Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

tell me how to build up trust in my relationship
i am married for more than 3 yrs B4 marriage my husband never disclosed that he wanted to move abroad.I wasnt very keen to moveOne month after our marriage he started writing exams to move abroad & within 6 mths he leftHe told me that it just happened & i believed him But now i realise had he told me he wouldnt have his house filled with soo many gifts(dowry)
Right after my marriage we were at his place for more than 20 days He said to me that we wont go out anywhere(not even to market) because he wanted to give a feeling of a family to his father(my MIL not aliveFIL,BIL & his granny stay together)
At the time of my marriageI could not get more than 22 days leave at a stretch in a year so i wanted to stay for a few days at my place too (my workplace was far from my parents)also as it is a custom to invite newly weds by the relativesMy husband turned a deaf ear to my repetitive request I was very surprised& shocked to see him change colour as soon as we got married( we had a long courtship though it was a long distance--telephonic one)Now thru his relative i've come to know that in their clan they regularly instruct sons to stay away from in laws At that time i couldn't figure out why he was avoiding my people
after marriage I went for a puja (stayed for night) to my place & b4 leaving my BIL who is younger to my husband ordered us to be back by 9 am sharp in the morning This kind of behaviour was surprising for me Gradually i discovered he was bossy & disrespectful.Sometimes to my family as well.But i did not intervene as i was there just for a monthBut definitely i expected my husband to correct him which He never did
After that we went back to our work & got busy though somewhere deep in my heart i felt he never treats me special
he went abroad i joined him there i got pregnant as was not keeping well went to my parents in india He did not give me a penny when i returnedThis was the first time when i was in doubt whether he really cares for me & the childTo top it all he sent all the money to his fatherI definitely dont think that he shouldn't have given money to his father but i also deserved somethingI was literally in tears when i boarded the plane
as it was an early pregnancy so staying with my mom was great relief for me I stayed for 2 months then my husband came to india He didnot bother to take me from my moms place(diff cities) and said i am sorry i dont have time u can come on ure own my parents were not in a situation to accompany me i was heartbroken to see him behave like this I went on my own with all the luggage & joined himThenwe came back from india together I asked him the reason and he said he had an appointment with a dentist
Till the last day of my preg i used to do everything on my own with no help or if i confronted a little help from himI felt bad sometimes but thought may be iam being emotional bec of my pregnancy
i never had to ask for anything at my parents place so as usual i did not ask for anything from him naturally got nothing No gifts ,clothes nothing i had to suppress my self pride & ask him why he did that and he had a usual reply thati dont have any idea about it I console myself maybe its b/c its an arranged marriage
many a times his brother has insulted us but he doesnt say anything to him I feel its absolutely right if i expect him to at least confront him These are only few incidents i am unable to understand him I was very fun loving earlier now serious most of the time i just concentrate on my childHe claims to love me but i feel till now whenever i wanted him besides me he was nowhere
i want to change things want respect ,trust in the relationshipSometimes i feel we are strangers Rajesh Kumar R replied. Hi veena

A good wife always knows her place.
It doesn't mean that you are not a good wife. The main weapon is love. shot it. Talk to him openly. Point out the situations. Point out that he is the only one for you and your kid. Make to realize him his mistakes.

Make him realize that you are the one will be with him until his last breath. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk fist. Never and every try to argue with him. Never try to great him with complaints and problems. Don't question about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.

If accepted mail me. will reply to u

Thanks
Rajesh
Dimple replied. Hi Veena,
You are not the only married women who sometimes feels that her husband is a stranger. You should talk to him while he is in a good mood and ask him how come you guys don't have fun like most families with little kids. Ask him to take you and ur kid to the park, go out to eat, meet friends and try to cultivate hobbies for urself and ur husband so, u too can share happy times
togeather. Maybe this way, ur husband will open up to u and will realise how wonderful his wife really is!!

Good Luck