Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I had been a silent reader of this site and have read how inlaws misbehave with dils. Mine is a unique problem. Its my mil's awkward behavior. Normally when we visit india and when we are about to leave after our vacation (5-6 days before the departure). My mil starts behaving weird. She stops talking to me and is overly affectionate to her son (i.e. my hubby). Telling him how she raised him and now he is leaving her blah blah. If she has to talk to me she will give sarcastic remarks which make my blood boil. I want to give a piece of my mind to her but I just keep quite (don't want to argue with her without reasons). At the airport also she behaves funny. She generally creates a scene by crying loudly and clinging hard to her son. And she wants to show to the public standing there that how her dil is taking her son away. And hubby being mumma's boy just can't overcome it. Even after reaching here he keeps remembering that and cries when no ones' around. I have tried confronting it with him and stating even I leave my parents behind but neither do my parents create a scene nor do they behave like his mom. but he simply doesn't get it. Now that my inlaws are with us from past 4 months and its time for them to leave in couple of weeks she has started showing such signs of her erratic behavior. I am just worried about how she is going to react at the airport. I haven't seen someone behaving this way. Please suggest how to handle this.thanks. yyy replied. just carry an empty bucket and sponge. This is to make sure airport authorities will not fine your hubby. yyy replied. Just carry an empty bucket and a sponge so airport authorities will not fine your hubby. Tony S replied. Dear Uma,
DOnt worry, as everyone else here has said your mil is insecure. She is insecure that her only love of her life - her son is snatched by another woman :) !!!!! Just learn to ignore her. That is the best way and also when your hubby gets emotional also, please tell him u understand how he feels. u r right in giving your own example but a woman and her parents are always strong mentally. Tell him that tomorrow when u guys start a family even u will miss your kids when they grow up and are on their own. But we should all accept this as part of life. Also your mil's wierd behaviour will cease once u start ignoring her. Also take care, do not make faces no matter how much your blood boils. It is just a way of seeking attention like a child does. JUST IGNORE HER AND YOUR HUSBAND AT THE AIRPORT. They will be ok. What about your fil ? What does he do all the time when she keeps creating the scene at the airport ? Is he an onlooker or does he just join her in the drama ? Do write more details. If possible I can advise u. Thanks for reading. Bye. oh replied. it just shows her posessiveness.

but I know dear, more thanher behaviour ,ur hubby getting cried for her makes u mad. I know it practically.

I too similarly experienced with this kinda thig..my mil becomes emotional and every mother feel so Iagree. And the main cause of her cry is her son might change and not love this much in next visit because he is becoming close to DIL.it makes them too crazy.
thasy they cry more than our moms.

But seeing hubby too like a kid makes me mad.
last time, when my hubby supposed to come alone while I'm spenidng one more month.He reached airport ,but still my sixthsence was not accepting he is leaving that day.even i told him same.After we reached homw, my inlaws started back to home and later, my hubby called us(my parents stay in same city where his flight departs) and told that flight has cancelled. so ,my dad went and picked him and afetr reaching home ,I was going to say how come my sixth sence came true...but know what he started saying\"; His mom's tears dragged him back,thatsy flight got repair\";...so and so..dramatic,sentimental dialogues.
I wouldn't have minded him saying so...but he didnt even state that I said before he is starting ,I'm not feeling like he is leaving to USA \"; ...
God, I really felt how come he forget my words but can say dramatic dialogues...and immediately started to reach her while leaving me at my parents home.

Its very common for me and I decided not to expect priority over them.
what do u have for me??? Smitha replied. Hi Uma,

I can understand how you must be feeling. Either you can explain your hubby about her behaviour. If he understands , well and good. If not try to come with an excuse and just don't go to the airport.
But till her stay with you, just pretend that she is not in anyway getting on your nerves becoz I guess that is whats she wants to do. She wants you to explode so that she can appear to be very good in front of your hubby.
Or you can give back to her in the same coin. Smile sweetly and talk sarcastically. Thats what I do. It make all the difference.
And think how you will be after 2 weeks to cheer you up.
Smitha Ritu replied. Hi Uma,

What your MIL is doing is called insecurity and it is a classic case with possessive mothers. My MIL does the same thing,her son (ie my husband) is her life and if allowed would love to spend rest of her life with him. But the good part is my husband is not a mamma's boy and that saves me whole lot of trouble.
While visiting us couple of months ago, she did as your MIL. WHen It was time for her to leave, she would cry and tell me that she will be away from her kids ...blah blah blah, but would not cry in front of my husband as my husband would yell at her..so much so that couple of nights before they were leaving my husband had stomach ache and was quite, she comes to me and tells me (crying) he is not showing, but deep dowm he is hurting coz I am leaving that is why he is quite. It was to make herself feel good.
I got mad at my husband stating she gets to spend 6 months with her kids and she still complains..are'nt my parents away..
Bottomline, she will act that weird way to make sure she can have that power over her son..you will not be able to do much just ignore and keep away from her.
Once you have a SON (not daughter) MIL's possesiveness will also be towards her grandson. MY MIL has now started with that.It has been only three months that they went back and now in every phone call she mentions how desperately she wants to spend time with her grandson and wants to comeback.
Only thing u can do is try to explain to u'r husband her behavior vs your mom's and show him the difference.
Be glad she will be going soon
Ritu