My son aged five and half is extremely adamant and misbehaving. most of his complains come from his school, which range from giving kicks to hitting to extent of spitting at others. I really dont know how to handle him. I have tried hitting him hard to locking him and also have politely explained him not to do., but nothing works. Please help.
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My son aged five and half is extremely adamant and misbehaving. most of his complains come from his school, which range from giving kicks to hitting to extent of spitting at others. I really dont know how to handle him. I have tried hitting him hard to locking him and also have politely explained him not to do., but nothing works. Please help.
K.Radha replied. My son was an absolute horror!!! I begged, pleaded, scolded, yelled, grounded and even smacked. All of it was useless. Consistancy is a major key. I looked into help and came across Matt Sanders Triple P program, tha Pathwats To Positve Parenting Program. I do not know if classes are held in India but let me say now that after a month of following his advise my son is now a well behaved angel!
His program took Australia by storm and is not used in many other countries. Most recently the UK developed a series called Driving Mommy & Daddy Crazy(or something similar. There is world acclaim for this style of parenting and having been the mother of a naughty child to now a child people praise is wonderful. I can not say enough about this program
Emotional blackmail is a very abusive form of parenting. Threatening to not speak to your child causes long term harm an demotes your parenting skills. How typically indian to suggest a thing, I am always surprised that we resort to emotional blackmail!!!
Australian DR Matt Sanders is a leading child behavoirist and the fist rule is emotional black mail does not work! Check out his site wwwDOTtriplepDOTnet for more advise. Also he wrote a book called EVERY PARENT which has amazing advise and covers ever imaginable problem specifically. There is no need for hundreds of books when you have this one. Go to the glossary and you will find a list... Choose bed wetting... Biting... Anything and you then locate the page with the info. Also the other good thing is this offers advise for each age range. toddlers, pre-schoolers, school age kids and above.
May i make a suggestion that worked a charm with my boy? Matt Sanders suggests a reward system. Given your sons age you are able to place a few specific problem. Eg.Kicking other children, talking back... What ever problem. Make a chart with 1-2 hour blocks and should he get through each block without breaking the rule you give him a stamp. After so many stamps/days(its suggest only 1 day and them 3 and then 5 as you go on before phasing the rewards out) he can have a small treat like watching TV. Choosing what is for dinner.
You could also ask his school to participate. Be very clear when explaining the purpose of the chart to your son, explain the consequences and the rewards. With in a week or so change the blocks to days rather than just hours. When your son does something bad tell him what it is that was bad and how to play or act correctly... Also tell him should it happen again he will go to time out \";X you are not supposed to kick little YYY, play with your cars without hurting one another... If you do it again you will have time out and not earn a stamp\";
Now if he doesn't earn a stamp don't say if you do this or that you can have a stamp. He must learn that by not behaving he wil not get a reward. Time out could be for 5-10 mins in a quiet spot, as soon as he sits quietly start timing, if he screams or yells wait till he is quiet and start over.
All of this should be explained to him when you begin the program of teaching him to behave right. Also try not to give too much attention to the bad behaviour. When he is good praise him, naughtiness is most often attention seeking. If he is playing nice or what ever say something...\";Oh X you are reading quietly and being good, Great\";(maybe even clap)... \";You are playing nicely with Y, I am very happy with that X, what a good boy you are\";
Praise, and praise, and praise and consistancy with punishment. I wish you all the best and hope you are able to find Matt's books. Good luck
Venus replied. I agree with chhavi. Try emotional blackmail. See what he likes most, and try to keep it away from him till his behaviour improves. Then reward him, everytime he behaves well, either wih an expressive hug, or priasing him infront of ur friends or preparing his favourite food, chocolate or even buying him a small toy. Social recognition or even personal hugs, help a lot.
chhavi replied. hi amrita,
The behaviour of ur son is really bad.If nothing is working, tell him if he continues with such behaviour, you will not talk to him and ignore him for a while. Kids can bear anything but they cant bear avoidance of their parents. I think it will work.
2005-04-28
#1
Name: K.Radha Subject: Right Way & A Wrong Way
My son was an absolute horror!!! I begged, pleaded, scolded, yelled, grounded and even smacked. All of it was useless. Consistancy is a major key. I looked into help and came across Matt Sanders Triple P program, tha Pathwats To Positve Parenting Program. I do not know if classes are held in India but let me say now that after a month of following his advise my son is now a well behaved angel!
