Friendships are an important part of one’s life. Our friends make up a good part of our support system. But friendships evolve to this support system only when they are built on a robust foundation, and are friendships that last long enough for us to feel comfortable for leaning upon them. Ideally, friendships that last a lifetime are what we chase. These are the kind of friendships that truly add value to our lives and make our experience in this world one that is worthwhile. But they are hard to come by. Such friendships are as rare as they are important. However, nothing is impossible, is it? Especially when there is a will (there is a way!). There are ways in which we can cultivate friendships that last a lifetime, efforts we can undertake to strengthen and deepen our friendships.
Here are a few tips to make the friendships in our life, last a lifetime-
1. MORE TIME TOGETHER
The more time you spend with your friends, the more opportunities you have to truly understand each other, learn the small things about them, learn what makes them tick, learn what makes them happy, what makes them angry, and what their opinions and outlook are. The more time you spend on and with them, in physical proximity with them, the more you will realise the things that are similar to each other. Even without physical presence, try to spend time with each other in other ways. Call them up, or text them! It doesn’t even have to be actively spending time with each other. If they recommended a book to you, take the time to read it and understand why they may have liked it, or what they may have identified with it, or why they may have recommended it to you. If they say there is a movie they like or a certain kind of music/band/artist they like, it is a good way to understanding the kind of person they are. Spending more time together will strengthen the understanding of each other, and in turn the understanding you have for each other as well.
2. SUPPORTIVE TOWARDS EACH OTHER
The best way to support the friendship is to support the friend. That sentence may not have made a lot of sense, but being supportive towards your friend does. Try your best to support your close friends in all their endeavours and decisions. Being a responsible adult is hard, and it involves doing a lot of things that we are not sure of or are afraid of going wrong, but knowing our friends have our back can ease a lot of that stress and anxiety. This is what happens when you support your friends, they are less likely to spiral if they know they have your support. They will be thankful to have your support, they will know that you are a person who is reliable. They will trust your friendship and you more, be comfortable around you and be beside you for a long time.
3. RESOLVE DISAGREEMENTS
When we come to loggerheads with our friends, it can be awkward to resolve it. We might think we are right to hold the opinions that we do, and they might feel the same about the opinions they hold. And the thing is, in some situations, both of you may be right despite holding a completely opposing view. And it may a steep journey to keep our pride or embarrassment aside to resolve conflict, but learning to do that not only resolves the tension and strengthens your friendship, but also makes it that much easier to resolve conflicts in the future as well because you know you both understand each other despite individual differences. Keep in mind, resolving disagreements becomes a lot easier when you respect each other and understand that even if their opinion differs from yours, they have as much a right to uphold it as you do yours. And if the disagreement is something that does not sit right with one of your core principles and it is essential to you that they understand your side of it, make sure to present it in a way that is respectful to them and not provocative.
4. READ BETWEEN THE LINES
Once you have spent a long time with your friend, or intend to be friends with them for a long time, you learn to pick up on their habits. It almost always happens subconsciously, but if you are not a particularly observant person (which is fine! Most of us aren’t!), try to pay attention. Because oftentimes, what people hesitate to say in words, they express in body language and actions. If you are observant enough or pay enough attention, you will realise you are so attuned to them after a point of time that you can’t tell what they are thinking from simple behaviours. Sometimes you will both only need to share a look between yourselves to know what the other is thinking, which is especially useful in situations where others are present and you need to communicate something that may be impolite to talk about in front of others. Another way this can be helpful is that you can immediately tell when they are in an uncomfortable situation, and immediately redirect the conversation to something else. They would be grateful, and they would do the same for you.
5. SEEK NEW EXPERIENCES
After knowing a person for a long enough time, you realise that you know them very well, and after a point of time you may feel you already know everything there is to know about them (which is unlikely because people are dynamic and are always changing, so while you may be familiar with a lot of things about them, it is impossible to know everything about someone), it may be a good idea to seek out new things to experience with them. It could be things that neither of you has done before, or things one of you can help ease the other into. There may have been things both of you were too hesitant to try but having company makes you feel more secure in trying, such as going through a haunted house amusement attraction or riding a Ferris wheel. On the other hand, there might be experiences that one of you have tried and would love to involve the other in, like karaoke nights or trivia quizzes. It is a good way to bond over a shared activity, and you can add to the list of your experiences.
6. MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS
Meaningful conversations are a treat in and of themselves. But put in the context of someone you care about, it is an even more substantial part of any interaction. Most friendships nowadays consist of interactions that take place online, on social media, or in short calls. Even in person sometimes it can be hard to get past small talk. It could be because it is awkward because we haven’t caught up in so long, or simply because we don’t have enough time to get into the metaphorical ‘meat’ of things. But whenever you can, try to initiate conversations that go beyond the weather and the thing they are doing currently. Discuss the current political climate, discuss their theories about the meaning of existence, discuss what you would choose if you could eat only one dish for the rest of your life. Absurd, but it will give you immeasurable insight into their life.
7. BE THEIR CONFIDANT
Life can throw some curveballs at us, and sometimes we create these curveball situations for ourselves. But we all have things we need to get off our chest, have it heard, have our feelings validate, but also these are the very things that can be very uncomfortable to share or not things we might want people to know about us. A friend that would listen to us, hear our concerns but one we can also trust on to not talk about it to someone else, to not discuss something that is not their place to talk about. Having a confidant is like having a diary that cares for you, and everyone could use one of those. It might not seem like a big deal, but just talking about something that has been bothering us for a while, or even things that have been too overwhelming to think about on our own can be incredibly cathartic. Catharsis aside, many times it can actually help us make sense of the thoughts we have, organise them, and sometimes can even bring into focus the thoughts we might have shoved to the back of our heads that can surprise us. And knowing it stays with that person, someone who understands us, helps us speak freely and not worry about saying the wrong thing or censoring ourselves. Try to be that person to your friend, they will stick around and do the same for you.
8. PAY ATTENTION TO THEM
This might seem obvious and might feel like a repetition of a previous point, but this is not about reading their body language or anticipating their actions. This is more about paying attention to their well-being and taking care of them. We all struggle sometimes, but somehow still feel the need to put on a brave face and not let it show. But if your friend is struggling with something, it is our duty to understand so. They may not show it, but worries show up on a person’s face even if they try to hide it. If you realise your friend is struggling, ask them. They might hesitate, but remind them you are their friend and always want the best for them. If that involves something you can help them with, you would love to help them. If you pay attention to them, you are telling them that you care for them and that you value their presence in your life.
9. HELP WHENEVER YOU CAN
As a friend, you reserve the right to help your friends whenever you can. It can be hard to ask for help many times, but everyone needs help at some point in life, and who can we ask for help if not from our friends? Try to help your friends in small ways whenever you can, this way you are helping them and also making them comfortable with your help so they are less likely to ask for your help in the future when they are assured you genuinely want to help, and you are not just offering out of politeness. It can be anything from your opinion on which of the two shirts they have shortlisted to buy, to helping them plan their wedding. Helping them does not only enrich their trust in you, but them accepting your help is an attestation of their trust in you in the first place.
10. BE JUDGEMENT-FREE
This is a part of and extension of the point of being a good confidant. It is crucial when someone is opening up to you, that you provide them with a safe space where they don’t feel like they have to be a prim-and-proper version of themselves to gain your approval. We all wear a ‘mask’ of sorts in social situations, to avoid this very judgement from others. But it can be exhausting at times. And what are we friends for if we cannot make them feel comfortable enough to be themselves in our presence? So always try to be open-minded when your friends confide in you, even when they do something or think of something that you do not agree with, try to remind yourself that you are on their side and supporting them is your priority. And they will always respect you for doing so.
If you follow the advice mentioned in the above points, you are sure to be able to foster friendships that will last a lifetime. These are principles that build a strong foundation for all relationships, but it is especially easy to apply them to friendships because friendships are relationships between equals. If you take the first step, they will surely reciprocate, and you will always have friendships that you have cultivated to be strong.
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- The Indiaparenting Team
