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Women's Issues Topics..

 
You are here : home > Women's Issues > General Issues > Saas Bahu

Saas Bahu

Saas Bahu

When there is a clash between the 'saas' and 'bahu,' the husband often takes his mother's side. Why is this so?

If two of your friends had a fight, what would you do? Unless you are in high school, you will not fight with someone just because a friend of yours had a fight with him or her. You would either stay out of the picture, or would try and mediate a reconciliation.
Some men adopt this policy at home as well, and prefer staying out of squabbles between the mother and daughter-in-law. But many men get into the thick of things, and try playing judge or placing the blame - and all too often the blame falls on the wife.

Complaints

If your mother comes to you and complains about the behaviour of your wife, that in itself should be a sign that she is trying to create trouble between the two of you. If she is upset by something your wife said, she should speak about it to your wife directly, and they should clear it out amongst themselves. If she still wants you to know about it, let her speak to you in front of your wife and not behind her back. Do not react until you have given your wife a chance to present her side of the story.

Privacy

Never, ever fight with your wife in front of your mother. It will only double her hurt. If you feel your wife was harsh with your mother for whatever reason, speak to her about it in private, and keep an open mind to listen to her point of view. Speak to her as a friend would, without blaming her. Remember, your wife is not a goddess or a saint. Yes, she does have flaws, and so does your mother. It is hard enough to adjust to each other as a couple, and expecting her to adjust to your parents as well, on a permanent basis, is bound to be very hard on her.

Interference

If you and your wife were still living with your parents, they do have a say in how the home is run. But if you have moved out of your parent's home and they come and live with you, they have no business telling your wife how to run her home. They should give suggestions only when their suggestions are solicited, and not otherwise.

Taking Sides

If your mother has said something to your wife that has upset her, don't take it lightly. Just because you see nothing demeaning in it, doesn't mean your wife doesn't either. If she is upset, it shouldn't have been said. This doesn't mean you go back and fight with your mother, but you should definitely see things from your wife's point of view and be more understanding. Most husbands would probably defend their mothers and try and get their wives to see their mother's point of view. That's definitely the wrong course of action to take. Not only does your husband realize that your mother has stepped out of line, but he still expects you to be more understanding. "She meant well." It Doesn't Matter! All interference can be couched under the guise of meaning well. Don't brush your wife's feelings aside. If you want peace in the house, tell your mother not to interfere. After all, does your wife keep telling your mother how she should be doing things?



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simran
simran.7 years ago
my inlaw create problem my marriage life,her only love to money,my husband support your parents and not listening me,fight with me,i am never lie,my inlaw everytime telling a lie with my husband but my husband believe her,my mind is very disturb plz help
 
 
 
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anonymous
anonymous.7 years ago
My mother in law is very hard to please and keeps nagging me all the time. She tells me that I have to get rid of my maid and that I have to do all my housework by myself. She also is bringing up issues between my maid and me. She is trying her best to get rid of my maid. It is very hard to get a maid nowadays. Please advise me as to how I can tell my mother in law to mind her business.
 
 
 
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Anonymous
Anonymous.7 years ago
The Author is out-of-date with current realities. His is a highly biased advice. He has not come across Bahus who think that they are always right. The Article does not deal with how to handle a hot- headed self-centred wife "me, my parents, my husband, my children, my house' syndrome. Today's bahus are not that simple. The saas bahu relationship has completely turned upside down. Otherwise why new legislations are coming in favour of senior citizens
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sonu
sonu.8 years ago
is link ko open kro ek website khulegi jaha pr ek cute se ladke ki pic ayegi vaha pr like ka option aata hai plz usse like krke vote do usse jeetana hai help me frndz
ye USA m hai or iska jeetna jaruri hai
or apne frndz se bhi like krva plz

http://www.parentingnation.in/baby-photo-contest-india/Babyname_Adhiraj_Sharma_28691
 
 
 
