Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi All,

I have a very peculiar issue and would like you guys to give me ideas and your views.
I live in US with my hubby and a baby. My MIL had come to vist us when my baby was born (after few months of baby's birth) was here till begining of this year. She stayed here for 6 months. Wanted to stay for another six months but we did not want to. And now she wants to come back in next month or so and the reason is baby that she misses her a lot.
She keeps insisiting me when ever I am on phone with her and tells me how much she wants to be with grandchild. She wants me to talk to her everytime my husnabd calls and then starts telling me hou much she wants to come again.
My MIL is ok. She is not a typical MIL. I really don't have anything against her, but when my Il visit I really think I loose my privacy as she is on the phone with her daughter and sister every day and tell them every detail of my house hold. About my baby and all. And when my IL's are not here we dont; have no realtion with my sil or her sister. My work load gets more with cooking, cleaning and laundry. I have never lived with them in India and I do feel like my live is not the same when they are here.
I feel bad and don;t know how to handle the situation.
Being that my husband is a introvert and she knows that he does not agree with her on this idea, she keeps telling me as soon as I am on the phone.

Pl suggest


Preeti replied. Hi Vandana,

The best way is to avoid talking to her on the phone so much...so when she asks for you - tell your husband before hand to say that you are in the shower/sleeping etc...

The other way is to go ho hum when she talks about how much she is missing her grand child...tell her that you will send her pictures etc...and then cut the phone conversation short by saying that you have to go somewhere or do something...

Since your work load gets increased so much and your privacy gets lost, I would'nt invite her again so soon when she has been here so recently. She might want to come again soon, but then people don't get everything they want in life...if she really insists and doesnt let go of the idea then just say that its not a good time for you...and that is that...

The thing to remember is that - its your house and nobody can invite themselves in without your permission - however close they are...if you don't give in - then there is not much they can do..be firm but polite..the great thing is that your husband is supporting you and you dont have to fight with him on this issue...so that's good..:)

All the best,
Preeti guest replied. hi vandana,

I too live in us and my in-laws come visit us for 6 months. When the details of my household were being shared with others by my iL, 1. we (my husband and I) decided that we wouldn't share things with parents that we wouldn't want others to know about. So keep your distance, other things like what we have to eat and our routines, i stopped caring who finds out about it and what they think. After all, it's your life, your family, so you'll do it the way you think is right. If you can create that separation that would help, I think. It helped me.
2. if you work increases -- maybe you can talk to your husband on ways to divide up the work so that it doesn't take a toll on you.
3. I'd come up with a strategy & a plan with the husband on how to handle the situations that you know with come as a result of your mil visiting and have a plan and how to work aroud it.

good luck.... SR replied. Hi Vandana

This is a difficult one.
I can very much inderstand where you're coming from. I live with my in-laws too.... there is absolutely no privacy.. my MIL even goes to my bedroom and snoops through my things. I love it when they go on a holiday. There is alot of nagging too from her wanting things done in her way.
I did not like this so I had to be straight with her.. well I did not tell her directly but asked my husband to tell her to stop as I did not like all this and he did... he had to say it 2-3 times though for the message to get through.. so why don't you ask your husband to talk to her.. when MIL comes and asks you, say talk to my husband...its up to him etc.
All the best.