Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi everyone

I am married and live abroad with my husband. he is the best hubby ever. My mil is also the best. she is kind, considerate and everythinglike my hubby.

on the other habd, my fil and his 2 daughters are of one nature. they have sharp tongues and like to comment on stuff.
My fil is bearable and he is affectionate too so i dont have a problem against him.
the eldest sil and me have barely met for 2 days since our wedding. so thats ok too.
i lived with my inlaws in india after my wedding for 2 months before going abroad and that time the second sil was pregnant and she lived with us too. she made tons of comments on my clothes and said that i am too fat for my age and kept comparing myself to her. She is 32 and slimmer than me. she was very rude to me
I was very hurt but didnt dare open my mouth because i didnt want to upset my inlaws.
But the thing is 2 years have passed and it has grown to a deep hatred and i cant get over it. everytime i look into the mirror, i remember her comments and i feel inadequate. i cant stop thinking about it.
i have fought with my hubby over this and he , being a happy go lucky type, wants me to forget and be nice to her.
i have stopped talking to her or answrering any of her calls.
after 2 years when we met at a family function, i ignored her completely which drove her wild and led to a fight between us. she demanded to know why i was giving her the cold shoulder and i told her everything. i called her rude and harsh.
We came to an agreement( i didnt get any apology) to settle matters between us.
2 days later, she came home and cried and made a big scene and repeated all what i said making me out to be the bad one. she even complained to my parents about me.
all the others started explaining to me the importance off keeping relationships and all that and the scene ended with her being happy.
I am more angry with her than ever and i have resolved to cut her off totally from my life no matter what.
what pains me is that we have a common relative who keeps in touch with her but not with me even though i send her emails she doesnt respond to any of them.
Am i really the bad one? My sil is very well to do, much more than us. the other relative is also very well to do. is this why the relative is shunning me? because she thinks that i am not of her standard.
This relative was so good to me during the family function and spoke so well and gave me her email address and now she doesnt care to say even hi.

I see that more people want to keep in touch with her than with me even though i have not made one nasty comment about anyone, i have alwasy been smiling and courteous and serving to everyone.
She on the other hand is moody and chooses to act on her will .

I just cant forget the insults. it may be stupid of me but i am very sensitive about my body. when i was a child, i was very fat and was teased about it. i used to be very upset even at the age of 3 years. it has had a psychological effect on me.
please tell me where i am going wrong. Swati replied. To all the suffering DIL's:

I ahve been married for 7 years now and have not spent even one day of my married life thinking about the bad influence my MIL & FIL have casted on my marriage. My hubby is quite loving & considerate but its the same story everywhere.

MY ADVISE TO ALL THE SUFFERING DIL's:

1.) Get a job , get urself independent.

2.) Even after marriage never leave contact with anyone from your side of the family , especially your mother.

3.) Never complain bad about your in-laws to your hubby. He will never understand that.

4.) If you don't get mental peace with your in-laws try to pind peace and happiness in something else.

5.) Start investing your time in things that make you happy, independent & strong.

6.) Never be sacred of this useless \";so called\"; Indian Society. Never feel ashamed or feel guilty about anything.

7.) Always remember what goes around comes around, but do you even want to be included in this game of going around and coming around??? Ask yoruself!!!

8.) Ask yourself -- did you get married to this guy because your parents could not further support you?

9.) Ask yourself --- did you get married to be treated like a servant by in-laws, sex & food machine by your husband and laughing stock by your SIL??? Are you no better than this??

10.) If you live alone versus living with this kind of environment, what is better?

Answer these questions to yourself. If you have the courage today to speak the truth to yourself you will be the winner. If you keep indulging yourself in the most harmful thought of \";What will society say tomorrow?\"; have you ever asked yourself , what is your conscience telling you today?

TELL ME... I AM ALSO ONE OF THE TRAPPED FEMALES AND WANT YOUR SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT. I NEED YOU ALL IN THE SAME FASHION AS YOU NEED ME. V1 replied. Dear Friend ,
With my experience I will tell you that
a) you know about your SIL so avoid her .
b) But dont make it very obvious . just meet her and be to the point .
c) Why let her get any importance by fighting or saying anything to her ?
d) If she can disturb you then she has already won .
f) So ignore her !!! But be nice on the face ..... you must be careful how your husband is also feeling . He may also get hurt by all this .
So be careful , confident and Happy . Ignore bad elements of life like SIL .

I must add GOOD that you told her how you feel . That was brave !!