Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Name: Sivakamia

Sometime I wonder if it is because the story-line of Indian movies by-and-large end where they do- the warm, fuzzy feeling alongside the little to total lack of preparation for such an amazing and enormous adventure, leave many of us believing some or many of the following:

- You are either happy or sad in your married life
- You get lucky with a very understanding and cohesive partner or not
- The joy in marriage is very illusionary especially after children
- Marriage is a social/community event culturally- I don' t have to be very happy just ensure I fulfill basic responsibilities- as a parent, spouse, nothing much- JUST BASIC

DO you see what I' m trying to say? We have such all or nothing/Black-White assumptions about marriage. As a family/couples counselor, I never cease to amaze at the marriages that work- and I have seen no \" Happy Marriages\" . The ones I' m talking about are couples who are committed (many times, one partner more than the other)- they endure and work hard on the not-so-happy days. Not sit and hope for the \" happy days\" of yore, or of course, the ones form some movie.

In short, don' t ask yourself- have I landed the \" right relationship\" ? Instead ask yourself:

- Are there ways I have forgotten to entertain hope for the relationship?
- Are there ways I should be looking at working actively- try something else that I haven' t already?
- Are my expectations too high or too low?
- Are my partner' s expectations too different from mine?
- Do i think it' s a virtue to live with tension or difficulties?
_ Most importantly, do I/my partner focus on only the negatives and let the positives slip by unnoticed?
- Do we value our mental health enough to monitor it and act on improve the quality of life?

Today is a world of instant dosas. We know more about relationships, how they work, what we can do to effectively improve them and so on. And trust me, what you can do through awareness and commitment can effect a change that tastes far far better than those instant dosas!

Bangalore Psychotherapist

Subscribe to this conversation Reply Anonymously