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You are here : home > Women's Issues > General Issues > Saas Bahu > Comments

Comments:

Name: simran
Country: India
 my inlaw create problem my marriage life,her only love to money,my husband support your parents and not listening me,fight with me,i am never lie,my inlaw everytime telling a lie with my husband but my husband believe her,my mind is very disturb plz help
Name: anonymous
Country: India
 My mother in law is very hard to please and keeps nagging me all the time. She tells me that I have to get rid of my maid and that I have to do all my housework by myself. She also is bringing up issues between my maid and me. She is trying her best to get rid of my maid. It is very hard to get a maid nowadays. Please advise me as to how I can tell my mother in law to mind her business.
Name: Anonymous
Country: India
 The Author is out-of-date with current realities. His is a highly biased advice. He has not come across Bahus who think that they are always right. The Article does not deal with how to handle a hot- headed self-centred wife "me, my parents, my husband, my children, my house' syndrome. Today's bahus are not that simple. The saas bahu relationship has completely turned upside down. Otherwise why new legislations are coming in favour of senior citizens
Name: sonu
Country: India
 is link ko open kro ek website khulegi jaha pr ek cute se ladke ki pic ayegi vaha pr like ka option aata hai plz usse like krke vote do usse jeetana hai help me frndz ye USA m hai or iska jeetna jaruri hai or apne frndz se bhi like krva plz http://ww w.parentingnat ion.in/baby-ph oto-contest-in dia/Babyname_A dhiraj_Sharma_ 28691
Name: Anonymous
Country: India
 After reading all the comments all i want to say is that life is too short to be worrying about petty issues.......golden moments in life are very less and we should should enjoy them to the fullest given the fact that majority of life;s moments are gloom.........My advice to every husband is that stay away from the fight of saas and a bahu......remember we are seperated by a big gap called the generation gap......neither your wife is wrong and neither your mother.......if you have to interfere then make sure that who soever id at fault does not received your comments in front of the latter...if your wife is wrong...tell her in private......if your mother is then replicate the same action.......do not be judgemental about either of them......and never take sides.......if you do take sides the latter will be double hurt...be it your mum or your wife......remember if there's a 3's company in a quarrel.....one will always be outnumbered......For women i advice that......you cannot change your MIL.......she's been like that for many years.....i dun want the women to change either.......just be a litle tectful......dun drag your husband in everything......remember....he works outside and earns....he could be having job blues as well and when he returns home he wants peace and not issues with MIL.......if he starts taking part in quarrels at home.......dun blame him for his loss of health......Blood pressure...strokes and heart attacks are common these days.....job stress is very disturbing and if stress at home prevails......you could expect the worse.......be tactful in keeping your point of view in front of your MIL........if you dun like something your MIL does......there are beter ways of communicating the same to her.....and you would be surprised that it does not invoke any quarerl.......difference happens only when the " EGO" comes in........get rid of your ego......and you will know that it was all sooooo easy.......life is beautiful and for women who feel like comitting suicide.....dun waste it......BE TACTFUL......Not all the MIL's in the world are wrong
Name: Anonymous.Liebling
Country: India
 After reading all the comments all i want to say is that life is too short to be worrying about petty issues.......golden moments in life are very less and we should should enjoy them to the fullest given the fact that majority of life;s moments are gloom.........My advice to every husband is that stay away from the fight of saas and a bahu......remember we are seperated by a big gap called the generation gap......neither your wife is wrong and neither your mother.......if you have to interfere then make sure that who soever is at fault does not receive your comments in front of the latter...if your wife is wrong...tell her in private......if your mother is, then replicate the same action.......do not be judgmental about either of them......and never take sides.......if you do take sides the latter will be double hurt...be it your mum or your wife......remember if there's a 3's company in a quarrel.....one will always be outnumbered......For women i advice that......you cannot change your MIL.......she's been like that for many years.....i dun want the women to change either.......just be a litle tactful......dun drag your husband in everything......remember....he works outside and earns....he could be having job blues as well and when he returns home he wants peace and not issues with MIL.......if he starts taking part in quarrels at home.......dun blame him for his loss of health......Blood pressure...strokes and heart attacks are common these days.....job stress is very disturbing and if stress at home prevails......you could expect the worse.......be tactful in keeping your point of view in front of your MIL........if you dun like something your MIL does......there are better ways of communicating the same to her.....and you would be surprised that it does not invoke any quarrel.......difference happens only when the " EGO" comes in........get rid of your ego......and you will know that it was all sooooo easy.......life is beautiful and for women who feel like comitting suicide.....dun waste it......BE TACTFUL......Not all the MIL's in the world are wrong...INTRPSPECT your self as well.......it could be a revelation for you......And my Advice to Ms USA is that Kicking butts is no solution......you dun now the future and the way the generation is growing...who knows some Miss Future USA could suggest of kicking your butt......would you want that to happen......??? of course not.......Am sure that you must love your blood mother........and if you have a brother and he encounters the same problem which in this case is quarrels between MIL's and DIL......will you feel happy if your “ Bhabi” kicks your mother's butt ????????? Find a soultion....mutually rather than getting aggressive girl....... you say kicking butts ??????? its because of immatured people like you that these issues never get sorted and realization of faults only occurs after you loose a dear one....in this case....it could be your husband coz of mental tension or your MIL........that will make you happy....right ?????
