Friends,

I have been seeing this site from very long time and person like Hetal replying the queries is really amazing.

I have doubts /queries .I have 21 month old daughter basically she is a preterm baby but right now doing ok. As usual she doesnt eat and cribs around for small things. Very active and naughty ,started speaking in sentences.

My problem is either me or or hubby dont have parents and as I was earning good my hubby quit his job and started a business. But everyday like any indian men there is war for small reasons. We have huge home loan to fill up and I am able to balance money with my income. My hubby expects tooooooo much from me as I need to cook bfast,dinner for us and I feed baby milk at morning. He expects me to feed her dinner which would take more then an hour and I will tired by then.

I can leave my job and take care of my baby but entire life will be in mess. I am sure his earnings would not suffice all our needs.

I would like to know which is the right to put baby to day care or leave under maids. I am not ready for either as I have been hearing lot of stories every now and then.Whatever I am earning its only for them he wants all luxuries of life,he is penniless and expects toooooo much from my end.

Please can you give me suggestions,what would a mom do in this phase. I know this is not the right place to put in . But am sure intelligent lady like Hetal and others would visit this place so I am posting here,sory for this.

Thanks in advance... Hetal replied. Hi there,
cribbing and crying for little things for 21month old dd is pretty normal..kids of this age are not good at expressiing so they happen to cry or crib and express their dislikes by the way of these actions,,just divert her mind,,teach her what NO and YES means,,at the same time,,if you find that your kid is not a kid who takes NO for a NO,,,try to divert her mind to something else ! keep trying,,soothe her with lots of patience and talks,,and always remember that this is a phase and you have to deal with it with lots of patience..also teach her sign language,,like when she wants to express that she didnt like that you did something,,next time she tries to cries,,,tell her boooooo or ne such sign like waving her hands,,no no no,,,baby at this age are good in showing thumbs,,how about thumbs up(for a delighted moment) and thumbs down ( for nething that she didnt like it),,babies before 18months dont have control over their thumbs and last fingers...see if she takes that !
other is never snatch things from her,,let her play with it for a while,,once she is diverted to other things,,just slip your hand and take it away out of her sight...sometimes that works..

about your family issues,,well, it depends on what kind of woman/mom you are ! if you are woman who would like to believe in your dh capabilities and trust his abilities of doing things,,then you will support him to your best,,no matter what !! if you are a woman who thinks that my dh cant earn without me,,well, you would like to talk to your dh that this is not the right time to start a business and that finances are crashing !!
if you are a woman who loves your husband, in every condition you have been thru, you know the way out and will not ne intelligent suggestions from neone ! because after all you know your husband more than neone outside your house..and you have to understand his sentiments, feelings and at the same time, make him understand whats wrong or right..you have to understand onething that each relationship is based on certain trust and feeling and respect,,now its upto you to handle this delicate situation and take it to the next level where things are better in speaking !!!
as far as cooking and housekeeping is concerned,,every woman is expected to do that,,may it be indian or ne other race or country.,,if its becoming difficult for you to handle things,,then ask for help..tell your dh that things are becoming hard for you and if this goes on in the same speed, you might end up satisfying him at the cost of your health,,and this will eventually lead to your distraction in baby care and also relations...being a man, its difficult for him to understand these tiny things that we wives have to take care,,and kind of hammer in their heads,,,talk about it when you are having a good time and show your tiredness doing everything singlehanded..being a man, his expectations are going to be high,,remember the phrase, behind a successful man, there is woman who is responsible for his success,,it practically means that a wife is expected to not only satisfy his physical needs but also his emotional backup and boost his motivation,,,,
so now you decide whats right for your family at this point of time,,consider and make your dh realise that starting a initial setup at this point of time when you have a baby and that you have to make his future,,and then the other loans and stuffs,,might not be a good idea...
be very calm and respect him when you talk,,share..remember onething nething thats done with respect and patience, works out well !!
also understand that like you said that you are earning for you and your dh only,,well your dh is also trying to achieving something that he thinks and believes that will bring him lots of fortune via business,,is all for you all only !! just that, this is indeed a wrong time,,if at all you are the only good earner and he is using your income as capital !!!
just keep everything on paper with your income and his income along with the expenses and let him see the figures of savings out of your and his income individually,,men often realise the things in better way when things are explained in calculative way !! just do the math...hope this helps.

about feeding your baby,,your baby is big enough to self feed..you are a busy mom,,and that your baby has to learn to eat by herself !! so go ahead, start offering her finger foods and teach her to feed herself..she is 21months,,will be 2 years soon !!!

other than that,,going for a good licensed day care and a trusted maid whom you know and is elderly enough when it comees to baby care,,,is a better idea...look for maid/nanny who has experience in bringing up kids and these days,some instutions have come forward in certain courses on baby care,,where in these ladies are taught about the baby care, and such things,,and they do baby sitting freelance...
so you have options...
a very good luck to you, and i hope all your probs are solved..rem onething, you are a wife and your husband is struggling for something that he thinks is right,,to make him understand that this might not be a good idea,,you will have to go to the level of his understanding(by understanding him),,and then bring him to level of your thinking !! its only you who can do that...
and i think you can, because if you are earning such good income, you are smart enough in doing that,,,
Good Luck, take care. swapna replied. I don't understand why u try to follow each and every thing ur hubby tells u, even when u know it is not realistic.. Please let him know that you are a human being, not a machine...
He should understand, that u get tired after a day's work, and he should help u out with daily chores.
If he is penniless.. then, i am sure he might be having ego clashes.. which is quite common in our indian context.. So, some counselling would help. Take him to a counsellor, and, urge him to understand the situation.
Don't think of quitting ur job.. Put the baby in day care.. (A trust worthy maid is a good option, but, in case u don't know them well, day care is the best..)
All the best, and take care...