Relationships  Discussion Forum

Friends,

I have a unique problem. I work and my hubby is at home looking after my baby. She is 2.5 years,from past few months she doesnt come to me and she says she wants papa for everything. I dont have anyone in this world,my baby is my world but whenever she says she wants papa i really feel vvvvv bad..my hubby is also not a good man he hurts me lots,if i am alive its only for my baby..i know 24 hrs she is with her papa and she will be more attached to him rather then me..of course sometimes due to office tension or bad relation with my baby or due to her thumb sucking or due to her fussy eating i may scold or hit her..i am not sure what should i do to get my baby back to me..the thought that she doesnt come to me is killing..

pls help me

thanks in advance
Saheli replied. You have not mentioned why your hubby is at home, or if he is working from home or some business, or part time, anything like that. Might have helped. Anyways.

Use this simple rule. To make a line shorter without touching it, you need to draw a second line that is longer than the first line.

Your kid obviously will love dad more as she stays with him all the time. Its just like when the kid stays with mom and dad works and kid is more attached to mom. First of all, stop feeling guilty about anything. See long term and be practical. You are doing the right thing by doing a job and it will benefot your child and you in the long term.
Dont be sad when kid insists on being with dad. Slowly and grtadually, do things that will make the kid attached to you to. Do things that a kid likes. Love, affection, play, fun, gifts. No pampering. Be friendly. Spend more time with her, tell her stories, play hide and seek, bring her toys occassionally, whatever. Spend more time with her when you are around and let that be a quality as well as qualtity time. Take her out to nearby park or shopping center. Whatever suits you. Remember that initially she will simply refuse to be with you and you will need loads of patience to get her love you.
This way, start getting the child attracted towards you.

Now, also eliminate factors that make make her away from you.
Check if your hubby is speaking to child against you. I dont know how you can do this, but u need to do it cleverly without your hubby knowing it. May be ask the child as a part of a warm talk or when u take her out, once she is accepts you.

Secondly, stop hitting the child. Totally. No hitting at all.
And this is not related to your problem. In general, parents should never hit the child. It only shows how much patience you have. It teaches child violence, teaches child to achieve things by force if not otherwise, and depresses the child.
also, no yelling at the child. Stop scolding her. Check yourself how often you scold her, how often you nag her and how often you instruct her (dont do this, do that). Check how much space and freedom you are giving her. Stop restricting her from doing things that a child does, is not harmful, but we still refuse because we dont do it as elders (eg playing in mud or mixing roti+salt+ talcum powder in a glass of water ... or drawing on the one dedicated wall in her room).

When she needs to be disciplined, explain her at her level and be firm. Use the rule : explain - be hard - bribe - punish. (Punishing does not mean hitting or yelling at child).

Thumb sucking doesnt go by nagging or restricting. Talk to her ped about it. And STOP nagging your child for that, please!
Most children are fussy eaters. Dont lose your patience. Losing your temper for that will only drive the child away from food. Dont let poor child suffer due to your tensions.
I know its tough to maintain that balance for a mom, but we gotta do it baby.

When I lose temper on my child, i count 10 in my mind and put myself in child' s shoes. Poor little one is in this world .... totally dependant on parents. So little and innocent. Whatever parents say, child accepts. When parents love child, child loves. When they say \" stand up\" , child stands. When they say \" eat\" , child eats. When child doesnt listen, he gets spanking. Is he a child or ..?
Make yourself senti like that and it will help you control your anger! (But dont do it when you really need to discipline her!!)

I wonder how well your hubby is taking care of her. I hope he takes good care of her in your absence, doesnt spank or scold or pressurize her mentally like he does with you. Because if so, it might be affecting the child' s psychology and there may be some other reason why she is staying away from you. When you are home and go to her or call her, does she run to dad fearfully (as if she is afraid to come to you in the fear that dad will beat her up in mom' s absence?), or she prefers papa just out of love and affection? You can make that out by the way child reacts.

Try out these things. Hope they help. Let us know!