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Role of in-laws:How much is normal?

2005-06-21

Name: Sary Hi, I hope someone can advise. I am recently married and we live abroad. Both of us work. I was alreay working and supporting us for the past year but he has recetnly got a job 2 months ago. Now that he is working he obviously has to send money back home to support his family.Now, I have used up all my savings in the past few months, and my parents always help us with things financially. His family has never ever done anyting. Once we asked and they said oh how can we etc etc, whereas they always have a lot to spend on themselves. Anyway now he thinks he needs to send enough to run their house!! they are five people. Whereas I think, I too am working so he should send a contribution there- as a contribution towards their household. Surely I should not have to bear everything here with helo from my family and he send almost all to his? I am not being kanjoos but am asking for advice as this seems a bit over the top to me. Please advise on how I can deal with this. Thanks a lot.

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Hi, I hope someone can advise. I am recently married and we live abroad. Both of us work. I was alreay working and supporting us for the past year but he has recetnly got a job 2 months ago. Now that he is working he obviously has to send money back home to support his family.Now, I have used up all my savings in the past few months, and my parents always help us with things financially. His family has never ever done anyting. Once we asked and they said oh how can we etc etc, whereas they always have a lot to spend on themselves. Anyway now he thinks he needs to send enough to run their house!! they are five people. Whereas I think, I too am working so he should send a contribution there- as a contribution towards their household. Surely I should not have to bear everything here with helo from my family and he send almost all to his? I am not being kanjoos but am asking for advice as this seems a bit over the top to me. Please advise on how I can deal with this. Thanks a lot. rups replied. I think since your parents have helped out more you should repay them first if they helped financially. It is not okay to assume that the guys parents always get everything just because the daughter is \";paraya dhan\";. Then you should look at your own household first-plan for your future savings, retirement etc. and then help both the parents side accordingly. It is your duty to help them but only after your own house is secure. You both need to talk and devise a plan. Well Wisher replied. I would suggest that you both sit down and make a budget plan. After taking care of the things that need taken care of and you put something away for the rainy days, you can give a considerable amount of both your earnings to his family. You have to make him understand that it is necessary for you to plan for the future and save. It is both your duties to take care of his and your parents financially. So make him understand that they cannot think of you as the money tree. If you tell it the right way in the right time I am sure he will understand.

2005-06-22

Name: rups
Subject:

Make a plan

I think since your parents have helped out more you should repay them first if they helped financially. It is not okay to assume that the guys parents always get everything just because the daughter is \";paraya dhan\";. Then you should look at your own household first-plan for your future savings, retirement etc. and then help both the parents side accordingly. It is your duty to help them but only after your own house is secure. You both need to talk and devise a plan.

2005-06-23

Name: Sary
Subject:

Thanks

Dear Rups and Well wisher,
thanks a lot for taking time out to reply to me. I will try what you sugest. The thing is everytime I approach this he doesn;t seem to want to talk and avoids the issue. If I talk about repaying my parents he gets angry and in the past has also said things like well your family has more than mine. But from my point o fview that is not the issue who has more. Mine are just more generous. His will have bu tto spend ONLY on themseles. Never on us. Do you know they never ever give me anything, birthdays, special occasions.....NEVER. My parents and immediate family always give him separate gifts :(

2005-06-21

Name: Well Wisher
Subject:

make a plan

I would suggest that you both sit down and make a budget plan. After taking care of the things that need taken care of and you put something away for the rainy days, you can give a considerable amount of both your earnings to his family. You have to make him understand that it is necessary for you to plan for the future and save. It is both your duties to take care of his and your parents financially. So make him understand that they cannot think of you as the money tree. If you tell it the right way in the right time I am sure he will understand.

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