Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

dear Augustborn, VD and all others friends,
mine is a different problem!!
My hubby's aunty (MIL's brother's wife) is too interfering in our family. The background is that she was tortured too much from her MIL (my hubby's grandmother) and my MIL during her initial years of marriage. After all that she had asked my hubby to marry her daughter and he had refused her telling that she is always like a sister to him and he had no intentions of marriage with her (can you imagiine she used to call her bayya and one fine day he should have married her!!!) Anyways, after I got married this aunt told me several times that I am also like her daughter and sort of tried to tell me her past stories and I can say sometimes she gave me suggestions too. I really trusted her and I also started sharing my problems with my MIL to her. To my surprise, she started telling right on my fact that good that she didnt get her daughter married to this house and my daughter is happy elsewhere now.I was totaly shocked in this saddist behaviour and I just stopped telling her anything.
Now she is trying to fill the gap of her past and she is acting extremely nice and good to my MIL. Whenever there is a function in our house, she will take over all the job and make me look like a fool infront of everybody. Earlier my MIL also used to complain about her but now My MIL is tooooo impressed about this aunt and asks her for all the suggestions. I can tell you she can literally control my MIL's mind.

Last week this aunt's only son got married and already my MIL has started praising the new DIL and I am sure this aunt will do everything to make my MIL jealous and take off on me.

Friends, tell me how do I handle this aunt pressure and my insecured & comparing MIL??!!

augustborn replied.
I believe in the maxim 'Pick your battles'. See everything is not worhwhile fighting for. I generally ignore most of the things and pretend either not to understand what was said or show total indifference. But yes, I never let anyone get away with insulting me, my family and taking me for granted.
I am never rude, disrespectful or impolite to my IL's but that doesnot mean that I would take any crap from them. When there is something which displeases me, I say it to them in a polite but firm way. I dont wait for my husband to take up arms for me, I fight my own battles. Afterall, he may or maynot be inclined to correct his parents.

Silence shouldnot be mistaken for dumbness or weakness. vd replied. Hi,

I am always in chorus with august born. You can always think that it is one of the Ekta kapoor's drama unfolding in your family. Enjoy.

Think it is a power struggle in Indian politics. Lalu etc.

Dear SILENCE IS GOLD, if you enjoy. But once in a while, get up and Reply.

Your staying Silent should not mean that you are a coward or lack courage. Speak up when it is wrong specially to you.

Otherwise it is a Bliss. augustborn replied. Dear Friend

It is a common scenario in Indian households wherein as soon as a new DIL comes in the family, other ladies who have an axe of their own to grind(to claim that pound of flesh)try to influence the new bride.
1. Never judge anybody by their behaviour towards someone else. Form your opinions based on their interaction with you.
2. Never confide your issues/problems with relatives of your IL's. They may have their own axe to grind.

Regarding your current problem with your MIL's bhabhi...
1. Why do you bother if she takes over all responsibility...Let her do it and you can relax. If you are bothered about people saying that you are incompetent, then dont cause even if you do everything superbly people will still find fault with you. So let it be...:)
2. When your MIL praises her Bhabhi..you join in the chorus...:)
3. You surely dont need to compete with that aunt's DIL...Let your MIL and her bhabhi play games with each other, afterall they do have a long back dated history :)
Keep yourself away from all this...thats the surest way to a peaceful life.

Watch all this family drama from the sidelines and enjoy!

Cheers!