Listed below are some of the most common reasons women opt to stay on in abusive marriages along with some suggestions on how you can cope. In this articleYou are financially dependent on your husbandYou fear he will never give you a divorceYoure afraid of what may happenYou have childrenYou are afraid of being alone You are financially dependent on your husband If the only reason you are with your husband is because you are financially dependent on him, remember, leaving him will entitle you to alimony and a share in his property. If you are serious about getting out, first, get a job. Once you have an income, you can walk out of the house at any time. You can then file for a divorce and demand alimony. You fear he will never give you a divorce If you fear your husband may never give you a divorce, start collecting proof of your husbands abuse. The best way to do this is through email. If your in-laws have mistreated you, instead of calling your husband and complaining, send him an email. You will have his response in writing. Similarly, start communicating with your in-laws by email. In this manner you can build up proof of your abuse and when you file for divorce, your husbands lawyer too will advise him to give it once he sees the proof you have against him. Youre afraid of what may happen If married abroad, familiarise yourself with the laws of the country you are in. In the US for example, the day your get married, you and your husband are 50% owners in your husbands house. If your husbands parents names are mentioned in the house papers, they may own it jointly too, but as long as the house is wholly or partially in your husbands name, you own a share equal to that of your husband. Thus although he may threaten to throw you out if you misbehave, he cannot do so. And if he does throw you out, call 911 for assistance. They will guide you, and will help you file for maintenance. No matter what happens, you will not end up starving on the streets. You have children Having children should not be a barrier to getting you to leave him. It is healthier for you to raise the children on your own as a single parent than it is to subject them to regular fights. Witnessing violence at home can cause untold damage to a childs personality. You are afraid of being alone First, find support through friends and online communities. One way you can combat this fear of being alone is by building a social support network. Join a class, take up a job or start a new activity. Seek out like-minded people. You cannot imagine being divorced - anything is better than that You dont have to get a divorce if you dont want one. Go in for a separation, which keeps the option of returning open. Walk out with your children, hire a good lawyer and demand that he pay maintenance, including rent for the apartment you are staying in. Once your husband lives without you, he will see the value you bring to his life and will get a sense of how much you do for him. Making payments to you will also pinch. Also, sub-consciously your husband will develop respect for you. Chances for reconciliation do exist, and many a woman who has walked out has walked back into a happier marriage.
Listed below are some of the most common reasons women opt to stay on in abusive marriages along with some suggestions on how you can cope.
If the only reason you are with your husband is because you are financially dependent on him, remember, leaving him will entitle you to alimony and a share in his property. If you are serious about getting out, first, get a job. Once you have an income, you can walk out of the house at any time. You can then file for a divorce and demand alimony.
You fear he will never give you a divorce
If you fear your husband may never give you a divorce, start collecting proof of your husband's abuse. The best way to do this is through email. If your in-laws have mistreated you, instead of calling your husband and complaining, send him an email. You will have his response in writing. Similarly, start communicating with your in-laws by email. In this manner you can build up proof of your abuse and when you file for divorce, your husband's lawyer too will advise him to give it once he sees the proof you have against him.
You're afraid of what may happen
If married abroad, familiarise yourself with the laws of the country you are in. In the US for example, the day your get married, you and your husband are 50% owners in your husband's house. If your husband's parent's names are mentioned in the house papers, they may own it jointly too, but as long as the house is wholly or partially in your husband's name, you own a share equal to that of your husband. Thus although he may threaten to throw you out if you 'misbehave', he cannot do so. And if he does throw you out, call 911 for assistance. They will guide you, and will help you file for maintenance. No matter what happens, you will not end up starving on the streets.
You have children
Having children should not be a barrier to getting you to leave him. It is healthier for you to raise the children on your own as a single parent than it is to subject them to regular fights. Witnessing violence at home can cause untold damage to a child's personality.
You are afraid of being alone
First, find support through friends and online communities. One way you can combat this fear of being alone is by building a social support network. Join a class, take up a job or start a new activity. Seek out like-minded people. You cannot imagine being divorced - anything is better than that You don't have to get a divorce if you don't want one. Go in for a separation, which keeps the option of returning open. Walk out with your children, hire a good lawyer and demand that he pay maintenance, including rent for the apartment you are staying in. Once your husband lives without you, he will see the value you bring to his life and will get a sense of how much you do for him. Making payments to you will also pinch. Also, sub-consciously your husband will develop respect for you. Chances for reconciliation do exist, and many a woman who has walked out has walked back into a happier marriage.
Sorry. Due to our site's regulations and policies, your message has not been posted. Our moderating team has been notified about your message. If the message is found to be genuine and still did not get posted, you may not post the message again as it will automatically get posted for you within 24hrs time (excluding weekends).
- The Indiaparenting Team
Women, when you do not want your husband, why you need his property. You should not depend on husband's property. He is not getting that free of cost. Or govt, law not provided any free ATM machine for men.
You take your share from your parents. Why you are not doing that.
Hi, it is very well written but I have a question. If a women is illiterate, cannot find a job then how can she live alone? Also I am more curious to know about how our ancestors did? In olden times also women were abused by in-laws then how they used to manage everything?
Dear Chinnama,
I dont really understand what u are afraid of.Iam like u ,in a 5yr marriage no kids living in usa and want to get out of it,the only thing thats stopping me is iam financially dependent on him,iam looking for a job now so when i get a job i can move out.u hav a job too so utilize it and move out,get help from good friends,u can even relocate within usa or India if u want by attending interviews from other states,surely ur parents will support u,iam only daughter too,i want to tell this to my parents once i get a job so that they arent afraid of my future,dont worry u will surely find someone better in ur future,so many of my friends are better after being bold and leaving their abusive marriage,and many of my friends who had stayed in such marriage for 10yrs with kids cannot move out now and their husbands are still abusive,so be bold and act now ,dont waste ur time,plan for leaving ,discuss with ur single female colleagues and friends for a place u can share and rent.it will be safe that way too.u can hav a happy life later if u are bold and courageous now,so act soon
how do i ensure if i come out of marriage my baby will be with me and he wont take her. bcos i cannot leave without my baby. wht r the chances in case of a broken marriage the baby stays with her mother. my baby is 7 mnths old....
hi,iam also facing the same prob which u had given in the article.it is been ages since iam combating with him .he is abusing for money wants me to do evrything before he could ,he compares with other women who r working in his office .my kids r quite grown up not giving respect esp boy.iam trying for a job ,if iam tru withit i want to seperate .it is like hell u do whatever possible for them ,no satisfaction.this article is really helpful.
preference is always given to the mother. mothers almost always get custody unless the father can prove in court that you are unfit. if you are an alcoholic for example, or if you take drugs and so on, you may not be given custody. but other than that, you will be given custody of your child. the court favours the mother. in any case, such a young baby will always be given to the mother. it doesn't matter if you don't have a job - your husband will have to pay alimony.
