Every person lives in pursuit of being a better person. Well, hopefully, every person. That is the key to a better future, a better society, and a better us. And while everyone may not be looking to better themselves, we can. Each person matters and the change each person brings about in themselves also matters.
When you improve yourself. You are the first in a sequence of changes that bring about a better world. When you improve something in yourself, you are not only being a better person, but you are also inspiring those around you to be a better person. Humans are social beings, we absorb most of our behaviour and way of thinking from what we observe and experience in and from others. If we take the attribute of kindness for example - when you make an active decision to be kinder every day, and you are able to successfully translate that into kind behaviour and kind actions towards others, maybe your friend will see that and be inspired to be kind to others too. Even people who may not be emotionally close to you may be inspired, say a classmate or a co-worker could observe your kindness, be impressed by it and mimic it into their own lifestyle. This should be the driving force behind our actions. To do good and inspire good.
One of the most important and easily doable positive attributes is being helpful. It is more of an attitude that manifests itself into an attribute and behaviour. There is a difference between a helpful act and a helpful attitude, though both are good and necessary for general betterment. A helpful act is just that, an action that comes positively from within you towards another person with the intent of helping them. A helpful attitude, on the other hand, is unbiased and an outlook that appraises everyone deserving of help, especially of your help if you can.
How do we develop a helpful attitude? By turning it into a habit, by nudging it to the forefront of our brain. Try to be kind and helpful to others in any way you can. It doesn’t always have to be the big things, it doesn’t have to be grand - simple acts of helpfulness will put you in the momentum of developing a helpful attitude. Maybe hold the door open for a few more seconds after you have crossed the door for someone behind you, help pick up something someone might have dropped, help keep the elevator door open if you see someone trying to catch it etc… other than that, here are some ways you can be helpful in your everyday life-
1. Observe for opportunities.
A helpful attitude involves being alert and looking around and identify who needs help or assistance. When you actively focus on others and can see a situation they might need help in or you can be oh help, you can step in and help them out. It might be awkward or even a little tiring at first, when you are constantly reminding yourself to be aware and cautious, but the more you do it, the more it will become second nature to you. Soon, you won’t even have to be looking out, opportunities, where you can help, will present themself to you. Your brain will get quicker at assessing situations and regarding the possibility of your help being necessary. Helping others also makes sure the collective you are a part of also succeeds, you are likely to pick up such positive much quicker.
2. Say yes whenever you can.
Sometimes you don’t even have to actively look out if someone needs your help, sometimes someone might ask you for help. In such cases, try your best to help them within your capabilities. Some people find it easy to ask for help, some people really struggle to ask for help. We never know which kind the person who has approached us for help is, except for some exceptions, and if it is something we can help them with it, we should.
3. Ask and be intentional in your help.
While it is nice to have your needs anticipated and fulfilled before you have to ask for them, it can be invasive of people’s boundaries as well. Sometimes some might feel hesitant to ask for help, it would be better if we take the first step and ask them if they need help. It is also important to be respectful when asking someone if they need help. Asking if someone needs help can very easily be misunderstood as coming from a place of condescension, that is why it is especially crucial to make sure it is done with tact so it does not come across as mocking or mean. And once you have asked someone if they need help, respectfully and without having them be offended, be sure to come through with it. Don’t help people for the sake of it, but actually be intentional and deliberate in the way you extend your help to them, ensure you actually improve the situation for them in whatever way you can within your means.
4. Set Ideals.
Everything we do in life, having a plan or a clear direction always helps. Similarly, if we want to develop an attitude to help others and be helpful to the people, having a direction would only help. We have more than enough inspiration around us, there are kind and helpful people everywhere. Try and observe such people and absorb what you can from their behaviour and approach to the world around them, and if you don’t want to set people as your ideals, you can have a rundown of behaviours and attributes you think can be helpful to people and try to incorporate them into your behaviour.
Another thing that might help in setting a direction, to give you a start, would be to introspect. Think about the times someone was helpful towards you, helped you out in a way you were grateful for, and try to pay it forward, try to be that someone for others. While you are at it, also think of situations where you may have needed help but could not get it. Maybe because you were too shy to ask, maybe it was not possible. But try to identify such situations for others, and be the help you didn’t get. Once you have an idea of what you want to do, things definitely get easier.
