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Developmental Concerns: helicopter parents?
2018-11-26
Name: Arushi What is it like to be raised by helicopter parents?
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2018-11-26
#1
Anonymous Name: Hetal
Subject:   helicopter parents?
In one word Suicidal! . I am a friend of an Indian girl who got unlucky with one such set of helicopter parents. I attended high school and college with her, she was one of the brightest I knew. But she lacked confidence, a hell lot of it. She was so nervous on the very first day in her new school (where luckily she met me) that she was crying sitting at the last bench! At the age of 15, nobody does that! She was an introvert, with not many friends. Even curfew times were 6 pm for her! She told me that once she was late for home by 15minutes, her father had chucked her out, shutting the door at her face in front of all the neighbours while her mother looked on. She cried relentlessly and begged for pardon, but none of her parent's hearts melted! Later a neighbour took her in and fed her for the night. She was mostly never allowed to go out. In her home I saw this weird sort of pseudo jail atmosphere - strictly fixed tv timings, over the top study hours, by the time she had reached 8th grade they banned her from going out to play too!! (Coz puberty is such a big killer for girls!) So, she hardly came to my place, it was always me staying over at hers, under the constant vigil of her parents. She was a great story teller! Of course her teenage was a phase she spent with me, so she turned a bit rebellious. But I could tell in her heart she was always scared! She was so scared she could not tell her parents of her child abuse. She was an avid reader. Apart from me her companions were only books. While I was speculating my prospective boyfriends, she was browsing the school and later college library. All because she was shut in her house most of the times, so she found solace in books at least. Even long telephonic conversations were forbidden! She was always enquired by her parents after all her talks especially with me. (I was the bad influence I guess) She never had an affair. Not once! Men were interested, of course they were. But she declined them all along. For she didn't want to draw her parents annoyance there. During our college days, she used to lie a lot. For her parents would not allow her to even go to the market without their permission. Luckily for us, we were in a city miles away from them. But they were always watching over on Facebook, Whatsapp everywhere! Every picture of her scrutinized and history known. If she was found online late at night, she was scolded. She was so fearful after a while that she deactivated her social media, got rid of whatsapp, and stayed locked in her hostel room! She was not the only child, she had a younger sister who suffered the same too! This one time she got late in returning to hostel on time and warden called me to inform her parents about it. Now this was supposed to be a warning, but her parents scolded her so badly from shaming her for dishonouring family to threatening her that they will bring her back home and stop her education! That was a chilling experience even for me. Anyways we graduated, I moved out for my masters degree, while she went on to preparing for UPSC Civil Service Exam. She cut off from her independent yet scared lifestyle of college to this homely girl, no contact with outer world no social media, no outings, even my interactions were miniscule. She was working hard definitely and I was sure she would get through in her first attempt, but she couldn't! And that was awful, her parents told her how useless she has been, how she is wasting her time and their money (but mind it, she was preparing herself, for her parents did not think it was a good investment to make in her coaching and stuffs nor was she in Delhi), and how her late night studies are not studies but affairs with several men! She was already shattered at her failure for it could have been her ticket to get out of this prison her parents had created for her. And this reaction from her parents destroyed her last bit of self worth! She was shamed when she deserved support. She was scolded when she deserved guidance. Frustrated she killed her self! Her body was found in her bathroom, wrists slit and a lot of foam off her mouth, she had consumed the toilet cleaner! Her sister informed me of her death, I was devastated. Such a sad ending to such a delicate soul. May she rest in peace and her parents get some sense to upbring their other daughter in a better way!
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