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Developmental Concerns: kid says you embarrass them
2018-11-26
Name: Malti



What do you do when your kid says you embarrass them?
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2018-11-26
#1
Anonymous Name: Samay
Subject:   kid says you embarrass them



My 11-year-old son wanted to speak to me about something important a few nights ago. He waited until his little brother was asleep, then crept into my room. ?Mummy? Can I talk to you?? ?Sure, Sweetheart,? I said, pushing my work away. ?I've been thinking, and... Sometimes when my friends are around, I feel a bit weird when I call you ?Mummy'. Would it be okay if I call you ?Mum' instead?? I smiled. ?Of course it is, Sweetie. We've talked about this before - and, remember, you always used to call me ?Mum'. You can call me whatever you're comfortable with.? I paused a moment to let that settle, and then added, ?Just don't call me late for dinner.? (Because when you're a single parent, you've got to do the Dad Jokes as well.) My son gave me a hug and prepared to go, then caught himself. ?Actually... There's something else.? ?Mmmm?? ?When we're shopping and you start singing and dancing in the aisles, it makes me feel a bit embarrassed to be with you. Not all the time!? he added in a rush, trying not to hurt my feelings. ?Just sometimes.? I gave him a huge grin and offered him my hand for a high five. ?Awesome!? I said excitedly. ?Congratulations on getting so much more grown up! I'm so proud of you! Being embarrassed by your parents is a great sign of impending teenage-ness.? His eyes lit up and he high-fived me. ?Does that mean you'll stop?? I laughed and answered in the same excited tone. ?Absolutely not.? He gave me a confused look. ?In a few years time, when you're all the way grown up, you'll look back and be happy that you have a mother who never stopped being herself, no matter what.? I dropped my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. ?But for right now, it's okay if you take a few steps away from me when I'm being embarrassing. Okay?? He laughed, nodded his agreement, and went back to bed. What do I do? I do the same thing I do when my children tell me anything. I listen. I validate their feelings. I congratulate them on expressing their feelings in an appropriate way. I explain my feelings/perspective. I tell them how (or if) things will change. And, somewhere in that process, I make a lame joke - because laughter makes the world go round.
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