Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Saheli,

I am a regular member to this site but this is the 1st time so impressed with someone' s feedback and help to others, 1st of all let me congratulate you 4 this.
Saheli my problem is a very peculiar one.
I am 24yrs of age now 34 weeks pregnant working as a Operations Manager, till now i was able to manage my work and my pregnancy very properly but ow past 2-3 days i just want to avoid going to work, i have already put across a word to my boss that i will quit on the 5th Nov, which is just a few days, but still i want to quit now because throughout my pregnancy i have been not giving more attention to my pregnancy i between i had my fathers death and so many tensions.

Now let me tell u abt my family, me and my husband is our family at present, my inlaws stay 30 hrs far from us, and they are really good and co-operative, becoz they understand that i am working.

Now my prob is am i fool to quit just say 8 days before or should i force my self to continue?

Secondly Saheli, i am very new to this pregnancy kind of period , all that i have done till date is to be physically perfect and work for my family and enoy my life, i have no one here to support me and tell me whats next say breast feeding,nursing baby, quit work 4 afew months etc i am very shy to express my feeling with anyone.

Althrough my journey, i want u 2 advice me how do i digest this truth that i am responsible for my baby and my very very loving husband, also give the best shot at work and family.

I want to enjoy my life with my kid and my family and at the same time work and support my family.

I tried talking to copule of friends the moment i share my prob with thm they say that u would have taken a few more yrs to start a family and enjoy ur life, but truly Saheli, i never wanted to abort or kill my child at the initial stages.

Pls Pls advice.

Judi

Saheli replied. Thanks Judi. And congratulations!

Here are my thoughts ..

About pregnancy and your health from a medical point of view : Your gynae is the right person to guide about this. She knows your current health condition and she can suggest you better if you need rest or can go aheda with work.

I can only suggest on aspects related to life in general. I wish and assume you a normal and healthy pregnancy and motherhood and post my suggestions with this assumption. I have the little view of the situation as you have posted thru this post so I presume you would consider my sugggestions and take your own decisions carefully.

About Job, going on leave and health -
If you are not feeling comfortable to work, please dont! At this point, health is priority. I hv some suggestions how you can get this done:
See if you can try by reducing work hours or limiting your movement. As an Ops manager .... I assume yours is not a stationary job. So take your call. See if reducing work hours can help, or letting boss know and limiting your movement can help ... and of nothing helps then simply take leave and stay home.

So it all depends on what you are comfortable with. Many women work till the last day/EDD. I have worked almost till my EDD for both my kids - the first kid was born 5 days late and I was working on my EDD ... and the second kid arrived 2 weeks early! But my job profile was stationary - on the comp - and people were considerate. I used to literally take a quick nap in a lonely meeting room after lunch.
My reason for working till EDD was different. I was really uncomfortable, was suffering from aicidity .. and by being in office I cd keep my mind busy and away from health issues.

Secondly, as I cd work, I availed all my 12 weeks leaves for the baby.

Dont stress out, health is priority. Take your call.

Dont worry about office-leaves and all. I assume they will understand and let u go if u want to.

I felt really sorry to read about what you have ben through .. but dear .. at this point all you should think of is wout and baby' s health and nothing else. Just forget all other worries. If you worry, remember it is passed on to the baby. So stay happy, rest, enjoy ur pregnancy.

Do what you feel is right. Listen to ebverybody' s suggestions but do what u feel finally is right .. because tou know best.

Now about the second part of your question.

Considering this is your first preg, what you have done is commendable. Taking care of youself, your office and home - is a great job! dont you feel really confident to have done all the things so well? I feel so for u!
Great job!

Dont worry that you dont have anybody to express. We are here!! Tell it to us.

Tell your hubby that you just want to express your feelings, so please hear me out neutrally - and tell evrything to him.

The new role of a mom is definitely a responsible role. As you grow up your baby, just remember what type of a person you want him/her to be when he grows up, and you will find your answers about how to grow up a baby.

It is really important to gain knowledge about the forthcoming role - you need to know about breastfeeding, what you would go thru when the baby arrives, and everything related.

I wd suggest, read about it as much as possible. Read this site, read internet, buy pregnancy and baby-care book and read it out.
Secondly - discuss and gather experience. Discuss with women on these boards - pregnant and new born. Visit baby board and read.
If you have any friends talk to them - personally or phone -whatever. If they are in diff city call up and talk.
Talk to ur mom - tell her you are feeling like this and you want to know about things.

I wd hv loved to share my thoughts about all this - but it will just increase length of post. If you want to know my thoughts, let me know.

so thats that.
About feeling resp as a mother, balancing betn home and work, and what your friends are saying .. I have just one thing to say.

Dear .. people will keep saying things always. And at many times in life, you would feel you need someone to support and assure you so that you get your confidence back, and you know what you are doing is right.

Take a step back and look at life as a big picture.
What has gone wrong in life that you conceived early? Think a about it. The answer is - nothing.
Have you lost anything? - people say you did. May be you didnt. May be God wants that you have a baby early,and by the time he is 3-4 yrs old - you wd still be young and enjoying life ... and free from managing a baby!! Right?
I am jsut givign an example - what I mean to say is - think positive. Be positive.
Not just now - but always.

Be positive - not just for pregnancy but because you will need this attitude now forever. you will need this to be happy as a person, and also to be a good mother.

So dont worry about people.

About being a resp mother - I think you already are on the way!
Its good that you are thinking about it .. you are taking steps to make sure you do your duty! thats wonderful.
And this is your first time, you are feelig insecure bec u dont hv the experience. Trust me, most of us feel the same. But as you be a mom, you start getting into the role and things come to you automatically!
dont worry - you will be a good resp mother.

You hv mentioned you and hubby live away from family. I assume your mom/mil would be coming over to help in delivery. It will help if an experienced family member (a helping person - not a burdern!) is around.
Also .. if possible hire a maid .. either full time or part time .. for your help - not house chores. Get a separate one for housechores.

You will be able to manage job, home, baby, hubby - everything.
All you will need is time. Be patient.
Be very patient!

Be prepared to give next 2-3 years to a little hotch-potch life.
At times you may lose track of whats happening in the house, at times you will feel you dont get enough time for hubby ...
dont worry.

When the baby arrives ... for first three months you may find things strange. But as the baby starts responding .. 3m and onwards .... take my word .. you will feel you were missing one of the best things in life -- the baby! Once the baby starts responding, you and your hubby will enjoy the time like anything and you guys will go crazy for the baby!!

After these years, life will gradually settle down ... and get back to a track. In these years you might feel at times that you are not able to manage - but its not like that. Just be patient, do your bit and let the time pass till baby grows up to be little independent.

Lastly. Your worries are valid at this point, because you are standing on the other side. I am on this side of family life and I can say - you are doing just fine sweetheart. Its good u got your Qs clarified .. now get prepared ... and ebverything is going to be fine.

Post a message here when your baby arrives, whenever u get time. (cuz I dont visit baby boards)

Enjoy pregnancy now. Enjoy the baby. Good luck and keep us posted.