Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hello,
I am totally confused and dont know how to deal with this situation.
Its been almost a year when we moved out of our joint family because of scores of problems.. which is a never ending list..but i will put some of them just to tell you people how intolerable it is to live with them.. our joint family means his parents and elder brother's family.
Problem 1: His brother thinks he should control the whole family. He never ever would let us go anywhere alone and they would be free to do as they wished.
Problem 2: We both earn and earn much more than my BIL. His wife is a housewife.. and so we are supposed to surrender our finances to BIL as he is the so called head of the family.
Problem 3: Whenever my MIL of BIL's daughter liked anything they would take without even asking me. child i can understand but MIL????
We bought her a very expensive and nice shawl. after a few days my mom gifted me one.. (on occasion of sankranti)... it was a bit more fashionable.. and my MIL just snatched it from my hand and kept it under her control.. she took may watch (excuse is that you have two.. so now doesnt she has two). She took my ring also which my sister had brought UK.. saying that she will bring more for you..
Problem 4: They did not care at all about my husband's feelings.. he always had to take a back chair when his bhaiya and bhabhi were around. and they expected a lot from my parents.
Finally they did not agree to shift to a place near our office(Me and my husband work in the same office).. when i was pregnant and when we said that we will move out .. they made a big scene.. but we had to move out as i was not able to commute from that far.. So they got angry and my husband after almost a year now also sometimes think that he did something wrong.. he now and then goes in these depressions when he does not talk to me and my child and when i push him to talk it comes out that he is thinking of his family and blaming himself for moving out..
Now, i dont know what to do.. I really love my husband and him to be happy always. at the same time i cant even think of moving back with my in-laws.. they have made me suffer so much..
what should i do?? How can i make him realize that he is not to be blamed.. i have talked to him so many times about everything in details and he agrees to all that i say.. but when he goes in these depressions i really feel bad.
Please give me your valuable suggestions. swati replied. I am glad u moved out for whatever reasons. I wonder how many times your hubby talks to his family. They probably make him feel guilty. Since your BIL stays with your inlaws, I am sure he reminds your hubby that hes at fault. MIL prob gives egs of how her friends kids stay in joint families etc. They dont realise that it also depends on how the DIL is treated. Your BIL is unreasonable. Remember, it will take some time for your hubby to get over it. Dont u feel guilty - dont go back to inlaws. Once u give in now, it will bcome a prob for a lifetime. YOur hubby will get his way all the time if u give in now. U need to stick to your decisions and b strong.