Name: Anonymous
Country: India
 After reading all the comments all i want to say is that life is too short to be worrying about petty issues.......golden moments in life are very less and we should should enjoy them to the fullest given the fact that majority of life;s moments are gloom.........My advice to every husband is that stay away from the fight of saas and a bahu......remember we are seperated by a big gap called the generation gap......neither your wife is wrong and neither your mother.......if you have to interfere then make sure that who soever id at fault does not received your comments in front of the latter...if your wife is wrong...tell her in private......if your mother is then replicate the same action.......do not be judgemental about either of them......and never take sides.......if you do take sides the latter will be double hurt...be it your mum or your wife......remember if there's a 3's company in a quarrel.....one will always be outnumbered......For women i advice that......you cannot change your MIL.......she's been like that for many years.....i dun want the women to change either.......just be a litle tectful......dun drag your husband in everything......remember....he works outside and earns....he could be having job blues as well and when he returns home he wants peace and not issues with MIL.......if he starts taking part in quarrels at home.......dun blame him for his loss of health......Blood pressure...strokes and heart attacks are common these days.....job stress is very disturbing and if stress at home prevails......you could expect the worse.......be tactful in keeping your point of view in front of your MIL........if you dun like something your MIL does......there are beter ways of communicating the same to her.....and you would be surprised that it does not invoke any quarerl.......difference happens only when the " EGO" comes in........get rid of your ego......and you will know that it was all sooooo easy.......life is beautiful and for women who feel like comitting suicide.....dun waste it......BE TACTFUL......Not all the MIL's in the world are wrong
Name: Rabia
Country: Pakistan
 my husb
Name: sameera
Country: India
 i have been married for over a year now.. it was a love marriage. my in laws are fine but they are too miser and i just cant take that.i grew up without a mom or any love and its natural i seemed to have expected a bit of love here which i know now is not possible. But i never had to fight for small things. By Gods grace i lead a luxurious life but without the love of a family.My husband is supportive of me but he cant do much cos we are totally dependent on my in laws(financially)as he recently started working. i don't expect them to pamper me. they are both earning and have no responsibilities and dont spend at all. i know its bad to talk like this but i feel depressed cos i cant talk about this with anyone.Saddest part is my father is not loving at all and i have a grandmother and a younger sister who keep fighting with each other n call me every time they have a rift. its quite depressing n i feel real low. i am even trying to conceive since a year. i guess its stress. What do i do?
Name: Rashi
Country: India
 I feel so sad to admit that mils do ruin the lives of their dils to an extent that hatred becomes inevitable. c'mon, we r no goddesses. and we don't forgive them for that ! my mom in law interfered in my day to day activity, whether it was cooking, washing or cleaning.... my needs were dictated by her... i had no breathing space. and my husband could never stand up for me despite understanding the situation... the scar is so deep , i dont even forgive my husband for all the wrongs done to me by his mom while he stood a deaf and dumb to my miseries....