His program took Australia by storm and is not used in many other countries. Most recently the UK developed a series called Driving Mommy & Daddy Crazy(or something similar. There is world acclaim for this style of parenting and having been the mother of a naughty child to now a child people praise is wonderful. I can not say enough about this program
Emotional blackmail is a very abusive form of parenting. Threatening to not speak to your child causes long term harm an demotes your parenting skills. How typically indian to suggest a thing, I am always surprised that we resort to emotional blackmail!!!
Australian DR Matt Sanders is a leading child behavoirist and the fist rule is emotional black mail does not work! Check out his site wwwDOTtriplepDOTnet for more advise. Also he wrote a book called EVERY PARENT which has amazing advise and covers ever imaginable problem specifically. There is no need for hundreds of books when you have this one. Go to the glossary and you will find a list... Choose bed wetting... Biting... Anything and you then locate the page with the info. Also the other good thing is this offers advise for each age range. toddlers, pre-schoolers, school age kids and above.
May i make a suggestion that worked a charm with my boy? Matt Sanders suggests a reward system. Given your sons age you are able to place a few specific problem. Eg.Kicking other children, talking back... What ever problem. Make a chart with 1-2 hour blocks and should he get through each block without breaking the rule you give him a stamp. After so many stamps/days(its suggest only 1 day and them 3 and then 5 as you go on before phasing the rewards out) he can have a small treat like watching TV. Choosing what is for dinner.
You could also ask his school to participate. Be very clear when explaining the purpose of the chart to your son, explain the consequences and the rewards. With in a week or so change the blocks to days rather than just hours. When your son does something bad tell him what it is that was bad and how to play or act correctly... Also tell him should it happen again he will go to time out \";X you are not supposed to kick little YYY, play with your cars without hurting one another... If you do it again you will have time out and not earn a stamp\";
Now if he doesn't earn a stamp don't say if you do this or that you can have a stamp. He must learn that by not behaving he wil not get a reward. Time out could be for 5-10 mins in a quiet spot, as soon as he sits quietly start timing, if he screams or yells wait till he is quiet and start over.
All of this should be explained to him when you begin the program of teaching him to behave right. Also try not to give too much attention to the bad behaviour. When he is good praise him, naughtiness is most often attention seeking. If he is playing nice or what ever say something...\";Oh X you are reading quietly and being good, Great\";(maybe even clap)... \";You are playing nicely with Y, I am very happy with that X, what a good boy you are\";
Praise, and praise, and praise and consistancy with punishment. I wish you all the best and hope you are able to find Matt's books. Good luck
2005-07-18
#2
Name: yr Subject: son's behaviour problem-yr
Hi Radha,
i saw ur reply to Amrita's son's behaviour problem and felt tht ur advise is very useful to a lot of people. i felt i shd also discuss my problem with u. my son is 2yr9mths old. he's extremely clever and smart. but of late he's getting very stubborn. one major problem is he's not been eating properly from past 1 month and has become very weak. on the other side he's somehow learnt habits like spitting when he gets angry. he's not eating properly. he sleeps very less from the time he is born. he's one of the best looking babies and he's very cute but now he's lost lot of weight and is now underweight and underheight. i tried to give him diff. kind of food to eat but he eats very little and i'm getting very worried. i wondering if his behaviour problem is becoz he's not eating enough food and no sufficient sleep. pls advise .........pls advise. i'm wondering if i need to consult any doctor for his behavioural problem since he's getting worse day by day. he's start crying and would'nt stop for more than an hr and anybody trying to passify him, he hits, bites etc... need ur help and advise
2005-04-09
#3
Name: Venus Subject: Re: impossible behaviour
I agree with chhavi. Try emotional blackmail. See what he likes most, and try to keep it away from him till his behaviour improves. Then reward him, everytime he behaves well, either wih an expressive hug, or priasing him infront of ur friends or preparing his favourite food, chocolate or even buying him a small toy. Social recognition or even personal hugs, help a lot.
2005-08-13
#4
Name: mascarenhas Subject: consult
radha please take him to a doctor an paediatrician, a psychologist and an occupational therapist. i think its always best to consult as early as possible.
2005-04-11
#5
Name: amrita Subject: thnks
thank you. i will try
2005-04-08
#6
Name: chhavi Subject: try this
hi amrita,
The behaviour of ur son is really bad.If nothing is working, tell him if he continues with such behaviour, you will not talk to him and ignore him for a while. Kids can bear anything but they cant bear avoidance of their parents. I think it will work.
2005-04-11
#7
Name: amrita Subject: thnks
thank you very much
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Right Way & A Wrong Way
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Re: impossible behaviour
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