Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi all,

I am having a real tough time with my inlaws. They stay in india and i am in usa. They have come here to stay with us for 6 months. I am fine with that but the problem is they keep on critising me i feel very hurt but i dont try to show it too them its turns out on my husband. They way they talk to me in front of my husband is so different they just act as if they just love me but when he is not there they treat me real bad they keep insulting me to be real frank i never answer them back i wait to tell my husband but my husband is a person who thinks it is wrong to talk against their parents or questiont them i am no asking them to fight with them or anything just want him to tell them that i am also a part of this family just want to be respected and treated well and loved. he doesnt want to do that. Now they have gone to their daughter's place who stays near by the other problem is after going their also they keep calling everyday asking what did we do it makes me feel they r very noosy i need some privacy its gives me a feeling as if i am a sutdent in college where they take attendence for every hour i need some privacy my husband doesnt understand. I have told him many times i love ur parents and i will surely take care of them but i need some privacy for us we cant have any secrets or anything. the weierdest thing is my mother inlaws gets a lot of dreams so she keeps calling her son and tells him i saw u today like this and saw u were sad i dont get it what is she trying to do so my husband makes me feel she is trying to take away my huaband from me. and one more problem is my motherinlaws wants us to come and celebrate easter with her and her daughter. i dont want to but i dont want to make my husband unhappy i love him and he wants to go i told him i will do it for u its not going to make me happy in any way. i dont want to go what to do i want to stay away from them being a good son he cant see all this but i get hurt its causing a lot of tension between us. I love my husband i want someone to help me out. i dont want anyone to get hurt my inlaws or my husband and at the same time i dont want to struggle like this can someone please help me out

thanks in advance. shortcake replied. hi anu and swati thanx for your advice. I will do as u have said.

swati replied. u r on the rite track by not answering back to inlaws. they r trying to create a fight between u and your husband. this is why they r nice with u infront of him andd rude behind his back. they r looking for an opportunity where u 'answer back' and MIL can create a scene abt u not being respectful and by emotionally blackmailing your husband, this way your husband will closer to MIL. so, this is probably MIL's strategy. She also wants to test your husband and see if he is still under MIL's control and is the same to her as he was b4 marriage. If she sees your husband listening to u and not her, she wont like it and devise more strategies. So, do visit your SIL cos if u dont u will b blamed and not your husband. Let them think that their son is in their control and does what they want. U dont want MIL to go back and start calling your husabnd up and filling his ears from india. do whatever u want when they leave. they r not permanent- only 6 months. anu replied. It is not possible for readers to understand the exact situation the writer is passing thru. So what i felt, i am telling frankly.

See, there can be 2 possibilities: Either your inlaws are really bad as you have mentioned, or may be they are not as bad but just that your point of view is making it so serious.

Assuming they are good/bad .... but your inlaws are there for just a while. Its just a short period you are \";expected to adjust\"; with them.

Out of the problems you have stated, none seems to be too serious. The issues dont seem to be impacting your life for ever or too deeply.

I dont know who is right/wrong ... but i reallly felt you are looking at them from a third person's angle and you are taking things too personally/emotionally.

You are a part of family now, look at them as \";your people\";, and that their problems are your problems. Dont say \";why dont they do it and why should i do it\";.... see, someone has to take the first step. Dont let Ego come up.

I think your hubby feels that his parents are here for a while so he should keep them happy (assume - would you not keep your parents happy if your parents visit you in US and treat your hubby bad?).

Ignore the negatives, see the positives, visit people with them and enjoy the short stay. Try and love your MIL irrespective of the way she behaves. If you win her with love, it will help you forever. And anyway, its just a matter of months. When they go back, let them go happily.

anu shortcake replied. my MIL sometimes blackmails my husband emotionally. My FIL had a chest pain not a heart attack many years ago. So many times my MIL used to scare us by saying if we say anything or if my FIL gets tension then something might happen to him or to his heart. this scares me .He is hail and healty. My husband that its i have to forget him. he gets very upset and i dont want to get blamed if something happens to him. they did this when my husband spoke to my parents when my inlaws were at our home. they both were screaming telling me my husband has got parents amd he neendt talk to urs and he also likes his parents just like the way u like ur parnets. i was shocked i did not know what to say if they shout at me its ok i can bear it because i have married their son but why should my parents tolerate i felt bad when they shouted the same thing to my parents when they called me. i am scared to call my parents. i feel so unconfortable to call my parnets scared they might hurt them. what am i supposed to do. My MIL cries and cries and cries and tells my husband how much she loves him and how much she takes care of him when a mother does all this the son obviously gets emotionally carried away i dont know what to do. i am very upset i just want them to understand me but i dont know what to do....