The dictionary defines helpfulness as the quality of a person to be helpful towards others. It is an attitude one develops within themselves to try and help others, to be as facilitating towards others as they can be.
What encompasses helpful behaviour? Well, any behaviour or action done by you with the intention of making something easier for someone else is considered to be helpful. In social psychology, Helpfulness is considered to be a collection of behaviours that include the likeliness of assisting someone struggling with a task after observing such a scenario, or being friendly and kind which encourages people to feel comfortable in asking you for help. So, even a gentle demeanour and friendly disposition counts as helpful behaviour even if you are not actively helping someone. Speaking from personal experience, in new environments or situations where I don’t know anyone, someone being kind towards me in the way they interact with me or even just smile, or taking the first step and approaching me to introduce themselves or asking for mine is a massive help in reducing my nervousness and helping me ease into the event.
Any action, big or small, which results in someone not having to be worried or being anxious, is a help. From a smile you might throw towards a stranger while crossing the street, to helping your friend move when they have to, it all comes down to your intention and conviction to carry out that intention to its fruition by executing it, that helps.
Bottom line is, Helpfulness is being of service to someone. When you do things that are useful and that make a difference in the lives of others, you are being helpful. Helpfulness can be doing something that others may not be able to do for themselves, but it could also mean doing the things they don’t have the time to do(like walking the neighbour’s dog because they are too busy meeting a work deadline, or looking over your friend’s children so they can relax for the weekend and catch a break), or just little things that make life easier for them (grab a cup of coffee for your co-worker because you know they have been tiring themselves out for a project or holding the elevator door open for someone who is rushing to catch it so they don’t have to wait for the next one).
But we also need to understand that helpfulness is not always doing what other people want. That is just being a people-pleaser. People might even think of you as a push-over if you simply do anything and everything anyone expects of you. What people think aside, it will also take a toll on you and exhaust you. What people want can also be not what is right for the situation, or even detrimental for them. Helpfulness is giving people what is necessary for them, not always what they want. But even that is something tricky because we can’t make their decisions for them, right? So the best way you can help in a situation like that is to give them your honest opinion and leave it up to them which way they go.
And quite possibly the most important part of what being helpful entails is being helpful towards yourself. You will find it very difficult to help others if you don’t help yourself, or if you don’t have all your needs taken care of. You can be of help yourself by ensuring that you have what you need. You have to take care of yourself, take care of your body by eating healthy and good food, hydrate yourself, exercising to keep yourself fit and healthy and get the sleep and rest your body requires. Take care of your mind, read often, expand your knowledge, take time to introspect, meditate and journal, know when to de-stress and relax, and strategies to re-orient yourself. A healthy mind contributes to a healthy person.
Why be helpful? What are the reasons one should be helpful? Why should a person go beyond their own necessities, and think beyond managing and living their own life to be helpful?
The most basic of the reasons one should be helpful is that people often need help to meet their own basic needs or to get things done that are necessary. We might often find ourselves in that situation, and in such cases, we would appreciate getting such help. And if we would like that, then we know how much someone would appreciate our help too. Society is dependent on such give and take to form bonds, and we are beings that thrive on socialisation by nature, being a part of the society is important to us. Other than the need to belong, there are many things that take the efforts of more than one person, which can be achieved or overcome only through collective effort. There will always be things we will need to depend on other people for, and we can only expect them to help. Being on the other end as well, we then have a responsibility to help others as well, contribute towards causes that are greater than us. If people don’t practice helpfulness, there will be no cooperation which will lead to a lot of tussles and disharmony.
We all need help at some point or the other, be it with learning something new when we are confused or have questions and we need someone to teach us, or we are trying to do something tricky and someone with more knowledge and experience in the field can help make it easier or less time-consuming or may know a more efficient way to complete it. Sometimes we may just need another “mind’, two heads are better than one as they say. Sometimes you may need someone to bounce ideas off of, or someone who can refine your ideas to be more sensible, polished and tied-up. There is a reason a lot of companies and organisations encourage group brainstorming sessions, it is because they work. Sometimes someone may have an idea that is hard to execute but you can figure out a way to tweak it and make it easier to execute, another time you may have an idea that is in the right direction but not yet there, and that can inspire an idea in someone else that might actually work.
