Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi All,

After reading all i wd like to share my views/ experience in similar situations...

First of all there is no doubt that if your man is sensible enough and knows where to draw a line for his mom to not to interfere in husband -wife relationship... than there is nothing like that in this world....

All these tips told by Aqua doesn't work all the time as these MIL neither wants to do any work nor like there DIL do take control of the things.... They want there DIL to be a puppet of her hands so that DIL do the work as per there instruction and they take all the credit.....

My suggestion is don't do any chumcha-giri.... this don't help AT ALL.... All MIL can't see us(DIL) happy with our husband...they feel jealous and insecure
In my case my MIL even has a objection as why I m sitting on a front site with my husband in a car.....

I got married only 2 years back but i have seen a hell at my inlaws place... whole day my MIL shouts like a literate woman and if i complain it to my husband he says its her nature and it will not change.... you have to change yourself....
YOU HAVE TO ADJUST!!
But i ask why... why we hv to change our self... when she cannt change her one habit of nagging or shouting why these husbands wants us to change our nature to adjust in their house...

I decided to stand up and fight against my MIL and yes sometms i fought with my husband also....

Now the situation at home is that my kitchen is separate (living on 1st and grd floor)

here in my situation i was luck that I got a separate unit (bedroom, drawing romm & kitchen) on first floor...

when sometimes things goes really worse than don't hesitate taking these steps:-

1) if require stand against your husband also.. if he is unnecessary favoring his mom.... later at night you can patchup with him!! (dont drag ur fight with ur husband for a longer period of tm as you need her support at in laws place)Moral is that ur husband doesn't take u for granted ..
2. If your MIL can shout and make issues of small -2 things than can't you do the same ... Make issue of small -2 things... if she can shout than can't we shout...
moral is she shd know that if she make issue of anything than she to has to bear the heat from your side.... show her you too are short tempered and during fight... agay pichay ka sab bol daloo... BUT WANT TO TAKE FIGHT WITH UR MIL.... GO AHEAD >>>> BECAREFUL DO IT WHEN UR HUSBAND IS NOT AT HOME...... and than don't hesitate in saying any words to her. TEACH HER A LEASON
3. Always and always fight with ur MIL when ur husband is not there best is if nobody is there and later if she complains to ur husband than you clearly say... IDIDN'T said that...... BE CLEAR.... U NEED TO CONTROL UR MIL IF UR HUSBAND IS NOT DOING IT... BE CLEVER
4. MOST imp..... after fight with ur MIL never manoo her instead of that dont talk to her for 15-20 days simply avoid her.... as she doesn't exists....
if your husband is there than infront of her thoda baat karo but if you both are there than show her that u doesnt need her at all...

My suggestion for all those women asking for help is that stand up and fight NOBODY WILL FIGHT FOR U U HAVE TO FIGHT FOR UR RIGHT
And during all those fights if you think that u will have a bad impression on others forget it. Only remember you have to make a position in your in laws place you have to take charge and control ur husband and all MIL wants to control there sons.

If any body wants to know how to sidha karo these SIL than reply back.

Bye for now
Jhansi ki rani (that's what my parents and now my husband calls me)
Take care

Ps. :- don't be a bechare kind of ab kaya karoo??? Nahi fight back..
SR replied. Hi Jhansi Ki Rani

Good one
I totally agree with you........ FIGHT BACK!!!! And this is tried and tested and definitely works for me.

I too try and avoid my one for as long as I can....I go to the gym after work so that I do not have to spend much time with her in the evenings...
Being in the UK, household chores have to be shared and since she is at home all day, evening dinner is her responsibility. She tried to put this on me to do everyday but I was very firm about it and said I'd only do it once a week as I work and have other commitments in the evenings.. she had a fight with me about it.. luckily my husband took my side.

Another tip - Infront of your MIL, do not fight with your hubby.... this will make MIL happy... be as lovey dovey as you can with your husband.. even hold his hand and hug him when MIL is there.. this will show her that your love is strong and nothing will come in the way... if you want to fight with husband.. do it privately. MILs get a kick out of seeing husbands fighting with DILs. No matter how angry you are with husband, do it privately. He can be taught a lesson during sex ;o) (abit cheeky).
Do some nattak and rona dhona that I like your mum so much ... have so much respect for her and why is she being like this to me... etc etc.. get all sympathy you can from your husband... BUT ALL IN PRIVATE!!
To do more nataak infront of hubby, buy some cheap presents for MIL ad give them infront of husband and stress how much you care for her etc.. when he is not around, ignore her...u need to prove to him that she is the bad one...

So all the best girls.....
Keep writing.. :o)
tanisha replied. I totally agree with you ......I fought for my rights too,i fought both my fil and mil and also with my hubby.Initially 1 yr tried to do everything they asked me to,when inspite of doing everything at home she went around telling people and me that I don't work at all and am very lazy,the funny part she used to cry in front of people ,I seriously don't know how anybody can cry just like that ,i used to see these things in movies but never thought it would happen to me.First year I was in shock and I used to cry in the night about the next day,when i told my hubby he too was shocked initially and didn't know how to react,then I gave them back properly,even my husband helped me.
He also fought with them.Now they talk to me nicely.You won't believe one more thing she used to do,when we used to sit to eat she would do the serving part(khana parosna),she would put food for everybody and only forget my plate, though i used to sit in the center.Strange na.
I don't understand one thing why they spoil relations like this.With their son,their dil and act like innocent people.
now they don't act smart with me ever.
I don't know if they changed or if they don't have any choice,or if its because they finally accepted their mistakes.But for now everything is fine.Touch wood.I can never know when they will suddenly change their colour again. Madhu replied. Hi Jhansi Ki rani,
I was really impressed by your answer regarding nagging MIL.I have a SIL who stays at my FIL's place with her 2 children. I do not have MIL.She poses as my MIL. She has no intention of going back to her husband's place. Husband visits her fortnightly. My FIL is taking care of her expenses although she is a gynaecologist earning a lot.My FIL has lots of properties about which we ( I and my husband) are not even aware of. She does not like us to interact with my FIL and he also listens to her, else she will start crying and make his life a hell.She will not allow me to stay at my FIL's place for long and will say that all the household articles like mixie, coolers etc are her husband's. She wants to control me and the household. I visit my FIL in 4-5 months once, but seeing her behaviour I have stopped going there. But my FIL wants me to come over permanently. What shoul I do?

Pls do reply.