Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Basically I am seeking advice about the problems I have with my mother-in-law (MIL). I have now been married for just over two years, I have a wonderful husband and we have a magnificent relationship too. We had a love/arranged marriage and we meant whilst i was finishing my MSc at University. We both have quit high powered jobs which at times can be stressful, but we are financially very stable.

My MIL has a very jealous personality, she finds it extremely difficult to get along with not just me, but both her own family and her own in-laws. She also lies very much about anything and everything which causes many problems within the family. If my husband or me try to confront her, she starts on about another issue, or tells another lie to cover up the last one, she never thinks anything is her fault.

For example she taunts me in front of either her family or mine, so then people ask me, why does your MIL behave like that?? i just say that's how she is. She offends lots of people, ever her own in-laws, who i know can't stand the women!!

My MIL could not ever watch our wedding, she went off the stage greeting all the other guests, my husband was very upset by this and also confronted her about it, but she did the usual, changed the subject or put tears in her eyes! My husband was so ticked off, he could not be bothered with her!

My FIL used to be ok with me when we got married, but with my MIL constant ear filling even he thinks its all me.

My parents have now had enough so they called them and asked them what their problem was with me?? They went into blind panic and started to say nothing, we treat her fine etc etc. My dad said my daugh is not affected by your words, she is only warning you that society is taking about you and laughing behind your back..

They are now in a complete panic over who is taking about them which is quite funny bcos i have my MIL right in my hand. My husband who is totally on my side and ready to disown them said if they want to know they would have to come to our house in London were my parents would also be to sort out the problem.

My MIL and FIL are now so scared about all the truth coming out, they are trying to be all sweet. I told my husband non-of this is going to be swept under the carpet,

I have also noticed that my MIL gets very jealous and restless when my husband or me spend time with my side of the family, or if we don't do as she wants. When she does seem to be happy about something, she's so false and it's so obvious too.

I have one brother-in-laws, who is only one year younger then my husband, but not married yet, he tend to side with his mummy although he does admit his mothers faults when it suits him. I also have a fantastic relationship with all the rest of my in-laws, they are genuinely very nice people.

My husband always backs me up, as he can see what his mother is like, infact so can other people, including her own family, and she is very much talked about in the community (we all live in the UK) and within her own and her in-laws side too which I don't think she realizes.

It is so embarrassing for the rest of the family because we do not get included in community events, family celebrations, or other functions because she always offends people and thinks she hasn't done anything wrong, although she is very quick to bring up other peoples faults.

At present we live in central London and they live in the midlands so we only see them now and again, but I am now finding it very hard to hope with her and finding it very stressful and this has started to effect my health. My husband is now so fed up with her, he want's to leave the country to get away from her. In the end, what has she gained, and what has she lost?

I am not a daugh-in-law from the dark ages, I am highly educated, financially independent (even before i was married) and a very confident person as i work in senior management. If his mum wants to play politics she has chosen the wrong women bcos i have the power to make her life a living hell. I never show this as i talk through my husband, i never show any emotion, crying etc bcos I don't want to give her the pleasue of seeing me upset, i never speak back i just tell my husband who does all my speaking for me - which she really can't stand.

I think all MIL's like this are are afraid of having DIL how are like them, in terms of personality, they feel treated by facing themselves, after all they were also DIL's who took their husbands away from their mummy's!!

I needed to get it off my chest, and I did, this is a great site, let us DILs stick together!
****** replied. My M-I-L is also like yours. She thinks she can never make a mistake and its never her fault. Though my M-I-L's mil had passed away long before we got married, I came to know through some people, that my M-I-L had made her M-I-L's life miserable by playing politics, by not letting her kids (my husband and his sis) get close to their grandmother etc. I feel sorry for my M-I-L's mil. My FIL is a hen- pecked husband who though loved his mom, could not say much in front of such a wife.

My M-I-L is now in the process of making my life a living hell and though my husband is on my side, I don't have the guts to fight with her. I feel that if my husband keeps a distance from his mom, what would the society think about me? What if my M-I-L who is in her 60s right now falls ill, gets a heart attack or something if her son does not keep any/much relation with her (my mil is in a perfectly good health right now)
I know all these thoughts make me all the more weak.

I admire your guts when you write \";If his mum wants to play politics she has chosen the wrong women bcos i have the power to make her life a living hell.\";

I wish I had your guts. I wish all MIL's like ours should get DILs like you, only then will they learn a lesson.

And yes this is a wonderful site and let us DILs stick together.. friend replied. Hi

I can understand what you are going thru, basically all MIL's are very posssessive they take the DIL for granted and in the end i don't see any one of them acheiving anything great either they end up in making their dear sons life miserable or their's themselves.

It is true that they are jealous when the DIL and their Son are close to the Dils family members they just cannot take it, Anyway it is good that ur hubby is in your side, and u being a strong woman, but i suggest it is not necessary for your hubby to giveup his parents, whatever it is u can try to ignore her nonsense and just maintain a cordial relationship with them. Afterall they have given birth to him.

This is my suggestion anyway it is up to you.

GOOD LUCK.