Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Name: unknown

hi beeno,
sorry for leaving in between my last message.

like i said,things said here are mere opinions and mostly goodwill of women trying to help other women.
i am not an expert,neither is anyone else.
if anything,it is the common problems that bring people together here and if possible to discuss some logical solutions and provide emotional support if any.

so,please be careful about what you take from here.
also,remember,no one will be there in person to own up to the effects their advices can have.
you and you alone will have to face things in life.
so,do not get carried away in an emotional state
by things said here.
be very careful beeno,it is your life.

anyway,what i wanted to say is...
i do empathise with you on certain things.
whether you are pretty or not,frankly to me personally that is not the issue.
if you feel stranded in a marriage you do not like,that too at the age of 25(got married at 24).,and having a kid too,i can understand how you feel.

only what bothers me is the way in which you have put your reasons and some of the things being self-contradictory.
first,you describe your husband as being almost angelic.
but,this is not enough for you.
there is this issue of physical attractiveness.
i am slightly deluded by this as to be honest as an outsider as i have seen your snaps and to me you both look quite befitting to each other.
then,when someone raises this issue,you brush it aside saying looks are not important as long as he was a bit more outgoing and had more to his personality than mere niceness and simplicity.

ok,so you do not just want a nice husband,you also want someone you can be proud of and looks good on your arms when you go out in public.

permit to to say this,no matter what you could have stuck to your guns if you were so particular about getting married to a man of your choice.

by getting married,you have not engaged in only a physical relationship,but an emotional one too.
and it is hereafter 2 lives involved and now actually 3!

about your question about sex,of course it wanes with time.well,at least in majority,it is passionate to start with,and wanes with time.
by that i mean,you do not have passionate relation all your life.,it changes.,life is dynamic.every phase of life has a different purpose and meaning.sex is not everything,it is just a part of life.sometimes,it does not last more than few minutes!!

remember,marriage is a bond,not a sexual arrangement.if you are imagining other people having a great life and better sex than you,you are likely to be wrong 9 out of 10 times.

in the west,some women choose not to marry but only be in a relation most life.
but even those are few and far between.these few who are fiercely independent and financially excellent and have a 'steady' and loyal partner.
but,we do not know for sure!all this is hearsay!

so,beeno,first of all,i feel you are rather young and tempted to rash decsions.take some elderly support if possbile.speak to friends.
most important learn to have dialogues with your husband.healthy dialogues...meant to have some outcome.
if he as nice as you say,he is sure to participate and share your views.if you do not express,how will he know your heart and mind?

on the other hand,if you live all your life thinking yourself to be superior and not giving him the credit of being even a good father,is his happiness also not at stake?
think for the sake of both of you and your child.

whatever decisions you take and whatever you do in life,remember,life is not a bed of roses.
one problem is solved and another shows up.
this is not to discourage,it is only simple experience.

rest is up to you.
take care.

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