We might also need someone else’s strength, help in something physical. Imagine you have a sofa that you are trying to shift from your old house to a new one, and you alone can’t move it, obviously. It may be heavy for one person, but if you invite one or two friends, you will realise that you all together can get the task done in no time. Sports games! They are the best examples of how collective efforts can sometimes be a better route than individual efforts or may even lead to better results.
Sports games are also good metaphors for life as well. Life can get very tough at times, and even if we are self-reliant, self-sufficient, the burden can get a little too heavy to bear alone sometimes. In times like those, we can rely on our family and friends to give us a shoulder to lean on. Of course, they may not be able to fix the situation, or even find a solution, but they can be there to support us, listen to us, assure and comfort us. That is helpful too. For all these reasons and more, helpful people are necessary. Helpful individuals are needed and always welcome. So why not be one too? Why not try to give back a little of what we give?
Practising helpfulness, giving and providing whenever we can, in whichever way we can, is a way of showing others we care, of showing them that we value their presence. It helps us make each other’s lives easier, which is the least we can do as neighbours in existence.
Cooperation is the best, smoothest and easiest way to get things done. This means when people come together to help one another work towards one common goal, great things can be achieved together.
How do we be helpful? What can we do to emulate helpfulness in our behaviour?
It is easier than it may seem.
You can start practising helpfulness by noticing what people need, by observing the people around you and understand what they could need help with or if there is any situation they are facing that you are equipped to help with. Look for and learn to identify opportunities where you can do a service for someone in your friend circle or people in your family, maybe even a distant relative or even someone you don’t know, a complete stranger. It may seem intimidating, sure. It may even feel awkward, to approach someone you don’t know and ask if they need help, but that is because we may not realise they have a stranger approach them as well, and it may be a little awkward for them as well. But they will still appreciate your help, they will appreciate that something they were finding difficult will now be easier, all thanks to your consideration. When you are intent on practising helpfulness, don’t wait for people to ask you for your help as there are a host of reasons why they may be reluctant to do so. So try your best to anticipate what they may need, try to notice what they need and just do it.
Sometimes it won’t be hard to figure out as well! If you are sitting in on a meeting and before it starts you find the person sitting next to you frantically looking for something by looking into the file they were holding and their pocket, and you realise they don’t have any writing instrument on them, there are no pens or pencils in sight. You can probably guess that they have either missed or misplaced their pen. If something like this occurs, you can either offer your pen if you don’t think you will need to take notes, or you could offer an extra pen you have. If not, you can just ask someone else if they do. This is just an example, but the point is we are a lot better at reading situations than we give ourselves credit for, and if you pay just a little bit of attention, you will quickly realise what are the things people do that will clue you in on what they might be looking for and how you can help.
Even if you are not someone who is specifically adept at reading social situations, which is completely fine, you can simply ask! If you find it hard to figure out what someone needs, simply ask them if there is something you can help with, or that you would like to help them and you are wondering how you should go about it. They will appreciate you asking to help them, but they will also appreciate you asking instead of assuming and respecting their boundaries.
People, including you and me, need help with all kinds of things. Like mentioned previously as well, sometimes people may need physical help, such as helping your neighbour carry in their groceries from their car if you meet them downstairs, or helping the host set the table when they have invited you for dinner, or even help your parents in cleaning the house and tidy up the place.
People sometimes also need emotional help, and always try your best to be there for the people close to you. Your friend might need a hug after a bad day, your mother wants a hug to remind her you still love her and cherish her, your spouse might need a hug to remind them you are there for them. Sometimes the best help you can give another person in the world is a listening ear. Go on, ask that classmate or coworker you have seen stressed lately, if they want to talk about what is bothering them or if they want to rant about how much your boss or professor is overworking them.
There is a caveat to this too. When someone asks you for help, you have an important responsibility to decide if what they ask is really good for them. If not, it is more helpful to not do it. As long as your intention is to help, you will end up doing just that.
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