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Anonymous
Anonymous.8 years ago
After reading all the comments all i want to say is that life is too short to be worrying about petty issues.......golden moments in life are very less and we should should enjoy them to the fullest given the fact that majority of life;s moments are gloom.........My advice to every husband is that stay away from the fight of saas and a bahu......remember we are seperated by a big gap called the generation gap......neither your wife is wrong and neither your mother.......if you have to interfere then make sure that who soever id at fault does not received your comments in front of the latter...if your wife is wrong...tell her in private......if your mother is then replicate the same action.......do not be judgemental about either of them......and never take sides.......if you do take sides the latter will be double hurt...be it your mum or your wife......remember if there's a 3's company in a quarrel.....one will always be outnumbered......For women i advice that......you cannot change your MIL.......she's been like that for many years.....i dun want the women to change either.......just be a litle tectful......dun drag your husband in everything......remember....he works outside and earns....he could be having job blues as well and when he returns home he wants peace and not issues with MIL.......if he starts taking part in quarrels at home.......dun blame him for his loss of health......Blood pressure...strokes and heart attacks are common these days.....job stress is very disturbing and if stress at home prevails......you could expect the worse.......be tactful in keeping your point of view in front of your MIL........if you dun like something your MIL does......there are beter ways of communicating the same to her.....and you would be surprised that it does not invoke any quarerl.......difference happens only when the " EGO" comes in........get rid of your ego......and you will know that it was all sooooo easy.......life is beautiful and for women who feel like comitting suicide.....dun waste it......BE TACTFUL......Not all the MIL's in the world are wrong
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.8 years ago
After reading all the comments all i want to say is that life is too short to be worrying about petty issues.......golden moments in life are very less and we should should enjoy them to the fullest given the fact that majority of life;s moments are gloom.........My advice to every husband is that stay away from the fight of saas and a bahu......remember we are seperated by a big gap called the generation gap......neither your wife is wrong and neither your mother.......if you have to interfere then make sure that who soever is at fault does not receive your comments in front of the latter...if your wife is wrong...tell her in private......if your mother is, then replicate the same action.......do not be judgmental about either of them......and never take sides.......if you do take sides the latter will be double hurt...be it your mum or your wife......remember if there's a 3's company in a quarrel.....one will always be outnumbered......For women i advice that......you cannot change your MIL.......she's been like that for many years.....i dun want the women to change either.......just be a litle tactful......dun drag your husband in everything......remember....he works outside and earns....he could be having job blues as well and when he returns home he wants peace and not issues with MIL.......if he starts taking part in quarrels at home.......dun blame him for his loss of health......Blood pressure...strokes and heart attacks are common these days.....job stress is very disturbing and if stress at home prevails......you could expect the worse.......be tactful in keeping your point of view in front of your MIL........if you dun like something your MIL does......there are better ways of communicating the same to her.....and you would be surprised that it does not invoke any quarrel.......difference happens only when the " EGO" comes in........get rid of your ego......and you will know that it was all sooooo easy.......life is beautiful and for women who feel like comitting suicide.....dun waste it......BE TACTFUL......Not all the MIL's in the world are wrong...INTRPSPECT your self as well.......it could be a revelation for you......And my Advice to Ms USA is that Kicking butts is no solution......you dun now the future and the way the generation is growing...who knows some Miss Future USA could suggest of kicking your butt......would you want that to happen......??? of course not.......Am sure that you must love your blood mother........and if you have a brother and he encounters the same problem which in this case is quarrels between MIL's and DIL......will you feel happy if your “ Bhabi” kicks your mother's butt ?????????

Find a soultion....mutually rather than getting aggressive girl....... you say kicking butts ??????? its because of immatured people like you that these issues never get sorted and realization of faults only occurs after you loose a dear one....in this case....it could be your husband coz of mental tension or your MIL........that will make you happy....right ?????
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Anonymous
Anonymous.8 years ago
After reading all the comments all i want to say is that life is too short to be worrying about petty issues.......golden moments in life are very less and we should should enjoy them to the fullest given the fact that majority of life;s moments are gloom.........My advice to every husband is that stay away from the fight of saas and a bahu......remember we are seperated by a big gap called the generation gap......neither your wife is wrong and neither your mother.......if you have to interfere then make sure that who soever id at fault does not received your comments in front of the latter...if your wife is wrong...tell her in private......if your mother is then replicate the same action.......do not be judgemental about either of them......and never take sides.......if you do take sides the latter will be double hurt...be it your mum or your wife......remember if there's a 3's company in a quarrel.....one will always be outnumbered......For women i advice that......you cannot change your MIL.......she's been like that for many years.....i dun want the women to change either.......just be a litle tectful......dun drag your husband in everything......remember....he works outside and earns....he could be having job blues as well and when he returns home he wants peace and not issues with MIL.......if he starts taking part in quarrels at home.......dun blame him for his loss of health......Blood pressure...strokes and heart attacks are common these days.....job stress is very disturbing and if stress at home prevails......you could expect the worse.......be tactful in keeping your point of view in front of your MIL........if you dun like something your MIL does......there are beter ways of communicating the same to her.....and you would be surprised that it does not invoke any quarerl.......difference happens only when the " EGO" comes in........get rid of your ego......and you will know that it was all sooooo easy.......life is beautiful and for women who feel like comitting suicide.....dun waste it......BE TACTFUL......Not all the MIL's in the world are wrong
 
 
 
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Rabia
Rabia.8 years ago
my husb
 
 
 
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sameera
sameera.10 years ago
i have been married for over a year now.. it was a love marriage. my in laws are fine but they are too miser and i just cant take that.i grew up without a mom or any love and its natural i seemed to have expected a bit of love here which i know now is not possible. But i never had to fight for small things. By Gods grace i lead a luxurious life but without the love of a family.My husband is supportive of me but he cant do much cos we are totally dependent on my in laws(financially)as he recently started working. i don't expect them to pamper me. they are both earning and have no responsibilities and dont spend at all. i know its bad to talk like this but i feel depressed cos i cant talk about this with anyone.Saddest part is my father is not loving at all and i have a grandmother and a younger sister who keep fighting with each other n call me every time they have a rift. its quite depressing n i feel real low. i am even trying to conceive since a year. i guess its stress. What do i do?
 
 
 
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Rashi
Rashi.11 years ago
I feel so sad to admit that mils do ruin the lives of their dils to an extent that hatred becomes inevitable. c'mon, we r no goddesses. and we don't forgive them for that ! my mom in law interfered in my day to day activity, whether it was cooking, washing or cleaning.... my needs were dictated by her... i had no breathing space. and my husband could never stand up for me despite understanding the situation... the scar is so deep , i dont even forgive my husband for all the wrongs done to me by his mom while he stood a deaf and dumb to my miseries....
 
 
 
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