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hi there..was reading yours reply ...read abt something you were reffering abt to read how to cope battles between spouses about handling finance can you please tell us about some site..that will be very helpful for us..thanku

born again a bahu replied. hi there,

here is an exmaple, just type in problems married life in any search engine and you will find plenty of eductaive articles with tips on how to manage.

i am sorry this article is rather long as i havent had time to edit it. Also since one cant post the link, here is teh article itself

Some Bickering Over Bucks
Of course, even the most financially compatible couples occasionally lock horns. And some of those spats make their way into the bedroom: 14 percent of women and 4 percent of men admitted to us that they'd withheld sex after a fight about money. And the younger you are, the more those squabbles take a toll on your sex life: 31 percent of women and 12 percent of men polled who were under the age of 35 said they'd refused to do the deed after a financial blowout.

What causes an otherwise fiscally like-minded couple to clash? Being in debt is the top monetary tiff starter among partners we surveyed -- it caused conflict among 37 percent of respondents. Owing money can do more to wreck a family's finances than almost anything else, says Karen McCall, founder of the Financial Recovery Institute, a financial counseling service based in San Anselmo, California, that specializes in working with couples.

And clearly there's plenty of debt to fight about: More than 20 percent of couples we polled said they were carrying a credit card balance of over $10,000. Naturally, reducing a debt load of that size can take a lot of sacrifice about which partners may not see eye to eye.

Debt, obviously, is tied directly to spending -- the second most common cause of money arguments, our survey revealed. Twenty-five percent of respondents cited \";my spouse's spending\"; as the top reason for conflict in their marriage, while 22 percent confessed that their own buying ways were to blame. Similarly, big-ticket purchases are also a flash point, ranked as the main cause of financial conflict for 21 percent of couples.

\";Sometimes we disagree over spending,\"; says Krysta Senek, a 31-year-old actress, real estate agent and new mother in West Orange, New Jersey. \";It'll be a long day and we're both exhausted between the baby and everything, and my husband will say, 'Let's order in Japanese food tonight.' It seems like a small treat, but by the time we order and get a bottle of wine, it's $80. Is that what we need to spend our money on? I don't think so. We can probably use it for something better...like diapers.\";

What's the best way to keep such monetary disputes to a minimum? McCall offers this advice:


Know where your money's going. To cut down on conflicts about spending, McCall has her clients carefully track their purchases. Both spouses write down every cent that goes out of their pocket for a month, then meet to go over the results and look for patterns. It can be a real eye-opener to find out, say, that your manicures and haircuts are adding up to more than your grocery bill or that if you both brown-bag your lunches for work a couple of times a week it could cover one or two months of mortgage payments over the course of a year.


Uncover what's really behind those spats. Squabbles over takeout and facials can sometimes be symptomatic of a bigger problem in a relationship, which is something that the above money-tracking meeting -- and an accompanying heart-to-heart -- can help reveal. \";One of my clients was hurt and angry that her husband always questioned every purchase she made when the credit card bill came in,\"; says McCall. \";After some honest reflection, it turned out that she felt as if her husband didn't trust her to make any purchasing decisions. So what would seem like a routine fight about money was really about a much deeper issue of trust. Once the husband realized the way his wife felt, he backed off -- and interestingly, she began to think twice before using their credit card.\";

Indeed, while talk may be cheap, it's key when it comes to fending off money fights. More than 70 percent of married men and women we surveyed said they discussed financial matters with their spouses weekly. \";My husband and I probably talk about money twice a week,\"; says June Brewer. \";Granted, some of the conversations are about trivial things like what day we should transfer money into the joint account. But for the most part, we've gotten to the point where we're really talking and listening to each other about our dreams, what we want for the future and whether or not our finances will get us there.\";


Get your priorities straight. June's definitely on to something. Taking the time to identify your financial goals is the first step toward working as a team to achieve them, instead of bickering over where all your dough goes. Both the men and the women we surveyed agreed that paying down debt was on the top of their financial wish list, followed by saving for retirement. And among partners who had hashed out their monetary objectives, a full 73 percent of men and 69 percent of women believed they were \";on track\"; to meet them. \";Getting out of debt was our number one priority when we got married four-and-a-half years ago,\"; says Krysta Senek. \";When you put your mind to it and work together, you can do it. We used to be $20,000 in debt, and now we've got that down to $2,000.\";