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Raising Children Topics..

You are here : home > Raising Children > Parental Dilemmas > Parenting Gays

Parenting Gays

Understand that by distancing yourself from your gay child, you are hurting both yourself and your child, deeply.

One of the hardest things for many parents to accept is that their child is gay. This news often comes as a great shock to parents, and they find it hard to cope with the situation. They see their dreams of getting their children married with their own families, and becoming grandparents, shattered. Parents often go into depression when they learn that they have a gay child, and some parents go so far as to cut off ties or to distance themselves from their child.

In the Western societies gays have managed to gain far more acceptance than they have in India, although we are getting there.

Understand that by distancing yourself from your gay child, you are hurting both yourself and your child, deeply.

Why is there still a stigma attached to being gay in India? As a parent, wouldn't you rather your child be gay than be a criminal or a murderer? Being gay is not a crime, as it is a person's own private business. He isn't hurting anyone by being gay, so why should anyone object?

Understand that your gay child may meet with a lot of ridicule both while growing up, and when he is an adult. If you as a parent turn your back on him, you will only be pushing him further away from you and from mainstream society.

Rahul's brother Ravi was gay, and after graduating from college in Delhi, he left for the United States for further studies, and settled down there. However, Rahul's friends never let him forget the fact that his brother was gay and every now and again Rahul would have to hear cracks about his brother, and about how Rahul too must be gay. Similarly, Rahul's father had to endure numerous barbs from people, and his manhood was called into question with regard to the fact that he gave birth to a gay child.

Comments like these are shocking, needlessly cruel and only go to reflect the crude and narrow attitudes of the persons passing such comments. Teach your child to never grow up to be someone who needlessly pokes fun of others, especially when such fun borders on cruelty.

Society can be cruel. If you as a parent show that you are ashamed of your gay child, people will pick up on it and make you feel worse. But if you show pride in your child's achievements and in his happiness, if you never feel the need to get defensive and if you don't try to shy away from the topic, people will soon realize that they will not be able to put you down.

A gay person in India will probably not get married, and may not ever enjoy the security of a family. If his parents too ostracize him, the only place he will find solace in is the gay community. However, if his parents accept his decision and support and stand by him, he will find his strength from them.

Gays have found acceptance and a great degree of respect in the fashion industry in India. They have done exceedingly well for themselves, and have achieved fame and popularity along with tremendous success. However, gays in India still do not find it easy to fit into the corporate world and may feel a need to hide their preferences from their colleagues. Even if your child is not gay, as a parent, teach him not to look down upon someone just because of their personal sexual preferences.

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rupinder singh.8 years ago
good effert if possible give this information in punjabi
Venkatesh.8 years ago
hats off to indiaparenting. this article is really good and very very important. in india, the last thing parents consider about their children is their sexual preference. no words can describe my appreciation to you for bring out this article. when parents arrange a marriage for their son or daughter they should openly talk with them about this. if they find their child is gay, they should be given the freedom to make their choice. it is high time parents thought about this. they need to have a thorough understanding about homosexuality, and they can give proper advice to their children that it is "normal" to be gay. however, it would be necessary to educate them about the risks of reckless sexual behaviour. i dont know if i have put my thoughts properly, but i hope it gives a fair idea !! we would like to see more articles like this on this site.
Nalini.8 years ago
congratulations on your bold step to discuss this topic objectively & explain the gay children's views & feelings. we have a misplaced concept of being 'normal' so we find it difficult to accept differences in people specially if they are our children. please discuss 'lesbianism' in your next article as girls' sexuality is taboo in indian society.
Kaylan.8 years ago
truly horrible that this site does not mention the morality of the issue. being gay is not normal but rather abnormal behavior and should not be accepted as normal. parents certainly should not alienate themselves from their "gay" children but rather should try to help them realize their moral error and help them on the road to recovery. there are many organizations that can assist with this.
this organization helps those who suffer from homosexual behavior to realize that they do not have to continue with this burden or place this burden on their family either.

it is articles like this which only keep families in the dark on this issue.
fagget.8 years ago
men this site blows
Rini.8 years ago
i think this is a great article. i am a bisexual indian american woman, and this is a difficult subject for my family and people from my country. thank you for writing it.
scared.8 years ago
im a 14 year old les and i ahte it i was born this way and can not changei hate being this way and wnat to change but i cant and i really want to go to heaven and i think i will but please some one please halp me change!
to kaylan.8 years ago
oh well f-you! you know we never did choose to be this way, you are maby one of those overly christian dooshes who wanna go around saying "it isnt normal" you dont get it cause you arent like me. i am about 15, and know for sure! could you from straight to homo? no oh also god lets people like me into heaven, those whom believe shalt not parish so go read the bible and pick out the meaning i have studied it for years now i think i know what it says! now go get a life!
Kartik.8 years ago
what can you expect when our own government considers homosexuality a crime? it's high time we changed the laws.
pratigya.8 years ago
yes,it was good artical but no use until and unless our government not take any action for them
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