Name: sweta
Country: India
 its been 6 months to my marriage n i have had a terrible time. my husband is very sweet n caring but my mil has ruined our relationship. i've tried every bit to maintain peace at my house but its impossible. i even tried to commit suicide but failed. i cnt tolerate this any more
Name: sheetal
Country: India
 my mil also have the same problem ,she is so possesive about his son,she destroy my life just interfer in my life ,i don`t like she is very bad woman in my life
Name: Garima
Country: India
 ya this must be read by all husbands.. but i know they won't because they can never ever think or feel like that..days before today i was thinking that there must be only rare families where this happens but now i come to know that its the story of every other woman.. i am also very much depressed of my marrige life. i got married one and a half year ago. this was an arranged marrige.the main problem with me is my mil. she is very much possesive about her son. she has made my life miserable. i when came to my in laws house, i completely given my self in serving all family members. my mil does not want me to sit free for a moment. when she find me free she always tell me to do house hold chores. she even does not help me even if my health does not allow me to stand. my husband dont even talk to me in her presence. he just think that would be disrespecting to her if he talks to me in front of her. we have two small rooms in our home. and we live with my mil an bil. even my husband keeps the door open at night that thinking that it is very shamefull to keep door closed while mother is there. she does not give a moment to my husband to talk to me. even after that much time of our marrige we are like two persons who know very little about each othe. this does not matter to my husband because he is in a comfortable zone but i m not. i have left my home my family for him, for his love but he thinks only about his mother. i am just like a maid at home to serve his family. his family has 5 members and each one is fully dependent on me even for a bit.i dont know what to do with it. i am really very upset. please can anyone give me advice what should i do.i m really very helpless.
Name: I hate my MIL
Country: India
 after 12 years of marriage and living in a different country she still controls my husband just as if he is under her foot - i say my mil is a fist - with 4 sons (life for fingers) & 1 fil (like the thumb) and she rolls it into a fist to beat the dil. she is such a women who does not need to say a word - just hint and the sons will do it for her - even if she says jump out of the window on 13th floor - they will do it blindly - it is ruining my life and every chance of happiness that i may have - but her luck is toooooo goood - never seems to get over - so the husband feels that only his mother is right
Name:
Country: India
Name: toBeFair
Country: U.S.A.
 it would be interesting and fair to see the other side of the arguments from teh husband's and mil perspective. it would truely bring things to a full circle and hopefully convey a fair outlook on joint families. a suggestion to the web editor is to create a similar posting / blog for husband and mils.
Name: Dimple
Country: U.S.A.
 inmy case i know she is not bad but she thinks i am tooo bad, keeps saying everything negative about me to all. me n my hubby live in ca, usa. n my in-laws in india. this is not my fault that her son cant live with her but she punishes me for not being abel to live with her son. she does not wants us to get setteled in india, and cant accept that my hubby keeps me happy. i do not have a single bank a/c on my name not even in sharing taht in case these guys kick me off i can live on taht amt for untill i get on my feet for my baby n me, still she is not happy. i think tath i can do anything but to remain sad forever to make her happy czo i am the only dil for her and she might not see that if i get bad her life will be screwed. my culture n so called sanskar's dont allow me to do anything bad but to share with you all i watn to tell few stories here- once me n she had lil hot chat, i am literature person so told her "never worry about u took bath or not if hungry then get in kitchen its fine, your thoughts are pure then bathed or not dosent matter" she took it as i told her that her thoughts are not good and told my hubby a teh same thing with bad words. she called him in a seprate room i was able to see that from kitchen, i clearly saw she ordered him to close the door by her eyes and he did so, after coming out he started yelling at me taht i am not good at all. i thing the person who cant keep his position at one place whogoes back to his mother like a dog and follows her signs too is just a dog not a good hubby. when you get married get ready to become a hubby while you are a son. and after becoming father atleast think about the lil one who loves you blindly dont understand ur tricks. thes "mavadias" are like that. this year when we went to india she spoiled our tour me n my hubby faught many tiems, almost everytime we got alone we kept fighting on small small things, i was really not wanted it to be that way but if i keep silent everytime she will dominate me infront of my kids n others..to be cont...
