Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

iam married.both of us are doctors i have a child of 2years. i have problem not only with my inlaws but with every thing. when we got marriage proposal my mom did not like the family because she heard they are v.bad regarding money issues. but my dad fought with my mom and even hit her and got memarried to him. before marriage they were very sweet. but from the day i got married they used to talk only money matters, they hardly discussed with me anything. on the day of the wedding my bil spoke to my dad with no respect because they did not like the wedding hall. after marriage my mil always used to compare me with elder daughter in law and always i used to get hurt. onthe day of the wedding, you know people give presents, some put money in a cover and give instead of presents. we usually note down the names and we gift them something more than what they give. these people even took all the money that was gifted. finally i asked my husband to ask his parents atleast to give the list of how much people have gifted for our family. then they came and gave the list. now let me come back to the story, after marriage my father in law kept shouting for silly reasons at me. v.soon i realised that they got their son married to me because we are well off. slowly they demanded not for money. they said ask your dad to find a place for my hubby's clinic. it meant that my dad should pay the advance. they said to my parents that a hospital is coming for sale and we shouldnt miss the chance. everything indirectly. when i told my parents they are illtreating me.they decided not to spend money on them but to save it for me for my future. one day a big fight broke and in the fight my bil spoke v.badly to my dad and he also said that my dad said he willsell one of the property and give the cash to him to build a hospital. my dad said if i get my pg seat then he willallow me and my hubby to use the place to put up a clinic there. but my bil had different plans. this was the reason he was always saying something to my hubby and my hubby always kept complaining about my parents unnecesarily. one fine day i gave it to them properly. they demanded for divorce or they said i should write in a paper that they never asked for money and sign it then only my husband will live with me. i told them i will go to the police and i will never let them live in peace if they demand things like that. our relatives also spoke to them that this was not right. i used to feel bad also because my hubby used to say that his brother's son is vmore important for him than me and even if i give birthto a kid his brother's son willbe more important for him. all this happened when i was a house surgeon [training]. our inlaws and myself stopped talking to each other. after all this when i concieved none of them came to see me.i had trouble during pregnancy. i gave birthto a low birth weight baby. staying so close my mil came after 6 days to see me. a v.formal visit. now things have become better. i said i will not allow my kid to go to their house unless it is absolutely necessary. because i did not get much love from my husband because of his parents. i dont want my kid to get attached to them and more over they never bothered to see me even once when i was pregnant staying in the same town. but still my husband requested. so i have sent him to their house twice. but after all this even now my hubby keeps saying something or the other about my parents. i feel so bad. all this while i have struggled so much to bring up my child along with my parents. my hubby was doing his superspecialisation in madras. so only my parents were supportive. but still he speaks as if my father is some kind of stupid he has spent nearly 2 lakhs just for hospital expenses for my baby. now we are planning to settle in some other city. my dad said he will get every thing necessary for the house like tv, fridgeetc. all because i should live happily. but my husband wants me to tell my dad to give the money in his hands and he will buy it himself but my dad knows , so he wont do that. so my hubby is irritated. so he is passing bad comments about my father to me. iam hurt. please help. augustborn replied. Hi Friend
Your story really shocked me but I was happy to note that you have been standing up for yourself...
1. Moving to another city is a great idea. It would take your husband away from the bad influence of his family.
2. Stop accepting money from your family. You are a highly qualified lady and can manage to buy trivial stuff like fridge and tv on your own. Also, the minute you stop accepting money from your father, your IL's including your husband will get a clear signal that you aren't playing their game anymore...
3. You are a person to whom so many people are dependent on treatment and confidence. How can you instill confidence in then if you yourself are low in that? You cannot afford to let such people ruin your personal and professional life.
4. Once you have moved to the new place, take a stock of your life...have an honest converstaion with your husband. Let him know that you are willing to start life with him afresh with a clean slate and see what his commitment towards you and your child is...
5. Sever all ties with your IL's...Protect your child from such monsters, he deserves a loving and friendly home not schemeing and torturous relatives. If your husband wants to keep relations with his clan, let him...its his choice

Remember you alone can help yourself & stand up for yourself and if every effort on your part fails, then you will have to have enough courage and mettle to walk out of this abusive relationship...
Best of luck...we are all here for you.
ladybird replied. Hi,
I think the situation will get better when you shift to another city..as u said.Because , i strongly believe that his family influences him in many ways..Like asking for money etc.Why don't u wait and see..Dont jump to conclusions like divorce.
You can also seek a counsellor as Ace-Mom says.That will help you decide.
Taking money from your parents is very wrong...and you should stop encouraging that.If he talks bad about ur parents ask him to \";Shut-Up\";..You can't tolerate such nonsense na...
It's good that u shift to another city soon, take up a good job, or start a clinic..and start a colorful life.
Its good that you are not allowing ur son to his parents place.I hope things get better in the coming days. Don't worry...


rachel replied. It seems that your in-laws as well as your husband need to learn that your a wife, and a mother and not some disposable business associate. The fact is that they need you more than you need them. Furthermore, I hope that somehow your in-laws will learn what the true meaning of \";Family\"; is. Ace-mom replied. hey tell me, does this really happen to doctors too? how sick can your husband get? ask him if he has no b*** to get a house on his own for his own family?
if your father is going to provide you with everything? why do you need your husband? Makes no sense. think about it. where is the love here?
1. your husband passes bad comments about your family
2. he isnt concerned about your kid (hardly any help during preg or after)
3. isnt concerned anyhow with your career
4. thinks more of his bro kid than his own(how in the world can someone do that? i mean HOW??)
5. is only money minded when it comes to maintaining relations with your side of teh family.

how can he take money from your father? what justification?

seriously, i think you are in the wrong family. Also a thought comes to me, that your father is helping you coz he insisted on this proposal. but for how long can you burden him with your family life?

get earning. sit up staright and think. Where you want everyone to be. seek a counsellor. husband-wife relations dont thrive well if they just keep talking about 'money from your father'!!
i'd like to hear what vd and augustborn have to say. is it just me being so extreme here or should 'sad and tired' get a new perspective in life?