Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have wanted to start this topic for a long time. Many a times I have read on this forum ladies complaining that their in-laws expect them to send them money and buy them expensive gifts when they visit or vice versa. I think it is very unfair. Not only that there are some brothers out there who are paying for their younger brother's education, as well as getting married.

First and foremost if a person does not have a job and can not afford to get himself married should not be marrying anyway. It is unfair to expect your bhaya and bhabhi to pay for it. They have a life of their own and need to save for them selves.

And the parents, if you could not afford to educate and get all your kids married you shouldn't have had them in the first place. why should one child be paying for his other siblings?

As parents it is our duty to give.... not take.

I want to know other ladies opinions. rachel replied. yes its sad, my husband's parents treats every family member like they are business associates. Its all about the money with them and frankly i think thats sad. augustborn replied. Hi Girls
There was a time when all this was affordable and acceptable because there was a strong joint family in place. All the earning members used to pool their earnings and the household was run. All contributing members knew that whenever the need arises, his need will be taken care of...
Now the scenario is different...though we dont pool our earnings but we are still expected to run other people's households.
It is our duty to take care of our parents or send them money if they dont have the savings/depleted savings...but to expect a steady inflow of money as an investment when you dont need it is not my idea of decency...
Diligent replied. It is ok to look after and support your in-laws if they are retired and have spent most of their money in raising their children, educating them etc etc.. but if they are well to do and have they should not expect upkeep. even then I do not say that it is bad to support them.

The annoying thing and my arguement is when they expect one person to pay for other siblings expenses or other relatives. That should not be the case. A replied. Hi Diligent,
This is a real good topic. I like to read this message board as many of us are having so similar kind of problems, yet can hardly do anything about it. Well, I guess the question should not be whether it is right or wrong. It should be how to tackle this problem. I have been victim of this problem since long 6 yrs but still couldn't find a solution for the same. The thing that freaks me out is that these ILs consider it to be there right. Well, I am with \";life\";. I don't mind providing the parents in laws. Well diligent, I guess one reason we are discussing this topic here is that our hubbies have different opinions on this topic. I agree with you in that one should not have kids if they are not capable of providing them with education at the least. But this is the last thing our hubbies would want to listen. Well, I could not find the solution to this problem, so now I have asked my hubby that if anybody wants money in his family (which is not limited to his real bros only. We hv to provide for his cousine sis's marriage as he doesn't hv any sis and cousine bros education as his uncle has done a lot for him) to direct them to me. I promised him that I wouldn't say no to them. This has definitely lowered the demands as their egos come in the way and it suits me very well. That is all I have to say as of now. I will be looking forward for more discussion on this topic from others in this group.

Regards,
A. tejmom replied. i agree with u. but can we ladies do something about it? is there any possibility for us to escape the old stupid custom of bearing different kind of tortures from inlaws? if any body has any ideas, please share life replied. Hey diligent

IL's think that we all literally have a moneyplant in our houses here. I mean to some extent I understand children should take care of parents. But when they are financialy stable, they expect financial support for other sibbilings. Why? Cant they even think that everybody has to lead their own lifes?

I am really fed up of this IL's expecting money from son's like crazy