Name: Dimple
Country: U.S.A.
 asking help from others is not a solution i think "kick their butt" has right suggestion, we look at their age and stop saying anything coz they might get hurt but this is not the way, like this we will be at their age and will be giving respect only and will spoil the one n only life. live at your fullest dears, take off these tenssions and make urself free. when you get affected by mil's acts or sayings then only it hurts na.. then comeon.. wake up and get busy with something creative something taht makes us happy not them, show them taht whatever they do our happiness and our life is not in their hands, her son is might be a doggie who gives his belt in her hands but not me.. hello i am happy and have all rights to be happy... best luck..
Name: Frustration
Country: India
 even after 10 years of marriage my mil didn't think i am member of family, i am working and my kids used to be with her whole day and some times it seems that she is taking my kids away from me , as every time my 3 years old son use dto say mummy gandi hai, and moreover every time she says i am telling every thing to my parents, she didn't lke my parents as well
Name: Dimple
Country: U.S.A.
 continue earlier one. i dont wish my kid to grow in such environment, she is a gal n she might get this impression of just being good to all whatever it takes, if it happens then this world of mil's is ready to take away our happiness so i want her to be very independent and so me too ready for any strong decision at anytime. it costs a lot but then what is now is also costing a whole lot... i certainly dont want my baby to follow the typical tredition.
Name: Pallavi
Country: India
 some logical stuff i found in this article as compared to many other articles on this portal! but how many people live in india logically - try looking at this simple policy - live and let live! back in india people still follow the oppressive policy that god has bestowed them with a son - meaning that there exists a female who would be a puppet in their hands for her entire life to clean, work, care, and bear male children! she would be intelligent enough to earn good money (other name for dowry nowadays) but switch off her intelligence when seeing their misdeeds and ill-behaviors. god i am not created for this hell and i am better off unmarried/divorced than living in hell. believe me girls life is beautiful. live it peacefully and live it for your dreams. dont marry just for the sake that you want sons who will take care of you in your old age! else you will turn into same devils that your in-laws are. children are always for sharing love and not making them a means of money or support or old-age stick! don't marry for the sake of society that it will not let you live peacefully as single/divorced women! and moreover, you women please don't raise brows against those women you have taken the decision to opt out of their in-laws hell and live life lovingly and peacefully! know that you may be tortured also some day!
Name: Rani
Country: Canada
 i love ur article. i don't those days are over , where mil rule. we do respect oue elders but at the same time have a life to live too . we should put out foot down from day one and let our husband see what the mil are doing(creating problems) the day he see that he will stand up for you and back you up.
Name: Rani
Country: Canada
 i love ur article. tthose days are over , where mil rule. we do respect our elders but at the same time have a life to live too . we should put out foot down from day one and let our husband see what the mil is doing(creating problems) the day he see that he will stand up for you and back you up.
Name: Sidra
Country: U.S.A.
 i see many comments that we should treat our saas like our mother. this may help in some situations, but the thing is, with my mom i can disagree with her completely and argue back and forth until we reach a conclusion. it never is a war of egos, we know that we love each other. however, with a saas, true feelings often get covered up and they just simmer under the surface instead of being properly addressed. if they were addressed, then it would cause big drama. i am not married yet but whenever i ask my fiancee questions about his mom's routines (so i can sorta practice in advance) he gets mad at me saying i'm trying to cause trouble...i hate that because i am actually searching saas/bahu articles so i can try to be a perfect bahu. the problem is there are no uniform requirements...the uncertainty is the worst thing, i feel.
