Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi Friends,
Please help me with this situation.
My MIL really hurt me a lot with her words during my recent India trip.Infact my MIL's sister and other relatives said some very mean things about me and my son(one of them is:-She and her realtives asked me , Why is my son not as \";FAIR\"; as my hubby?,indirectly suggesting that I am dark).So I was very disturbed emotionally and found it very dfficult to interact with MIL normally.Now, My MIL is a very good artist.She had a small exhibition of her paintings during my trip.But I neither checked out the exhibition and nor did I even bother to say anything good about her work as I was totally shattered with her and her family's horrible comments regd. me and my son.Looking back now, I feel that I should not have acted so meanly and that saying a few good things about her talent would not have hurt my ego.That said and done,now my MIL resorts to a very Mean tactic to take her revenge regarding this matter....She in almost every alternate phone calls keeps on asking me about my singing ,wheather I am still doing riyaz or not etc;(I had taken professional training when I was in school but have not pursued singing since last 20yrs!!!). Earlier I did not feel offended whenever she asked about it but now she makes it a point to praise my singing in front of my hubby just to convey that \";Look I am so thoughtful and appreciate your talent where as you have no concern about mine\";.And my hubby is full of praises for his mother and tells me \";see how my mother appreciates her DIL's talent\"; and actually fails to see that this is nothing but her \";chaal\"; to get even with me.
I am amazed that after three years of my marriage SUDDENLY my MIl has a lot of interest in my talent and has started showing concern in our weekly phone calls.I am totally confused now and don't really understand how to react to her drama and put an end to it once and for all.Please let me know your views. mnm replied. blast your mil's ears next time she enquires about your music& threaten your hubby the you will cut off your tounge if his mother calls again!!!! SR replied. Hi Ragini

If you feel she is trying to get even.. do the same.. when your hubby is around..praise her work lots and lots (make sure MIL is listening)... otherwise ignore her..
She will get the message and will stop.
Hema replied. I so agree, Virgo. Intent is key. What is your intent? Is it to somehow prove yourself superior to your MIL, or is it to somehow get her to love you? Or is it peace, serenity and a great family life? If we figure that the last is the most imp and somehow agree to disagree in prickly relationships ( MIL/ SIL and other assorted ILs), then we could all be happy...sainted and haloed Hema virgo replied. Hey, I agree with hema. why do you hv to see things in a teda manner. if ur mom had suddenly taken interest in ur hobby, wld hv behaved in such a manner. some mils are bad, i agree, but most of them may hv some irritating habits which we dils cannot digest. compromise is the key word to peaceful living. if u want to mess up ur life by giving importance to such trivial matters, its up to you. anyway u see ur mil's relatives only when u visit india. so don't give importance to such issues. focus on your intent. be happy, enjoy life. Hema replied. Why not take her at face value? Maybe her advancing years and the distance is giving her new wisdom. C'mon give her a chance...take the high road. When it coes to your husbands mother, you have no choice really. You have to force yourself to get along.
Good luck,
Hema