me. What should i do.

Thanks,

Teena

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Hi all,

Just like everyone i have mil and husband problem. We were married 2 years back(totally arranged marriage). Everything was fine in the begining. Mil always had problem about our marriage and dowry and everything and my parents did the best. Even then only complaints. Had a husband who never back answered his parents(no complaints i understand he loves them and doesnt want to hurt them) so had to deal with everything all by myself but thought one thing my husband loved me and will always be there for me. One year back we bought a house(just wish we hadnt done this) and mil and fil came to US to stay with us. Everything started then. Fil never liked me. Keeps scolding me for something or the other and unnecessarily kept talking something about my parents(I was sacred to back answer why the hell am i so scared). God i tired so hard to please him(so many sacrifices to make him happy but all in vain).Mil was so possessive about my husband. Cant see him talking happily to me. Slowly my husband stopped talking to me infront of them to make them happy and started getting angry at me infront of them. Mil and fil were very happy.They never wanted me to be a part of their family. We bought so many gifts for them i wanted them to be happy.My mil always used to talk to my husband something very secret i too did not know so i thought she was telling him something about their family and friends and i dont know anyone but the moment i go in she used to stop it silence. Now my inlaws have gone back to india (a month back) now the problem is my husband doesnt allow me to talk to my parents. He is just angry with them why is he angry they havent done anything. Even during our marriage he just spent one or 2 days with them thats it.
So whats wrong. We are planning to go back to India this december. I want to buy gifts for my parents and his family. I am going back for the first time after coming to US but my husband said he wont get me anything for my family why is he doing this. I am feeling really bad. I tried to talk to him he raises his hand on me. Have already been slapped and beaten by chappal by my husband when we had an argument about my inlaws. I am scared to talk to him.What should i do? I dont think he loves me he is his mama's boy. He has been totally brainwashed. What was i doing when all this happened i trusted my husband. Slowly i have stared loosing my trust in him.What should i do.At times i think i dont love him at all.I am a working woman. I give him all the money. I dont know what he does with it. if i try to ask him he gets angry thinks i dont trust him. What am i suppsoed to do. I am really worried and depressed. I dont have anyone to talk to. I dont want to discuss family problems with friends. Advice please.

Note: I have a sil just near me. So that even worsens the problems. Like it or not I have to call her and keep her updated of all our activities else my husband gets a picture i am bad. He thinks his sister only calls me i dont call her.I work. I come back at 6.45 in the evening. I have to cook and clean my dishes.my sil is a stay home mom.He keeps telling me his mother, father and sister are more important than me. What should i do.

Thanks,

Teena

2006-08-24

#21

Name: teenabluebell
Subject:

Reply to :a

Hi A thanks for the reply. I like ur advice. Till this day i always gave him first priority.All my work and thoughts were thrown in the garbage.But i think i am not going to do that hereafter "a"(can u give me a name sorry about that so i can call u by some name not ur real name any fake name is fine).I am always around him. I like hanging around him because from morning we are at work and evening is the only time with him but i wont do that here after. What do u expect me to do.I love him so much and i love being around him but i dont want to do that if he is taking me for granted.I will do anything A tell me a way to get into his heart.I dont have the least idea where to start.I want to develop a relationship that no matter what ever comes(his mom or father or sister) he doesnt change.Where ever i go i like to take him if he doesnt come i feel bad A i think this is also bad.I go to any place without him i cant concentrate or enjoy i keep thinking about him.If i go shopping i cant buy anything cause i think he must like it too.Are all this stupid things A.Is this why he is taking me for granted.I have totally lost my individuality i think not anymore.Help me work on this relationship.I want to slowly start taking care of everything in my house.I want to make him depend on me.From bill to everything he only takes care.How do i start? These 2 years of marriage i have been a total dumbo A. Just fit for nothing i think.I am really angry on myself.I gave him way he took advantage of me.Fine can you tell me where to start.

I have another small problem.What ever i do at home i have to tell it to my sil.She stays in another state in US.At times certain things i dont feel like saying like yesterday we locked ourself out. We actually rented a car and our house keys were with the rental car keys when we returned the rental company was in such a hurry that we forgot to take our house keys(its our fault we went to the company at the time of closing). We went home and then we realised the house keys are witht the car keys.Called the rental company they were closed for the day. So our next door neighbour came to our resuce he called a lock smith and by the time he came and opened the door it was 9.00pm yesterday night. This is what happened.I did not want to share this with my sil felt kind of delicate I know many people do this but when i told her what happened she started telling me how carefull her husband and she used to be i was not in a mood for all that lecture.I did not want to tell her but i had to else my husband will get angry how do i get around this problem i want to make him realise that it is not necessary to tell everyone what is happening in our home.I want to have some privacy in my life.My sil is so nosy i hate it at times.I talk to her half the time to make my husband happy and now just like u adviced me i used to call her when my husband is around.Hope so that works.

Help me A so i can make my husband love me thats it nothing else

2006-08-23

#22

Name: a
Subject:

good luck

let me know how things turn out. have faith, be polite yet strong in what you say. god is watching what everyone is doing...best wishes.

2006-08-23

#23

Name: teenabluebell
Subject:

Reply to :a

Thanks for replying. I feel so relieved after posting here. I will surely do like you adviced.

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