Name: Test
Country: France
 test
Name: Christian Part 1
Country: France
 i just finished reading your article but the comments that come along. and i must admit that there is very little 'bahu' who love their "saas." i have two questions to 'bahu' now: (1) what kind of woman do you want for your boy, when age to marry? (2) what kind of woman do you want to be your 'bahu'? depending, of the response that you will bring to these two questions, you will directly or indirectly responses to the situation you cross yourself in your life, i think ... human beings since its inception has ceased to be ungrateful. he always wanted more than what god gave him. the human being has created the needs, desires, rules, laws, desires, outside of what god has authorized. and he is now trapped by all his false claims and expectations it has imposed on itself, but mostly he tries to impose on others. to my mind, and you can disagree with me on that. the subject saas / bahu "is not a problem but it is a matter of education at the base. the subject of "saas" and "bahu" is not new, but this is not a problem that god created the human being, but that human beings created himself. i humbly believe that parents need to know to educate their daughters so that it draws feel like home, go home when her husband after marriage. he was regularly seen that girls are often high in two different ways according to their respective families. (1) first, there are the girls that everything is allowed, if they are spoiled rotten. parents do not nothing. the upgrade is desire slightest. none of their actions or their speech is controlled. nothing is prohibited. she did not know the word 'no'. these girls there, in my view, have no concept of value and respect for another person or an object. now, when parents will marry their daughter and arrives at her beautiful family, i can assure you that peace in this hostel will be very short. the first victim will be the husband, whom she will deliver the wishes and requirements beyond its capabilities. and no respect or no satisfaction, it is going to pollute the life and words into deeds displaced often met hatred and insults and humiliation. then comes the turn of the beautiful family to suffer. (2) second, there are girls whose parents forbid them or deny any such thing. everything is taboo at home. and they have only consolation is: when you're high and married, your husband subviendra this type of need for you. so this girl is eagerly awaiting the day when she can finally buy what it wants and to which it aspires. and after marriage, if her husband is unable to do so, he and his family will face the wrath of the girl. what is understood by this, is not a criticism of women, but a major concern in education that we give to our children. and very often, parents forget to also give an education to their son so that he could later address his adult life, a husband and father effectively.
Name: Ranchu
Country: India
 hi everyone, just to add my own thoughts here....would not it be nice to ask the sons-in-law to stay in the woman's parents house as a joint family so that they will also know what it is to adjust when they suggest the woman to 'adjust'. why is it that because they are earning members that the sons' parents have to stay with them? so does it mean that if u do not earn u sit idly at home....is it? only when men understand that they are working in the office and the women are working at home will they understand that work of the family is shared. then y should the son's parents be privelged that they are allowed to stay with the son in the old age. there are many women who are earning equal to men who can also keep her parents with her...if money and earning are the criteria....any opinion about this, please....has any one thought on these lines??
Name: troubled
Country: Nepal
 god. anyone. where is the solution? has it worked for anyone?
Name: Sanny
Country: India
 i seriously do not understand this....y is it that after the marriage the woman's parents are not allowed to interfere in the couple's family but the son's parents make it their primary task to do it? i seriously feel that there should be a change in the society's outlook. since marriage is needed for both men and women...let it be considered a partnership and friendly support for each other....our society is still giving the impression that the women are at the disposal of men after their marriage....my feeling is both of them should be a bridge to forge new realtionships on either side. only when the balance is equal companionship and respect will emerge...when there is superior and inferior status accorded it will never forge a healthy relationship....wife is not inferior in any way just because she is not necessarily an earning member..she is contributing to the family and that she has to respect it herself, before anyone else....
Name: sr
Country: India
 pls. help me..i'm very depressed,& do not know what to do?this is the only place i can think of being helped. we had a love marriage 7 yrs back.it was only after marriage that i discovered my husbands reluctance & fear to speak anything in front of his parents. we had this huge financial difference...myself cmng frm fom a good business class family... & getting married in a lower class family was a big step i took.all marriage expenses were paid by my family.but even that was ok with me. immediately after marriage i discoverd that my in-laws cud'nt even stand their son,forget giving love to me. just 2 days staying with them...& we moved to another house. i thought that aftr our baby things would improve,then our son was born,but then also neither my in-laws nor anyone from their family came to see the baby. being highly qualified, i was doing my job,before our baby, & was doing pretty good..but after the baby i left my job, as i'd no one to take care of my baby. 4 yrs. have passed by...i feel so depressed....& sumtimes i really wish committing suicide...for not listening to my parents...as i cud have always been married at a better place. doing all the chores, staying at home, doing all the household work... i feel as if i'm just waisting my life... this loneliness has brought so much negative energy in my life, that has resulted in hormones imbalance & i'm not being able to concieve again.... i just cry & really do not know what to do. keep blaming my husband & fighting over with him....for not taking a stand in front of his parents & not giving our due share of rights,respect & love to me, our son & even my husband for himself. pls. help me.... this negativity is just killing me....
