Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi, I am a mother of a 6 yr old boy who is an hyper active child.Of late my husband and myself have been trying different things to discipline him like, visiting pizza hut, or take him out to places like Amoeba on weekends only if he behaves and minds his mannerisms .. however i now see my husband trying to discipline him by playing with his emotions. Ie, his B' day is due on 25th of this month and he is anxiously looking forward for the same from atleast 2 mnths and my husbands disciplines him saying he would cancel his gifts and would not even celebrate or take him out oin his b' day... I am absolutely against this way of disciplining kids by playing with their emotions . Is my husbaand doing the correct thing???? Mers replied. You are absolutely right...somethings should never be conditional. A birthday is a big deal for a 6 year old. Besides it is not possible for him to remember to inhibit his behavior for something that is two months away.
First you and your husband sit down and ake a list of 3 things you absolutely must have your son follow-make a daily chart with rewards (eg 2/3 goals met for the day = a sticker. 5 stickers in a week = a small reward.(at his age he needs to see the rewards/consequences for his actions atleast a the end of the day.
Both you and your husband sit with your child and explain the system to him.
At the end of the day review how he did (start by pointing out what he did right) and what could be done better the next day. Let him mark it on the chart.
Start with small tangble rewards and then move on to social rewards (like reading with his father, playing a specific game-helps build positive relationships which will help when he gets to be a teenager and you may have more boundaries for him).

When you have consequences-keep them specific, meaningful and natural-\" if you don' t put your bag away after you come back fro school, you' ll have to do it befoe going to play.\"

If your child is hyperactive, one of the most significant areas of intervention is building routines...work on routines for the whole day-what to do in the morning before going to school, wat to do after coming back from school and how to ge ready for the next day, how to approach homework, how toget ready for bed...this needs to become a habit...once those routines start getting established, you will see a difference.
Both parents needs to be on the smae page, the language you use (how you direct your child) has to be similar and the same set of boundaries (so he doesn' t play one parent against another...
good luck...it has been and can be done succesfully. It is all up to you:) Suzanne France replied. I think what your husband is doing is reasonable. It can' t be \" all carrot and no stick\" - if your son' s been really ill-mannered and troublesome, you do need to issue threats and be prepared to carry them out.
And psychological discipline must be better than some of the physical punishments I have experience of!