Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hello girls,

I have come back again....:(....My husband doesn't trust me as much as he trusts his Brothers and MOm.I remember My co-sister was telling me that her husband and his brothers(my husband and another elder brother) are not very close .And she even said her husband (1 st BIL) doesn't like his brothers that much.But my stupid husband always loves them a lot.When we got married i stayed with my inlaw's for 1 month.She fought with me for silly reasons....You guys will laugh if u hear the story.I soaked extra dal for making idli batter.At that time itself she started making big drama saying i am not respecting her as i have soaked over dal without her permission.And she started cursing my family from that moment on.And she even insulted my parents infront of me...And i didn't even do anything abt it..I got angry and i replied back to her.Then i went to my mom's house.There his first brother came and he threatened my parents and me that if he asks his brother (my husband ) to divorce me ,he will immedeately divorce me without asking any work.I was really hurt by these words and rest of the story u can go thro' in my previous note....Today i told my husband that his brother threatened us when he came to my mom's house but he doesn;t trust me.He said i wasmlying ....he said his brother wouldn't have said this to me.....I aksed him do u think i am lying???He said yes....What is the point in living with him ,if he doesn't trust me??He trusts his brother more than me.I don;t know when will this stupid guy see his brother's real face....Now i just spoke to him that if he doesn't have faith in me he can divorce me ...He said if you are serious about it let's talk....i am really sick of all this...it is like strangers living together and having sex when ever there is a need in both sides....This is not good for long term relationship....Do u guys think this is the time i should divorce him and move on with my life???Let him be with his brother.They know their wives are important to them not his brothers.But this stupid guy is not realising and i lost hope that he will one day realise also....I have done my masters in math from University of chennai.I have totally forgot what i have studied.I have not worked so far....What kind of jobs can i get if i divorce and go back to india???Any advice?????I shouldn't have married....did a big mistake in my life...Cannot get my life back...Oh god...why did u even do this to me??????My life looks like hell to me .......:(....I am the so unlucky girl in the world............:(

RS malvika replied. dear rs
i can understand what ure going through I sailed on the same boat for a long time Then finally i decided i will not kill my sanity So i let him make mistakes & learn his own lessons
i get an impression ure recently married.Now one thing is there that ure husband has learned to worship & have faith in them ever since he was born & ure relationship to him is shorter Obviously he will believe them So focus on ure relationship nowDevelop
love & faith Concentrate on both of you
Do not criticize his people & whenever discussion about them arrives just put up a serious face If ure husband confronts u over this just say that politely that you do not want to criticize them but they have been unfair to you so lets not open this topic & spoil each others moods Dont say that often Avoid discussion on them try to remain happy & gay All husbands like happy & loving wives


Divorce is not a solution it will only affect you & your husband thats all
Strengthen ure bond so much that nobody can shake/break it Have patience as it will require some time
As far as inlaws are concerned if they misbehave with you dont stoop down to their level & start fighting with them ignore them or say sternly that you do not like their behaviour Maintain a distance some 1 the same replied. First of all you're not unlucky. You have parents that love you and you are well educated. There are a lot of people out there that will never have the benifit of an education behind them, you can use this to your advantage in life.

What do you intend to do with your life? I think you should start working and see if that helps you find better ways not to dwell on the negatives of this relationship. Experience in the work force can be of help to you, make it more than a job... Make it a career.

When you are threatened try as best you can to have a record of it. My sis had a BIL that was a real horrid person, threats, abuse, you name it. Initially she wrote everything down as a record, if only for herself. Her hubby never believed her either so in the end she took action. She got herself a little tape recorder, you know the tiny voice activated variety? She never EVER went without it and kept it on whenever her BIL was about so that she could prove to her hubby the things this man was doing.

In the end she showed him what it was that the BIL was doing and he saw that he'd been wrong accusing her of lies. You could try that if you were bold enough.