Name: sr
Country: India
 pls. help me..i'm very depressed,& do not know what to do?this is the only place i can think of being helped. we had a love marriage 7 yrs back.it was only after marriage that i discovered my husbands reluctance & fear to speak anything in front of his parents. we had this huge financial difference...myself cmng frm fom a good business class family... & getting married in a lower class family was a big step i took.all marriage expenses were paid by my family.but even that was ok with me. immediately after marriage i discoverd that my in-laws cud'nt even stand their son,forget giving love to me. just 2 days staying with them...& we moved to another house. i thought that aftr our baby things would improve,then our son was born,but then also neither my in-laws nor anyone from their family came to see the baby. being highly qualified, i was doing my job,before our baby, & was doing pretty good..but after the baby i left my job, as i'd no one to take care of my baby. 4 yrs. have passed by...i feel so depressed....& sumtimes i really wish committing suicide...for not listening to my parents...as i cud have always been married at a better place. doing all the chores, staying at home, doing all the household work... i feel as if i'm just waisting my life... this loneliness has brought so much negative energy in my life, that has resulted in hormones imbalance & i'm not being able to concieve again.... i just cry & really do not know what to do. keep blaming my husband & fighting over with him....for not taking a stand in front of his parents & not giving our due share of rights,respect & love to me, our son & even my husband for himself. pls. help me.... this negativity is just killing me....
Name: anuja
Country: India
 this article is very good for creating understanding in husbands.
Name: a bahu
Country: United Kingdom
 my hubby is scared of standing up to his parents. they keep complaining about me all the time behind my back (which my hubby agrees also!). if i ask him he tells i am really changed and not a mamma's boy and yet in every action i see a scared mamma's boy. we are in uk and leaving for a 3 week hols to india. my hubby first told your mom can come to uk we can stay 3 week in my place. i am like why will my mom come here spending her money just coz your parents want to spend all time with you. then he told me to spend 3 weeks in his place and then later extend my holiday spend time at my place and then come all alone with my kid back to uk. i told him that enough is enough i am not going back again alone we are doing it together. i expect him to be fair and spend half the time at my place and half at his. but now his parents are putting excuse that they are not keeping well so he will stay at his parents place for the most part of the 3 weeks. i have finally put my foot down and refused to extend my stay beyond a week. if he can't stay with my parent why should i stay with his unnecessarily just because i am a girl his parents expect i should sacrifice everything and do seva to them! i've had it with my husband as well who is just being mamma's boy and getting scared and trying to extend my trip instead of just asking me to stay with my mom who is all alone! how can i live with a person like this anymore? is it worth it i wonder when it is very clear he doesn't think anything beyond his parents!!!! his mom does not even respect him or listen to him. she wears all my sarees which i have left in the cupboard and this despite her son telling don't wear her sarees. its not like she doesn't have enough she has so many but still she will take all my sarees new ones including and wear them. she always complains about the way we bring up our child and compare to other kids eating habbits. and to end it all the way she manipulates my husband she is god damn nearing 60 years old and crying to my husband i don't have a father and my brothers are also dead what will i do? i felt like asking her your husband is alive na? or he also is dead. damn it all...i just feel like leaving my husband but that would only make her happy because that is what she wants at the end of the day!!!
Name: Asf
Country: Pakistan
 i think reading this article will help three of the members of this triangle. its quite good things on the subject certainly written out of age old experience. but difficulty is of perception by the reader specially one with pre-occupied thoughts. second problem is of thinking in others shoes. each member will try to hold his/her position unchanged thinking him /her right. thus this issue will go till end of times and will not end b4 that.
Name: Radhika
Country: India
 ok.the article is very good.but...in my family......my husband's father died in a car accident when he and his brother were small.his mothers relatives helped them to settle down.his mother remarried and his aunty (mothers sister)took his responsibility. but now we are married these people always interfere in our married life. any matter if it is small or big his aunty, mama-mami will interfere and tells stories to my mother-in-law on my back..which is very fullish. i wonder people who are educated well enough behave disgusting. now do you have any suggestions for me, to coup with the situation?