5. Time is help too.
The best way to show your willingness to help someone is to give them your time. Time is a precious commodity, once gone is gone. Hence, it is that much more meaningful when you are ready to give someone something that you cannot make more of. When we give our time and attention to someone, especially without any expectations of return or reciprocation, what we are telling them is that we value them and their presence in our lives. And time is priceless to us, it is precious as well as the only thing we can give someone in need without it costing us a penny.
Set some time aside in your day, again - it doesn’t have to be much. Use this time to try and help others. Help out your coworker wrap up after a tough day at work, take a minute to help the elderly cross the street, maybe help out your neighbour with something you can help with. Take some time and help your parents run errands or help around the house. Help every time you can.
6. Empathy helps.
The quickest way to be more helpful in general is to start by trying to understand the predicament of those around you. It is very easy to get so focused on what we have to do, that we often forget to try and understand how others involved in the same situation are feeling. Take this covid situation, for example, the pandemic affected everyone and everyone had to seriously reconsider a lot of things in their life. Which is understandable. But there were also many who chose to try their best to help those in situations worse than theirs, while also dealing with their own fair share of problems. They chose to practice empathy at this point, they chose to go above and beyond their very human instincts of securing the situation for themselves first and tried to be helpful to those who might not have had the same privileges they did. That was them being helpful. So once we understand and practise empathy, it will become easier for us to become more helpful too.
7. Build relationships and bonds.
Developing interpersonal relationships with the people around you will build trust and openness, making them less hesitant and more likely to ask for your help. Spend some time of your day getting to know the people around you, the people you want comfortable asking you for help - ask them open-ended questions and conversation-starters that give you a good idea of what kind of a person they are, what are their priorities and what kind of thing you could possibly help them with. You will very quickly realise which of the various ways you can be of help to them or provide them with a resource that may be of their use.
There are two of the ways people usually ask for a favour or help to make it more likely they actually get it. Foot-in-the-door and door-in-the-face technique. The foot in the door technique involves asking for a small favour first and a bigger favour later. When someone helps with the first favour they are more likely to agree to help with the bigger thing too and they may feel committed to help you or may feel hesitant to say no after saying yes for the first time. Door in the face involves asking for a big favour first and a smaller favour later, they are more likely to say yes to the smaller favour if they said no to the bigger one. While these techniques are good to get someone to agree to help you out, there is also a technique - or rather, a trick - to get someone to feel comfortable to ask you for help too. Ask them for a very small favour, one that is of no trouble to them but still makes them feel like they helped you. They are much more likely to ask you for your help if they need it after that, as this helps both build mutual trust and make them feel like you are less likely to reject their plea for help.
8. Pay attention to what people say in conversation
When you take the time to truly listen and pay attention to the other pardon’s end of the conversation, it not only changes the conversation but will also help you read between the lines, and better understand some of the things that may not say explicitly. Like the point we made with empathy, sometimes we get so wound up in what we want to say and the point we are trying to get across, that we miss out on the feedback we are getting from them, the feedback that will inform us what they expect of us albeit subtly. Actively taking the time to listen also helps strengthen your relationship with them, as they feel acknowledged, heard and understood when you make it clear their words are important to you.
9. Ask people what is truly helpful to them.
Asking the people around you that you may have helped in the past for simple feedback will go a long way towards helping you be a more helpful person. Keep in mind though, this is better applied in your professional life than personal. Asking for feedback about your helpfulness can come across as unnecessary and tacky with friends and family. But in your professional space, it will give you a good baseline to work and improve how helpful you are. As tactfully as you can, ask people if something you did helped them.
10. Maintain a Journal
Journaling is an excellent way to develop and track new habits across various aspects of our lives. This might seem too elaborate and pretentious, but it will help you track your progress as well as be a nice reminder to you about all the times you have been helpful to people. It will also give you ideas on how you can help others. It is also a good way to note down things you observe that may facilitate helping someone in the future.
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- The Indiaparenting Team
