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Role of in-laws:SIL's husband
2005-07-22
Name: swati tanwar



My SIL visited us for the first time and my inlaws were visiting us also. I have posted comments at this website b4 regarding interference. My hubby has been actually calling my inlaws 8-10 times a day while at work. I dont call at all.
And my MIL recently got her Greencard and FIL's in process. The only thing on their mind is moving to US. My SIL lives in another state. They have been asking my hubby over and over again abt my MIL visiting after 6 months. And, my hubby tells them abt the rules at a govt site that as long as the visit is within an yr and if they dont need citizenhip, they r fine. And they go around asking the same question to whoever they meet. And then tell their son how its 6 month visits. And, they dont really want citizenhip.
They r very critical of people and how they look.
Very judgemental. And, my FIL has taken a vacation for the first time for 3 weeks to come stay with us. I guess hes testing the waters b4 they plan on finally moving in with us. My hubby moved out at age 17 to US to study but I dont think hes independent since he talks to them everyday. And, hes pretty immature for a 30 yr old- i guess the parents havents given him the chance to growup.
My FIL likes to b intrusive and stupid questions. He even asked my hubby's freind abt his hair(he's almost bald) in front of lot of people. My hubby wasnt there. Now, u can imagine what questions they can ask me right on my face. My hubby tries to control the situation and i avoid them as far as possible. I work fulltime so its a bit easier for me.
Now, coming to the main issue. I want u guys to analyse the following situation involving my SIL's hubby. They have been married 10 years and have 2 sons aged 3 and 6. I tried talking 2 him and my inlaws and SIL were watching me like a hawk. And, then he gave me his work number and I called. He confided in me abt the interference part and hes been suffering for past 10 yrs. He said he lets my SIL talk to her parents as long as they dont interfere. For eg, it was getting 2 much cos my SIL would miss appts just waiting for their call. He told her its ok to talk but without affecting your children and family. He also knows that my hubby and my inlaws talk like crazy and its a problem. He said they r not normal people and my FIL has no people skills. But they r a baggage he has to carry and I do too. He said he has told them that they r interfering on their face but in a nice manner. He also told them not to b confrontational with me. Now, since mil has a GC my inlaws have discussed future options with them. My SIL's hubby has told them diplomatically that they cant live with them but in an apt or a house. Now my hubby had told me b4 marriage that my inlaws will b living with us in future and i was ok with it. My inlaws being confrontational have indirectly watched my expresions when they talk abt moving here. I have never discussed it with them or my hubby. He prob understands that I wont like it if they move in. My SIL's husband also told me that soon they will have the same question for me abt moving in and expect me to answer \";move in with us\";. They can afford to buy an apt or lease it- they have enuff savings from middle east where they still live and visit every summer. He has prepared me for a response-'its not my decision but the whole family's' and leave it at that.
My question is as to why he'd b so helpful. Should I trust him completely? How do u assess the situation? And, I dont want my inlaws with us either.



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2005-07-27
#1
Anonymous Name: prumessence
Subject:  uncomfortable..



It is a difficult situation you are in, and where any support is welcome you have to watch yourself from relatives coz you dont know when they might use it against you.
He sounds sincere but in case your sil comes to know somehow any kind of meaning can be taken out of it. More so your husband who as you say isnt mature enough will definately be hurt and might react in a bad way.
Dont develop this talking on phone behind back thing and just keep it to cordial relationship. What he suggests sounds good, about \";it is not my decision..\";
It is not in your hands to not take in your inlaws, esp since you did accept it when your husband first suggested it to you. So try methods like (i dont know how your living situation is) shift their residing quarters to another level like if you have finished basement. Or buy duplex town houses or rent 2 flats on 2 diff level etc. Good luck
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