Name: SYMPATHETIC TO WOMENS
Country: India
 i will tell you that the real problem is with womens only. you want to know why..read it. i will tell you that the real problem in life is only a woman. reading below you will find how a woman is stuck in an infinte loop with her own different images. before marriage all girls are too much spoilt and never knew about what are responsibilities. all they care is to yell at others and roam around passing time with stupid affairs...and you know what their super moms(also a woman by the way) also doesn't bother as she is her daughter. her sweet suddenlt becomes a different personality when she herself gets a bahu(also a woman) and things start changing suddenly in this house. no rules are set for the unmarried daugther (also a woman) and there are thousands of rules and rituals for the newly wed who just came in - the bahu (also a woman). now see the drama...just after marriage the newly wed wants attention and care from husband and therefore in turn gets attention from her mil:) therefore, mil starts objecting and suddenly teh new bahu finds that mil is bad and mom was good which is anyways a mil in her own house:)). the newly wed bahu starts talking about all this that her mil is bad but her mom is good and mil is the worst thing to happen in her life and blah blah blah.... now, lets assume that this newly wed bahu would have got two daughter of hers and a son in next couple of years. by the time kids are ready for their marriage, she would have realised that son is the best to thing to happen in their kids bank as girls to kisi kaam ki hoti nahin and son hi to hai jo hame sambhaalega and girls to chali jaayengi after marriage....so over period of time this so called bahu chnages her perception towards girls and gets attached to boys. therefore, when she herself becomes a mil(which is around 25-30 years post her own marriage) she is all set to get herself own bahu(also a woman). she suddenly starts feeling that her importance is going away as her bahu is taking her son's attention:) so, she cannot stand this and suddenly a mil is born in this house(also a woman). beacuase of this the bechaara beta is always in problem and they also make sure that two brothers won't stay together. so...its funny to see that because of their own behaviorial changes they gets into this infinte loop. finally womens always feel insecure in every role they play in their life. i am not supporting boys while writing all this. but if you all (espacially womens) clearly and carefully analyse there own self and change the way they treat others....i bet life will be simple for all let me know your views. - a friend
Name: vindhiya
Country: Qatar
 hi...even m married frm lst 2 yrs living away frm my country .. hv seen if v fight v fite jst coz of my mil ... m very dissatsfd wit my hubby's parents ... they dislik me which i feel everytm bt in frnt of thr son they will pretend to b nic n lovin i hate thr double fac prsonlty and evn i bhv the sam wit thm in absnc o my husnand i nvr spk normlyy wit thmm.. n m hapy the wayi m....
Name: need help
Country: India
 i'm being married for last 10yrs & staying in usa.every year holidays we visit india.my mil & sil always try to act very nice in front of my husband,when i'm alone with them,they start saying mean words to me.he thinks that i don't talk to them & ignore them.even after telling how mean they talk to me & try to find mistakes in me.even my sil's daughters talk very mean to me.i always fight with my hubby when i go to india on unnecessary things & he does'nt believe that i'm telling the truth & supports them.this time again we r planning for a vacation & started fighting for what not to do & how i should be with them.we r in joint family in a small house.my husband does'nt communicate with me when we r there...always busy with his family & i also don't get to spend my vacation at my mom's place.this time i'm scared to face them & don't know what new story they r creating aganist me.i'm still not treated as they family member.my husband talks them & stops as soon as i'm there as if i'm not apart of his life.otherwise in usa he will be a very nice hubby.we do fight but the topic will be his parents or sister.i need help how to tackle these ladies who r very smart.i want a peaceful & enjoyable trip to india. how to avoid people who try to make us unhappy & spoil our happy moments.
Name: rakhi
Country: India
 every time, u cannot say mother is only wrong there might be a chances of wife also.
Name: Mr. X
Country: India
 nice description and wonderful comments but wouldn't help. joint family is a jail. it is a jail of sanskriti, of our minds and traditions. i have to take care of my parents and my family. after marriage, i think, i have been fighting with each and every one. sometimes, its too depressing. it's a no way out situation. wastage of everybody's time and life. it is the hell we have to cope with.
Name: good
Country: India
 it is a real arti. everyone who is bahu suffers same problems.there is only one way to skip from this situ. that is "to be bold and fight with ur husband."i know it is not easy.but there is noway.women should finincialy indipendent. must raho, kisi sale ki parwah na karo.
