Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hello,
I want some advise from you people.
Problem is that I am married in a family where my brother in-law is earning quite less than my husband.. I am also working and my sis-in-law isnt. But, we are living in a joint family. They try to control all the finances. My FIL is not there and my MIL also thinks that since my Brother in law is older, he is the head of the family and so what he says should be obeyed by everybody. Now they want things like using our money to buy a house with MILs name on it as pandit says that if we buy a house on a name of somebody starting with \";s\"; it would be unlucky for us. Also, they give my cell phone to anybody without even asking me. My mom-in-law keeps all jwellery with her and if I dont return after using it, she taunts a lot. When my mother gave a shawl to me, she wanted that too.. On top of this my sister in law wants me to work more than her at home, she wants us to bring things everyday for her daughter.. I am sick and tired of everything. and am thinking seriously of living separately.. but they will create a lot of problems as then they will not have much control on our money.. also I am pregnant and working.... i had thought that i will have no problems about my child's bringing up as we live in a joint family.. but now i dont know what to do..:( NA replied. Dear Shelly..!

I sympathize in your situation...Becoz I have not yet got a chance to live in a joint family.I wouldnt be able to advice anything much on this issue

However,I can suggest something...as i feel you are really depressed.

As far as finances are concerned and YOUR jewellery is concerned...you will have to ask your husband for a very serious discussion...in a nice and peaceful manner...without any interference from other family members...and without lossing control over issues and going haywire

But for now, you need to take care of yourself and your baby...Any amount of tension will affect the baby in you...in many unknown ways...So keep tension out as far as possible..And try to avoid anything and everything that can disturb you mentally...

I do agree that money and a peaceful life with your hus is very important...but its your responsibilityas as a mother to fulfill ur duty and give birth to sound and healthy baby(noone will be answerable if you become sick and tired)...then you can tackle these issues...and at tht time you will be in a much much better state of mind and body..Believe me.

I would suggest you go oer to your family home and spend some time there for a change out of these things....

Dont know if this helps
Take care..
another DIL replied. Hi Shelly,

I can very well understand your position as i am also going through more or less same situation.

I would suggest that you should seperate ur finance immediately as atleast this will give you some independence. Fight if you have to fight for this. You can ask your husband that he should spend his money for household things and you will going to save your money for the rainy day and for the future of your child.

I did the same. But i am not conceived yet but i realized my MIL FIL interference after 3 months of my marriage. Started having arguments and after 8 worth months of pain and misery, i seperately my finance and now i am saving it for my future.

As far as jewellery is concerned you see this is part of joint family culture but i am also fed up from this as my MIL also asks for my things as if it is her property and i have no right to keep anything after use.

I am trying to have a seperate bank locker on my husband and my name and will seperate it one day. BUT YOU SEE THESE THINGS TAKE TIME AS U HAVE TO CONVINCE YOU HUSBAND TOO.

Have patience but fight back if situation becomes unbearable. But my personal opionion is that you should seperate after giving birth to your baby. Please do not worry much as this would effect ur child. Take care.

YOu can always share anything with me whenever you feel like.

Take care.