Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Thank you all for your suggestions. Following my previous discussion from last week, I did speak to my husband about the various issues.
1. Financial - My husband still is not very open to me about finances... It's a joint family business, and I have a feeling that his parents are controlling the amount of money he withdraws from the business. His mother made a decision to USE all of my money each month to pay for the house about 2 yrs ago. During that time, I told him I did not want to work, if we have a child and his mother said - she can manage to take care of the baby !!!! So now, 2 yrs later, and when we want to plan to have a child, I am questioning my husband about financial situation and he is not very open. I told him I want to leave my job to take care of the baby and he says things like - oh I dont know if we'll have the money. I know he does have the money because we have a good lifestyle, but I have a feeling he is saying that because he wants his mother to take care of the child !

2. Resepect parents - I also told him I want him to respect my family and he said - oh what does respect mean that I need to support them financially ? He always twists things and makes everything to difficult.

3. Communication - I told him to be open as far as communication was concerned with me. And he's just so reserved. Because of this, I start assuming things. And he said \";I will be open, only if you dont use this against me in the future\"; !

I really don't understand what type of a guy he is, but I always get the impression that he is trying to hide things ie his parents and him against me. I really feel like leaving him, because I feel that maybe that is his character. I need help..... dil replied. Hi Soul,
My husband was also very secretive and was always distrusting me even on small issues like when I came home from office I had a headache on ONLY one day and he would think that i am lying. When I reached a point where you are now (that was when I was already pregnant), so I could not leave him..
He was also always wanting to use my money.. would use my ATM card whenever he wanted. But, I would always make it clear that my money was for savings and our child only.. Slowly he has started to understand the fact. I do use my money whenever it is necessary, but thats on my discretion.
I wrote a mail to him instead of raising the issues aamne saamne.. I raised all the issues in the email.. there in i could clarify everything without he being able to twist things in between and being careful of the words I use by re-reading and editing the email. Finally I took a printout and forced him to read him.. when he read it we had a calm discussion and most of the things were resolved and clarified.. We moved out of our joint family after sometime and are now very happy :)
I hope you have a happy ending too.
all the best. me-me replied. Hi Soul,

I think you have every right to know what the financial situation is at home. Don't assume a good life style means good finances as there may be no savings. If he is being secretive about it then you can do the same. Hide your earnings and when he questions tell him that he has had every opportunity to be open but has resisted. Until he can be forward you need not be.

Parhaps you can begin savingh your earnings for when you do have a child. Imagine thinking you can stay home only to find out you can not afford to? It seems you want to be able to stay home with your child rather than leave it with your MIL so try to prepare. It will be your child not hers.

What on earth is your hubby saying when he says \";oh what does respect mean that I need to support them financially ? \";?? What a silly reponse. It seems if he is going to twist things you need to be clear about what you need to say before you begin. Try yo anticipate all the ways he can twist it and ready yourself. Gosh I would almost want to hide my whole wage and tell him that his lack of respect has caused you to begin supporting him to compensate for his rudeness!

Why is he so concerned that what ever he says will be used against him? Can anyone make a promise not to? If the issue comes up again and again surely one is going to see a pattern and bring something up? Like you I don't understand what sort of person he is but more than anyone else you have the right to know.

It is crisis time, you have thought of leaving but before you take such action you must endevour to correct things if you can. Time for you both to sit down and talk things through. Get yourself a note pad and begin writing down everything that needs to be addressed, what you want to say, what you mean and what you expect. Yes compromise can occur but things must be brought to the surface before they get worse. I do wish you all the best with this