Name: another Bahu
Country: India
 hmmmmmmmmmmm seems like everyone are facing the same problem..few blame that bahu's are also wrong...but one thing..the so called saas..when they show some love..and talk cheerfully without comparing with anyone and with loving nature..i'm sure thr will not be any any troubles..but when the saas tries to get hold of their dil like their son..then that can't be tolerated...so when the bahus turn against it..there starts the ego jealousy attitude gossips mocking comparing degrading everything come in picture huh :( what i noticed is..that the saas feel that their position in the house will be gone ..will be restored by the bahus and the sone wil no more listen to their words ..so these saas will try to get hold of the bahus...
Name: senior
Country: Canada
 generation gap.every one is different. survivol of the fittest.preferably live sepratly and meet only casually.no treatment,your luck,bear it
Name: tortuted wife
Country: India
 my husbsnd is a perfect mamma boy. he has four sis who are a step ahead of their mom. eldest one had a love marraige . her hubby is a perfect awara. has never earned a single penny in his life. all of them r enjoying on my hubby money ( note not our) .+ my hubby thinks i should provide perfect services to his mom , sis and their kids . my hubby does know all this but is happier to go with it rather than against it.he will say harsh words to me when his family backbites. now i have started feeling iam wasting my life with a man like this. any comments
Name: love
Country: India
 mil are is monster in law ha..ha.. how come i didnt know this in 12 years of married life. sure my mil is also monster at times, she takes care of my children (rather i should say she takes care in such a way that my children are scared of their mom). cud anybody say me, cant we take care of our own children in the absence of mil? if dil (courage/daughter in law?)is there we can do wonders. u people agree to me?
Name: ylabem
Country: Portugal
 what i can advise is that we need to be smarter and act like the godesses we are. what i do is to full concentrate on my husband and think off her like nothing; i try my best that she doesn't affect me and i concentrate on my husband to keep him on my side: i treat him the best i can and try to please him and slowly i give little hints and comments abaut her mother and always say "but she is your mother, probably she didnt meant it" the best we have to fight is the heart of husband since thats what they want also. dont think bad of me cos this is my opinion. sometimes i loose my tempoer but i see that is not the best for me. if we concentrate on pleasing her or star question ourselves we loose our mind and star acting stresses and husband don't like. stil i have many problems with her but i have my husband on my side.
Name: Kick their Butt
Country: India
 my mil is a big b.she doesnt put a servant trying to save money.i stay in usa making 6 figure amount a month when i go back she expects me to lead her crappy life inspite of my husband sending her large sums of money which i have no issue with. my fil is henpecked fool who boils milk and does crappy house work and does not concentrate on bigger activities in life.one thing i learnt is indian mil thinks the kitchen is their domain and honestly thats the only crappy world they have seen so even if you are staying in a bigger world full of opportunities and success they boil you down to their crappy life because thats all they know and ya mil know how to create fights between happily married son and dil.....sick ppl who cant see that someone has a better life then them....but i want to breathe and live life so i dont listen to her rubbish....girls be strong kick their butt we have 1 life to live>>&g t;>
Name: Foregin Image
Country: India
 in a country like india where there are arranged marriages that is to the happiness of ebery one espicially when the parents of the girl and boy chooses them , i guess the situation should not be so bad . if you don like the girl say no to her 1 st only. why brig her home and the torture her . she came to your family coz u got her married to your son . afterall you want your son to be happy . so monster inlaws please be humane inlaws !
Name: xyz
Country: U.S.A.
 even staying in abroad being away frm mil fr fur long distance, we face prbs of money issuies , my mil keeps asking me money now and then and this creats prb btw both of us plz help me
Name: fd
Country: Switzerland
 hi jp! i think u should tell about this to ur husband in a very subtle way.....if u dont raise ur voice now....then u will feel more miserable with days to pass....life is long ! and believe me ur inlaws are going to live longer. so do what makes u feel happy and good. take their advice only where u are confused but dont get dominated by anyone even not ur husband. yeah! dosenot mean that u dont listen to anyone and misbehave but life is small....its not worth living in a prion...u need freedom of speech thought and work.... reg ards
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