Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hello,

I wanted to ask for opinions on my situation. My in-laws (mother and father) are visiting from india for 6 months. They've been with us for the last few months. they have come before, but this time it just seems like they are too possesive of their son. I am fine, I just want everyone to be happy and if they are unstable at the time, they get angry and pick on the way i do things. My problem is I try to not let it hurt me but it does. My husband is a very kind person and is going through a lot of stress himself -- he has to be with the parents every awake minute he has, and is always being told to do things. So I don't want to add to the stress and tell him, on little events that i have with them. So how can I help myself and the family, by not saying anything confrontation to them -- because they'll consider that disrespectful -- but keep them from picking on small issues. guest replied. Thanks, Preeti. I agree 100%. I guess I am just going through the tiring phase -- when i get the disappointed look from the in-laws for having stood up for what i believe in. Also, one of my drawbacks is that I am not very good at sugar-coating words. I say it like it is. So at times i just seems like it is best for me to shut up. Like the sabji example that you had -- I would have just said, \";nahi, mujeh joh khana hai wohi mai khaugi\";. You said it a lot better than that. it's an art...you are luck. Preeti replied. I think both you and your husband need to stand up for yourselves. I mean if you want your in-laws to stop picking on you, you need to let them know now and then - maybe with a smile - that \";mummy, this is the way I like to do it\"; and simply keep doing it. If you obey them on each and every small thing (specially when you don't want to) - it is just going to wear you out and its really not worth it.

You don't have to be rude - but you can be firm about what you are doing. Example when I stayed with my in-laws they would not allow me to eat what I wanted - even if the sabzi had been made. It was just a control issue with them...in the beginning I went along with it..but after 2 yrs of marriage - I started saying - \";sorry mummy, but I'm going to eat that veg only. Aap log apne mann ka khao...mujhe to wahi khane ka bahut mann kar raha hai\";...you wont believe it, but for such a non issue they went at me for about half an hour (to force me not to eat what I wanted)..but I just kept smiling and saying no....

It can be a lil tiring in the beginning but believe me its worth it to let your in-laws know that you are not a push over...

Best of luck!

salma shereen replied. just talk to them straight on their face politely.